Archive for October, 2010

Movies Ruined My View On Life

October 31, 2010

Here’s an old blog I stumbled across…

I wonder if I still feel this way…I think i do, but not as often as I used to
I always knew I was pretty f*cked up.
Nobody goes through what I went through and leads a normal life…
Again…it’s that naivety of mine.

When I lost everyone around me, I found my solace in the movies.
The world they created. That the good guy could save the day. That the nerdy kid could get the prom queen. That tragedy paled in comparison to triumph.

I’m the guy the ladies love because I do amazing things. I’m freaking Indiana Jones.
But you know what…even Indiana didn’t keep the same girl in the next movie….plus he got old….and plus plus…he’s coming back for more.

No matter how bad my life got, I could find a movie to relate to it. No matter how obscure…there was something out there that was my story.

I still love my movies today…but instead of being lost in their fantasy world…I get angry with them…bitter for lying to me. That not how it is….The decent guy gets hacked off first in my world.

He’s the guy who does everything and then turns around and stands on the land mine.

I just can’t seem to find mine.
Why do I keep bouncing back? For another sequel?
Well even die-hard fans got sick of Police Academy after 5 sequels.

I don’t ask for much…I really don’t.
Am I that bad a person that I don’t deserve my happy ending?
Why must I be the one who suffers worse that Annette Bening when she’s up against Hillary Swank at the Oscars.

I’m Tom Hanks…the guy who nobody likes because he’s just too nice, but he makes the most enjoyable movies (I haven’t seen Castaway…so go with me on this analogy).

The worst part about my movies is I can’t push pause…I have to sit through the entire thing until it’s over. Much like the last 30 minutes of Lord of The Rings Return Of The King, I feel I will have to suffer until my final credits.


10 Reasons I Hate Going to The Movie Theatre-Slash-Cinema

October 28, 2010

Ah man
The smell of the popcorn!
The giant slush!
The forthcoming attractions!
The opening scene of a movie!

Who doesn’t love going to the cinema!


I used to. I used to go a couple of times a week, even a couple of shows a day! My old friend Danielle could back me up on that. We were the king and queen of movies. (me being King…obviously)

Then, somewhere along the line I became this cranky old man who found the whole cinema going experience one of the most frustrating things a human being can do.
Maybe it’s because I’m constantly going alone that I observe more of what’s going on around me.

These days however, I only go to the LATE show, because 9/10 times, I’m the only one there.

Let me explain, in a little piece I like to call – 10 Reasons I hate going to the Movie Theatre-slash-Cinema.

1 – Is there anything more irritating than a group of people who stand around looking at posters of upcoming movies? There’s always one person who thinks he knows more about the movie than anyone else on the planet – who then proceeds to spew out facts that he read online as if he were the one who documented the making of the movie.

2 – The casual movie fans. Now yes, I understand that not everyone can be a human IMDB like me. But why engage in a conversation about movies with fellow casual fans when neither of you know anything. Their conversations normally proceed as follows “Um, you know that guy who starred in the movie with the guy in the robot suit…darnit…what’s his name again”…”oh you mean that black guy who won the Oscar for that one movie?”…”yes, him…no wait sorry…I’m thinking of that other guy, with the dark hair. He married that one from the TV show…what’s her name…”

3 – That damn Salt & Vinegar flavoring salt. There is no way any mortal man can resist piling heaps and heaps on that stuff onto their box of popcorn. Only to almost choke to death on the very first piece of popcorn thereafter.

4 – People who laugh during bad unfunny commercials JUST because they are with a group of friends. If you don’t laugh at the on the TV at home, don’t laugh at them at the cinema.

5 – Later comers who fail to adjust their speech audio levels after they pass the “giant doors”. For example – “…AND DUDE SHE WAS LIKE 15!…” …then off course, the rest of the friends proceed to laugh.

6 – “Rebellious” teenagers who don’t really want to watch a movie, but just want to be out unsupervised. They make rude noises, throw popcorn and try embarrassing their own friends jackass style.

7 – People who constantly reply to text messages, check the time on their phone display, or even TAKE a phone call during the movie, only to say “I can’t talk I’m in a movie”. IF they wanted your phone in the movie…they’d have put it there. Those damn cell phone lights are distracting as //%&.

8 – 40 plus cinema goers (mostly parents) who have been making the same jokes for the last two decades. Example: Wife –“Gosh it’s full tonight; I hope we don’t have to sit right in front!” Lame Husband – “Ag babes, then we get to see the movie first” Lamer wife – “hahahaha”.

9 – The guy/girl who can’t hold their bladder and refused to pee before the movie. Inevitably when they return, they ask “what I miss?” I always like to throw in a ludicrous answer.

10 – The uneducated response while walking out after the movie – Example: After walking out the FIRST Lord of The Rings movie “Dude, what a k@k ending”. Example 2: After walking out Disaster Movie/ Epic Movie/ Dance Flick or any other recent spoof flick “Dude, how funny was that! Classic!”

Gosh I actually have way more than 10. but have I missed anything out? Are these irritations specific to South African cinemas or do you all experience this in some form or another? I wanna know.

The Contenders – Take A little piece of my heart now baby…

October 25, 2010

After the semi-vent that was my previous blog, here comes the big reveal of the current individuals who hold my attention – in more ways than one.

While this list may indeed make certain friendships 100x more uncomfortable, ie. certain parties will avoid speaking to me, the intention is written from a point of affection and thankfulness that I do indeed know them.

I want it known that while I have mentioned I don’t respect the union of marriage, I respect the fact that those on the list believe in it. And I cannot be called as a witness in any divorce proceedings.

I’ve always been proud of the fact that I don’t see race, religion or age when it comes to my attraction to women, and while that may sound like a good thing, its often the exact reason nothing would probably ever happen between us, as for some people are strong in certain beliefs. (Also please note there are no albinos on this list….which saddens me.)

Seeing as though this is ME we are talking about, none of the below are likely to ever be something more than what they currently are, but that won’t ever stop me from feeling the way I do. That’s left for the restraining order to take care of.

This list is written cryptically, it’s pun induced, but for the smart ones out there…you will know EXACTLY if and when your name is listed – because I’m a friggen genius at writing like this.

Ok…ready to be outed? HERE WE GO!

The Original Crush
Much like the tagline of a product that will always be first choice – The original crush. It sure ain’t 1999 anymore… it’s a different time now. And she’s a different person. Family first. Me I’m still the same person I was back then. It’s back and forth. And never in the middle. I’m always testing waters. She’s never swimming. But she’s still my password. She will always be lovely.

The Colt
This lady is a colt. In so many ways. A brave email sparked a genuine friendship. Far beyond the usual smiley faces and “Lols”. There is something there. Maybe its not something for today. Or tomorrow. But there is something there. I hope we both feel it. The story has many chapters to be written. We just need to be in the same place to write it. When though? We dream the same dreams, we live the same frustrations. Now THAT’s a connection. Plus she’s a bit of a nerd. Which I love. . yes. I used the L word. Which im sure she gets a lot. Might as well call her Miss. L.

The Columnist
I’m pretty sure I irritate the hades out of her. Although its only because we both live and breathe pop culture. I try encourage things with her…she never bites though. Damn columnists. Love and trust her recommendations. Sure she’s recommending to the whole world, but I like to think it’s just for me. Yeah. I definitely irritate the hades out of her. She’d rather be watching a TV series or movie than listen to how I have a crush on her. She really should be on the list. Why didn’t she respond *sigh*

The Muse
She is the muse. Once in a lifetime we meet someone that meets EVERY requirement on the list. Damn Canadians are like that. So nice and perfect. Will we ever meet? I wish, but I doubt. So busy all the time. Damn writers are like that. I wish we were facebook friends. It would make her beauty seem real. Damn Indians are like that. She’s lucky she spoke to me this weekend…or I’d never write half the stuff I write. Damn muses are like that.

The Entrepreneur
Will never be sure how she feels. She knows I like her…a lot…but we’ve never met. That could possible be a problem…and she definitely has enough problems as it is. Wish I was in a position to help her. I will be one day. That’s what I do though. I’m scared that if we meet in person all my fears will be realized. I believe in her. Wish she would too…after all she moved her whole life up here.

The Traveller
Thought I was on to something special here. All my beliefs and understandings of who I am seem to be justified with her. But it all came too quickly. She might of panicked…and ended it before truths were revealed. Gorgeous. Passionate. Come to think of it…totally out of my league. But in the end not even a packet of milk bottles could save this. It’s as if disaster was written in the stars. The one that surrounds our planet that is…not this one.

The Girl
Maybe too young? –I wouldn’t know…since I don’t know her age But seems smart as a whip. Good taste in music too. That’s rare…but doesn’t really know I exist – that’s good for her. Studies can keep one distracted I guess. These are the growing years? You know what show I really liked? Charlie’s Angels – Loved that girl with the hair…now what was her name again.

The Inspiration
Inspiring. Does what she believes is right. Society has their rules, she has her – and will power of note. Seen on the rare occasion, but each of those occasions leaves me reeling for days. We don’t chat like we used to. Damn career girls. But she has someone who makes her happy, and he seemingly beats me to every punch. Will always be in the front of the queue. Because that’s Ayoba.

The Heart & Soul
I’ve blown it so many times with her because of my ego and pride. She still remains one of my best friends. Even is psycho X had it in for me. And current beau is awesome to her. She deserves it. I wanted to be the guy who could give all that to her…but I always found a way to give her grief instead. Maybe her honesty is what made her bad for me, as well as good. Add. Remove.Add.

The Unexpected
She’s the kind of woman who walks into a meeting, and there’s no possibly way you can even focus on what the meetings about. I know…I’ve done that often. A recent resident on Burg’s world, but seemingly went right to the front of the guy when I we were handing out passports. I wish there was something there from her side…despite the obvious. Mmm…guess she could always provide refreshments.

The High School Crush
The old school crush. Back then I’d walk miles just to risk randomly bumped into her in the old street. Its been so long, we seem to blow hot and cold at times, and I’m never sure if I’m seeing something that’s their or not. She has national pride and Baby Jesus… I don’t…that would always come between us me thinks. I’m better off watching Chariots of Fire…which I always thought was the right spelling. I was wrong.

The One That Got Away
If only she told me sooner…before it was too late. Its my biggest regret…and no matter how much we promise each other, the odds of even seeing each other again grow worse by the day. If we do indeed meet up, the heat would be so intense, it would make for a good news story…which she could read to the listeners every Sunday. I miss the emails, and even the phone calls…which we all know I hate.

The Musician
Her musical talent is what first got my attention. And her beauty is what the whole country’s attention. Her heart belonged to someone long before the attention began, and I’m pretty sure it will stay that way. I saw her earlier this year after many months, and was truly honored to be seen in her presence, even if I was pushed to the edge of the line for most of the night. Girls like her are in short supply.

The Newbie
This film student captured my attention with her air of uniqueness. Inspiring in her belief of her talent, the few times we have spoken have been nothing short of special. While she will soon leave these parts, I feel saddened that this was perhaps a friendship that started all too late, and will sadly end all too soon. Maybe the beaches of Brazil are where I should head.

The Secret Friend
This lady is perhaps where my heart really got damaged. I offered her the world, she seemed interested…then suddenly it seemed like we were only allowed to have a secret friendship. Her ticket was booked, but she drifted away. I think about her daily, and she is still my first choice to get a boarding pass…if only she’d speak to me again…and own up to a bad decision. I miss her…but perhaps know that she knows I was really falling for her…she may indeed remove all traces of my existence. I hope for the opposite…because you need to risk it to get the biscuit.

Thats it…those are the Secret Loves of The Burg.
I like all these ladies for different reasons…but at the end of the day…while im sure they will recognize themselves in these descriptions…i doubt they will ever acknowledge it…which is a shame, because I hope they do….who knows…

I Just Landed in NYC!!! A Look at Love, Sex, and Friendly Relations

October 24, 2010

It’s been a Debbie Downer of a weekend.

The truth is, if things went according to plan, today I would have landed in New York City for the first time in over 12 years.
The reality is…I’m sitting in my room feeling sorry for myself.

The truth is, I would have been sharing an amazing experience with a pretty cool person who nobody knew I was actually going to be there with.
The reality is…I’m at home trying to stop my dog from humping my cat every 5 minutes.

Yeah, it’s a pretty awesome life I live eh?

Well I guess it could be…if I wasn’t me.

I’ve always been quick to upset people when I say I don’t have friends or a girlfriend, and they always say of course I do, just look how many people post on your Facebook wall.

Of course I know people. Everyone does.

But I don’t have that one person I can call on a whim and say “let’s do something”
Am I too fussy when it comes to friends and lovers? Perhaps…in fact most certainly so.

I find it very rare that I find someone I actually feel gets me.
I’m also a very observant person, so when I notice something that irritates me, there’s no way I can ignore it.
However, the jokes on me…because I am lonely as hell.
But if I’m being honest with you…I’d rather be this lonely, that have an irritating friend for the sake of having a friend.

Maybe that’s why I keep people at such a distance….they’re just going to leave or die anyways.


That’s right, I’ve been alone all my life…so I’ll blame my dad and older brother for dying when I was 11. Yeah! That’s it…all that responsibility, and giving up my life was THEIR fault.

Plus without any male influences in my life I never got to learn about women and relationships…

So when it comes to dating, relationships or sex who did I go to for advice? The movies of course!

Which means I have this distorted image of the great romantic gesture, the nerd getting the hottest girl in school and the ill fated, I don’t deserve love because I’m a tortured soul.

I’ve been single my whole life. No wait, I did have a relationship back in high school, she got a friend to ask me out, then we were an item for the whole of Math period, then during lunch time she broke up with me.

That’s about it.

For every reason I should hate the whole process of “wooing” (yes my favourite word) a girl and the inevitable failure at the end the months long pursuit… but I don’t.

I love flirting, I love trying to do the impossible for girls, huge gestures, making them feel good, or doing something for them that nobody else will. Only to always see them choose someone else…and my heart truly is held together with tape at this stage of my life.

One of the best things about me (and there are a lot), is that I’ve always found something attractive in most every woman I’ve met.

Maybe it’s because I’m a Libra, but being attracted a woman is still the greatest most tortuous feeling in the world.

I often use the words like crushes, and love, and attracted to when I’m talking to girls, and its not because I’m trying to play them or get them into the sack (unless it that annual boy-girl potato sack race – which I will win one day!), It’s because I genuinely mean them. If people add some sort of value to my life I tell them. Life is way to short to play High School games.

From a girl’s point of view, I’m pretty sure they get it from guys so much, which makes it easy to understand why they think I’m only after one thing.

But that’s the furthest from the truth you can get. In fact, (and here’s the ZINGER), I’ve had sex once in my life. And that was about three years ago.

That’s it. The world’s biggest player…has played one game. So there goes your theory out the window.

I’ve had the opportunity on a few occasions to “knock boots” but I guess due to a) self confidence issues, and b) its never really being with the person I was attracted to, there was no real desire to explore anything further.

And while all the guys out there are saying either this guy is not human, or he’s gay. I’ll answer that with this.

There are several people I am madly attracted to -Currently. Whether it be intellectually, sexually or through a combination of both. I speak my mind to these people, and they probably do know how I feel…but if they don’t…they’re about to find out.

Remember, this is coming from the guy who doesn’t believe in the union of marriage, so therefore, some of the people mentioned may be even more shocked….or will they?

Coming up next…a little blog I like to call – The Contenders.

A Tribute to Friendship: For Schwepps

October 22, 2010

You know, there are not many people I’d use the word “friend” for without thinking twice, but there are those rare few people I would immediately associate the word with.

This is blog is a tribute to a good friend of mine. No…he’s not a good friend.

….he’s a true friend.

During the heyday of the Myspace craze…we had new friends on a daily basis. Of course, there was normally a reason for this…either someone was trying to sell you on their new band, or trying to get you into the sack. (I failed at both)…but every 1 in a 100 friends turned out to be something more genuine. A friend who had similar interests, who you could have an honest conversation with and who you felt could actually be the real deal.

Brett Schewitz is such a guy – the real deal. (Schwepps to his friends of course)

We stayed in touch on a regular basis thanks to the ease of Myspace, we were both obsessed with movies and music. It’s what made us tick…

Then on one of my many birthday parties (*snicker*), I invited this guy who I had never met…and he actually turned up. That, for me, was a testament to who Schwepps is.

Brett is the guy who comes to the party.

Over the years that followed, Schwepps saw me at my worst…he witnessed me fall into the dark place first hand. He supported me in my crazy decisions, he was honest with me when he needed to be, but most importantly he was exactly what I needed at that time in my life – a friend.

While I lost friends by the truckload during what I went through, Schwepps stuck around.

We were so close that we spoke on a near daily basis; we hardly ever saw each other, except for the odd movie, or music industry function. But that somehow felt right. We didn’t need to hang to define our friendship.

Schwepps has shared his life stories with me, as much as I have shared mine with you lot. The guy has been through hell, especially in SA…yet he was an amazing ambassador. He is SA music to a lot of people.

After my hijacking in July, Brett told me he had made the decision to leave SA. My immediate thoughts were “nobody deserves a better life than this guy”…and I watched with both envy and admiration as he worked his butt off to make this happen, while still giving absolutely everything to his passion of music.

Now, as Brett prepares to embark on the most amazing journey that will truly define who he is as a person, I wish him nothing but luck and success

There’s a good chance I may not see him before he leaves this country (you lucky sod!), but I know that no matter what distance is between us, we will remain friends for life, and in 30 years, look back to our humble beginnings, our tragic stories, and our amazing triumphs and simply recognize them with a witty retort. (And let’s be honest, to truly know and like Schweppy….you really gotta understand those sarcastic retorts ;))

I don’t have many pictures that have both me AND a friend in it…but i do have this….
The Burg and Schwepps: Day 1

Golden Ticket Round 2, FIGHT!!

October 18, 2010

Oh you know I’m having way too much fun with Golden Ticket thing to just sit idle and pick a winner…beside you really need to earn this baby….it is after all a 20grand trip to New York up for grabs.

If that is motivation enough…well….i’ll treat you to a show over there as well.

But I know proudly bring to you a little trivia contest I like to call:

“So You Think You Know Burg?”

Below are 10 VERY easy Burg questions. Many of the answers I have spoke about, or can be found “around Burgsworld”.

The lowest score at the end of the week, WILL be eliminated off the list.

However…in a my M.Night Shymalan twist…here’s the deal.

If someone who is NOT pre-selected for a Golden ticket list scores higher than anyone on it, they then qualify to be in the running! *crowd goes oooooooh!*

Submit your answers by commenting, or inbox or message me on any forum you have me.

Ready? GO!

1. What is my favourite sweet/candy?
2. Who is my favourite band?
3. What is my religion?
4. What TV show do I believe was written JUST FOR ME?
5. What is my favourite number?
6. How many tattoos do I have?
7. What nationality/race’s women am I most attracted to?
8. Name 1 thing I collect…
9. What do I call a saying/theory made famous (and true) by me?
10. Who is my favourite actor? (Bonus: if you get my THREE favourite actors, you get immunity for this challenge)

The Golden Ticket Hunt is on!

October 14, 2010

Right, so this is the moment you have all been waiting for…

The Burgy Wonka’s Golden ticket hunt is officially on.

Below, is a cryptic list of the first 15 people to qualify for a trip to New York!

I have assessed many of you on different levels and will continue to do so over the next few months.

This list is not final, and you can easily fall off the list…and you can just as easily be added!

This is 100% serious, and as is as much fun for me as im sure it will be for you.

When the time is right, one of you will be asked if you would like to accompany me to NYC, flight and accomodation paid for! You will be given the choice to embark on the adventure of a life time.

Crack the very simple code and see if you’re in the running… no particular order are…

– 20,7
– 19,7
– 12,13
– 18,2
– 18,18
– 10,1
– 1,14
– 11,12
– 3,5
– 19,2
– 6,2
– 23,8
– 20,14
– 22,8
– 9,22

Have you made the list…?

Burgy Wonka’s Golden Ticket!

October 12, 2010

I’ve been teasing at this for a while now, and since it’s my bithday today, i can do what i want too and nobody is allowed to complain or tell me it can’t be done.

So, here is the big reveal…

Later this month I was supposed to go to New York for a holiday/research mission, but due to overwhelming circumstances and unexpected expenses that have been well documented throughout my many rants, I was forced to cancel….nay, postpone the trip.

What may surprise you most, is that the trip wasn’t just for me…it was in fact a trip for two.
The other person I was going to take unfortunately did not take it as seriously as they initially promised, and due to severe doubt on my side, i made a hard decision to call it off.

However…now…now things are a bit different.
And this time, I’m going to do it the right way….

In the next 6-8 months, I will be resuming my New York adventure, and will be taking one of you with me! All expenses paid! (ok ok, there are a few fine print details – you need to pay for your visa, and bring your own spending money), but flight and accommodation is on The Burg.

I will cryptically reveal the list of those who all are pre-qualified for this trip, however, people can be added or REMOVED from the list depending our interactions over the next few months. These will be comprised 99.9% of my Friends who have contact with me on Facebook, so if you’ve come to this page via anyplace else, i highly doubt you’ll be in the running.

This is 100% serious, and will help me achieve many goals on my 101 Burg List (yes, if you’re an albino, you’re the current favourite)….

More details to follow in due course, but if you want to get on the list, you must be willing to put up with my scathing wit, depressive moods, and undeniable charm and awkward flirting.

I do this because I can, but you will need to prove worthy of this once in a lifetime opportunity. Life is boring enough as it is, and sometimes you just need to say WTF…and go for it…

I don’t care what your friends, families, husbands, wives, or parents say….that’s for you to worry about

Any questions?

The Burg List – 101 Things to Do Before I Expire

October 4, 2010

I’m discussed at length over the last few months about how many of my nine lives I’ve used up recently, but it’s never been in a self pitying manner. If anything it simply serves to inspire me to continue this amazing adventure that you all have know to know as Burgs life.

Its in that vain I proudly bring to you

And if legend has its way, that will be on November 11th, next year!

The below list is typically me, and nobody should take offensive to anything I mention. However, that being said, as ludicrous (Luda-WHAT?) as it may sound, these are simply my honest thoughts.

The ranking is not an indication of priority, but simply to keep count.

Are you ready? LET’S GO!

1 – Live and work in New York

2 – Find the world’s greatest cup of coffee, even if I have to try them all

3 – Get involved in a random dance battle

4 – See Aerosmith in concert

5 – Take Leona Lewis out on a date, and woo her.

6 – Visit a forgotten civilization and say “Hey, I remember you!”

7 – Taste a great home made pasta…

8 – Get a six pack (even just for the weekend)

9 – Play strip poker – with other people this time.

10 – Bowl a perfect 300 game at 10pin bowling.

11 – Scuba dive

12 – Have my own custom made jacket that everyone envies

13 – Donate a large some of charity, then mysteriously tell the media that I did it.

14 – Own a ridiculously cool, yet highly impractical fish tank

15 – Take on an Indian lover (preferably female!)

16 – Run This town.

17 – Be a mall security guard for day

18 – Win a political election, and then turn it down.

19 – Meet James Franco, have scones with him, and discuss finance.

20 – Read The Catcher in The Rye

21 – Compete in Ninja Warrior

22 – Pretend to be Abe Froman, Sausage King of Chicago for one day.

23 – Ride a horse into town.

24 – Make out with an albino.

25 – Learn 4 languages, Spanish, Italian, Hindi and whatever they speak in Cape Town

26 – Share a great adventure with someone I’ve never met.

27 – Help someone achieve 1 thing on their bucket list

28 – Slap Steve Martin for remaking Pink Panther

29 – Kick Steve Martin in the nuts for making Pink Panther 2

30 – Ask one city “how the %&@ are you doing tonight?” over a microphone.

31 – Have a cameo on Family Guy

32 – Visit Canada

33 – Get my arms completely tattooed

34 – Have a wild Mexican adventure that I’m not allowed to talk about.

35 – Win an Oscar and propose to someone during my acceptance speech.

36 – Get thrown through a glass window

37 – Take part in a Jackass skit.

38 – Have my own posse that includes a giant, a bald midget and a French lady

39 – Write and publish a fiction book, and complete my autobiography.

40 – Experience a Roman Holiday

41 – Show someone the impossible

42 – Leave someone breathless (with the aid of a plastic bag)

43 – Share a scene with Johnny Depp

44 – Have a GOOD sex tape leaked on line

45 – Feel love reciprocated

46 – Under a pseudonym, become a hated columnist

47 – Tell Ashley Tisdale “I think we’re moving too fast”

48 – Tell Selena Gomez “I think we’re stuck in a rut”

49 – Drink a cocktail in Hawaii, and only there.

50 – Meet the female version of myself

51 – Attend a monkey’s wedding.

52 – Watch an American Football game in person.

53 – Visit Asia

54 – Have my own action figure

55 – Get into a fighting defending someone’s honour

56 – Star in a Bollywood dance scene.

57 – Experience a white Christmas. And then one with snow.

58 – Learn the guitar…for real this time.

59 – Paint a female nude (as in a portrait, not with body paint)

60 – Bring back VCRs

61 – Make one appearance on a WWE televised event.

62 – Organize a music festival called Burg Stock.

63 – Go on a boat cruise.

64 – Wrestle a bear

65 – Attend a parade…that doesn’t have the words “gay” or “pride” in it

66 – Have lazer eye surgery.

67 – Seduce someone with a sexy dance.

68 – Have Jessica Alba and Salma Hayek get into a fight over me

69 – Record a novelty song that makes it to #2 on the UK charts.

70 – Watch a soccer game in every country that plays it professionally.

71 – Tell someone “You sir, are a douchebag”

72 – Complete a game of Sudoku on hard.

73 – Develop and co-host “Burgs of a Feather” – a battle of the sexes type game show

74 – Be mistaken for being 18.

75 – Help someone realize their true beauty

76 – Star in a film set in the days of King Arthur

77 – Grow the world’s coolest beard….again.

78 – Open a 1920’s themed club called “Burgz” – the sign will be in neon lights.

79 – Research & Film a segment for a BBC Wildlife series

80 – Compete in one cage fight.

81 – Own my own grand piano, and force myself to learn by ear.

82 – Attend a function with twins as my plus 1.

83 – Bury a hatchet.

84 – Marry a teenage bride

85 – Have relations with an old high school crush…again.

86 – Ride a tractor on a farm, wearing no shirt.

87 – Own the world’s greatest collection of movies.

88 – Treat someone to a trip to New York so that can understand my passion.

89 – Tell a stranger how beautiful she is, and just keep walking. (she must of course be hot)

90 – Jump off a cliff (hopefully into deep water)

91 – Have a picture taken of me wearing a Park Ranger’s outfit.

92 – Launch an online scavenger hunt show called – Burg Quest

93 – Get home insurance

94 – Visit my mentor in Australia.

95 – Start a hit internet show with a panel of experts analyzing fantasy matchups between pop culture action stars.

96 – Interrupt Kanye.

97 – Reform the Bionic Six….with 5 people.

98 – Compete on Survivor

99 – Attend all 4 tennis majors in my lifetime.

100 – Discover a new fruit

101 – Have a crowd chant my name in unison.

That’s it…for now.
If you can help me achieve any of these…please…put your name forward…you will be helping this boy live his dreams. Give now…and give generously.

A Tribute to Stephen J. Cannell

October 3, 2010

We live in a new world where the news of a celebrity death spreads almost instantaneously. So quick in fact, that it becomes a trend…until the next “I love Justin Bieber” comment is posted.

I guess I’ve come to accept this, but what really gets to me is how the impact of certain deaths is all but lost.

This week we lost someone who has been a major influence in my life.

Those who know me better know I’m always watching a classic TV series at any given time. More often than not it’s a series that was created by the great Stephen J. Cannell.

Growing up in such turmoil I found so much solace in the world of movies and TV…I found escapism and I found heroes.

Stephen J. Cannell was responsible for more good memories growing up than any friend or family member I ever had, and for that reason he was a mentor of sorts to me.

So many days went by that were like nightmares, but come 7pm on a particular evening, for one hour at least, life was perfect.

Now the obvious show to idolize at the time was The A-team. In fact, whilst I’m typing this column, I’m staring at my original A-Team figures on display…its quite surreal.

As a kid, the A-team was larger than life, long before Mike Tyson coined the phrase, BA Baracus was the baddest man on the planet. Murdock was crazy cool. Face was like your own older brother who got the girls, and Hannibal, well he was “the man” when he was on the jazz. All these characters were so perfectly written that they achieved iconic status.

Nowadays I appreciate the humour and the writing in the series more than I did as a kid. Back then, it was all about the explosions and disguises (remember Hannibal’s alligator suit? Epic.)

I had seen most of Cannell’s shows in part of the years, but as I grew older, I began to identify his style and relate to it.

He was a guy’s guy. He made strong male role models. Guys who had morals but weren’t afraid to break the rules to help out someone in need. Much like me.

The TV show that had the single greatest influence on me – until the horrendous final season- , was 21 Jump Street.

It oozed cool. It oozed class.
And it oozed Johnny Depp.

Of course we won’t go into my man crush for Depp (you all know about that already), but the show was my first “mature” show. If my memory serves me correctly, it was always on in later time slot…about 9pm. As a school kid, I had to beg endlessly to stay up late to watch it.

I watch the DVDs on a regular basis, and find that the show as way ahead of its time. It dealt with harsh subject matters, which even today some shows dare not tackle.

It’s first few seasons had some of the best writing I had ever seen.

The same can be said for the uneven spinoff Booker, which Cannell co-created. It had its moments, but after only lasting a season, it came and went.

RipTide made me a fan of robots, cool cars and choppers.

Renegade made me a fan of Harley’s, Native American Indians and sawed off shotguns.

His list of created shows were seemingly endless, and whilst I respected shows like Wiseguy, Stingray, Baretta, Tenspeed and Brown Shoe, and even Harcastle and McCormick, I can admit I never gave them the attention they deserve. Something I’ll always be thankful that DVD can help rectify.

Such is the case with classic shows like The Rockford Files, and The Greatest American Hero. Two shows I had only known about in legend, but only experienced later in life.

I didn’t see Cannell’s recent appearances on Castle, and I’m sure I will at some stage, but I do know that every time I see Cannell on screen and at the end of the credits flipping his piece of paper from the typewriter, I will fondly remember, that a big part of the reason I consider myself a writer is because of Mr. Stephen J. Cannell.