Seinfeld: The Lost Episode (Part 1)


Jerry’s Apartment

Jerry and Elaine are standing in the small kitchen in Jerry’s apartment.
“I’m telling you, he’s gay” Jerry says with conviction.
“Yeah…you might be right…”..agrees Elaine

A door buzzer rings.
Jerry answers the buzzer “Who is it?”
“It’s me” bellows George.
“Come on Up”

Jerry resumes his conversation with Elaine, “ok, if you really wanna know, take the guy to the video store and ask him to pick out something. Then just wait and see what he chooses”
Elaine – “oh c’mon”
Jerry – “no seriously…it’s easy. If he chooses anything other than some cheesy horror or a tearjerker, he doesn’t intend trying to get any action….if you know what I mean”
Elaine – “Really? What about Rocky?”
Jerry – “Gay.”
Elaine – “Flashdance?”
Jerry – “Gay.”

At that George enters the apartment.

Elaine – “Grease?
George – “I love that movie…I just rented it again last night”
Jerry – “See what I mean?”

George – “Jerry. I’m in love.”
Elaine (sarcastically) – “I’ll leave you two alone…”

Elaine leaves.

George – “Seriously Jerry, I think I’ve met the woman of my dreams…”

Jerry – “ok…I’ll play along. Who is she?”

George – “It’s this girl at work, Stacy. I tell you…we have that “connection” everyone’s always talking about. I always thought that was a load of crap… Till now Jerry. Till now”

Jerry – “And how long have you known this Tracy?”
George – “It’s Stacy”
Jerry – “just checking…”
George – “We’ll we’ve worked together for three years, but we spoke for the first time today.”
Jerry – “Wow…I’m impressed.”
George – “I know right…love at first sight”
Jerry – “No, I’m impressed you’ve had a job for 3 years”

George collapses in Jerry’s couch, and continues “we spoke for hours. She told me all about her family, her past relationships, the scandals at work, her likes, her dislikes, There is nothing I don’t know about Tracy”
Jerry – “Stacy”
George – “Yeah..that’s what I said”
Jerry – “no, you said Tracy”
George – “Yeah her name’s Tracy. Oh God…now you’ve got me doing it…What is her name!”

At that Kramer comes barging in.

Kramer – “Hey guys…do any of you know what Goats eat?”

Kramer heads to the kitchen and starts opening Jerry’s cupboards.

Jerry – “Goats?”
Kramer – “Yeah, I’m looking after my uncle’s goats.”
Kramer notices George sinking into the coach “What’s wrong with him?”
Jerry – “He’s in love with two women”

George – “It’s just one woman. THE ONE Jerry. Mark my words, she’s the one”

Kramer, now intrigued, “Oh yeah, way to go George.”

Jerry starts eating cereal.

Jerry – “So if you know everything about her, does she know everything about you?”
George – “Well, I didn’t really get a chance to tell her anything”
Jerry – “I thought you spoke for hours”
Kramer – “Uh-oh. You mean she did all the talking? That’s not good George..not good at all?”
George – “yeah… well, I didn’t want to…interrupt her.”
Jerry – “So what did you do while she spoke?”
George – “I nodded…”
Jerry – “You nodded???? You never nod! That’s like telling her to go on!”
George – “I’m a nodder Jerry…I was born a nodder, and I’ll always be a nodder. Don’t judge me”
Kramer – “It could be worse, you could have been a smiler.”

George has guilty look on his face.

Jerry – “You nodded AND smiled??? For the entire time she spoke???”
Kramer – “Oh George. It’s over.”

George – “What?? How can it be over, it just started!”
Jerry – “Everyone knows that when you’re a nodder and smiler, women see that as a great listener”
George – “So what’s wrong with that?”
Jerry – “It means…you’re a great friend George”
George – “I’m in the friends zone??”
Kramer , smacking his hands together – “smack dab in the middle of it”

George “After one conversation?”
Jerry “We’ll it wasn’t a really a conversation. She talked. You listened”
George, irritated, starts walking towards the door – “ok, from tomorrow no more nodding and smiling at her!”
Jerry -“It’s too late George!”

“NEVER!” we hear coming from the hallway as George leaves.

The Video Store


Elaine and her date, Nathan, are browsing the aisles.
“So what are you in the mood for…” Asks Elaine, waiting eagerly for Nathan’s answer.
Nathan – “Anything is fine, you choose”
Elaine – “Oh go ahead, pick whatever you wanna watch….anything at all….from any section”
Nathan – “Um…ok…how about…”
Nathan picks out a slasher flick “unless you don’t like being scared?”
Elaine pumps her fist – “YES!…i mean no…I love being scared” she smiles ecstatically.

The two walk up to the counter to check out their movie.
Two gay gays are there and are returning their video.

Nathan – “Oh wait, are you guys bringing that back?”
Gay guy #1 – “all yours pal”
Elaine picks up the cover…it’s Grease.
Elaine –“dammit….”

Ad Break
(Part 2 coming soon….)


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2 Responses to “Seinfeld: The Lost Episode (Part 1)”

  1. Oakland locksmith Says:

    Good read. I wish I could make myself write such good posts onto my own blog. I guess I just need to try harder.

  2. Burgsworld: The Essential Collection – Part 2: The Weird, Whacky And Wise! « Burgs World – A guide to cutting through the stupidity of life Says:

    […] Seinfeld: The Lost Episode (Part 1) I went through a phase of what like to call “pop-pseudo-reality”, where I took real life situations going on in my life at that time, and turn them into “fan fiction” pieces of writing around Pop culture. […]

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