You Know What I Hate? (The 4th In A Series)

There’s one thing that really makes me more uncomfortable than perhaps anything else on the planet.


Such a simple concept isn’t it.
Two people embrace in an action designed to show emotion and tenderness.

Give me a break
The action of hugging is the cruelest invention ever.
Seriously… I’ll never get it.

Ok, maybe it’s a bit unfair for me just to go on a tirade like that…let me at least justify my opinion.

I don’t have anything against the theory behind a hug… I can see what its intention is meant to be, and I’m sure it works just fine for certain people.

For me, the problem with hugging is the fakeness behind it.
I think my dislike for it started back in the days when my family was dropping off like flies. As a 10/11 year old boy, everyone who is anyone would console me with a hug….and accompany it with the words “it’s all going to be alright”, “we’re here if you need anything”…blah blah blah, you get the idea.

There was always such fakeness in it…It just seemed like right thing to do at the time for everyone, because lets be honest, nobody is going to tell a preteen kid the truth. Nobody is going to say “your life is going to be cr@p for a long time now” or “wow you really got the short end of the stick of life kid….good luck with that!”

I would have appreciated that a lot more.

In fact, it’s that same reason that I’m completely honest with people in a time of suffering or sadness, or if someone is not sure what’s going to happen.
I will never hug them and say “everything is going to be alright”. That’s a lie. Life doesn’t always back that false promise up.

Why be cruel?
Yeah yeah, now I know you’re thinking I’m a cold hearted bastich.
But far from it.
Much like Johnny Cash, I’m a walking contradiction.

While the above may be my feelings on hugs, from family, friends and potential strangers… how do I feel about hugs from someone I care a bit more…deeply about?

Quite simply put… I hate to love them.

When I get so much as a hello hug from someone I have feelings for…I crumble…absolutely crumble. To the point where I just want to fall down and watch those cartoon birdies sing their sweet songs all day long.

It doesn’t happen often, so it’s always something special for me, but, sadly, being me comes with a huge design flaw. I over think most every thing in life.

That’s when I start wondering when I will get a hug again…and how could I create a set of circumstances that would result in getting said person to hug me again.

Ultimately…it’s near impossible.
In fact, it becomes a comedy of errors from that point. We could be out at a function, and that damn Irish lawmaker would ensure that every other person in the room gets a hug from her…but me. Whether it is through distraction, or just plain bad luck, it just doesn’t happen again.

I’m also the single worst initiator of a hug on the planet.
If I try and hug someone, it’s a certainty one (or more) of the following will happen.

– An accidental punch in the face
– Knocking of heads
– A pretzel like embrace which may or may not be citizen’s arrest.
– Car keys sticking out my pants pocket resulting in a speedy breakway.

I’m not much of a physical person at all, so please don’t take office from my lack of hugging or cheek kissing or the likes. It’s just one of my quirky phobias that will forever define me. It’s not you… it’s me.

On a side note…I really wish Facebook would feel my pain and disband that “I’m a fan of… HUGS!” group they have…


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