10 Reasons I Hate Going to The Movie Theatre-Slash-Cinema

Ah man
The smell of the popcorn!
The giant slush!
The forthcoming attractions!
The opening scene of a movie!

Who doesn’t love going to the cinema!

…well…Me.

I used to. I used to go a couple of times a week, even a couple of shows a day! My old friend Danielle could back me up on that. We were the king and queen of movies. (me being King…obviously)

Then, somewhere along the line I became this cranky old man who found the whole cinema going experience one of the most frustrating things a human being can do.
Maybe it’s because I’m constantly going alone that I observe more of what’s going on around me.

These days however, I only go to the LATE show, because 9/10 times, I’m the only one there.

Let me explain, in a little piece I like to call – 10 Reasons I hate going to the Movie Theatre-slash-Cinema.

1 – Is there anything more irritating than a group of people who stand around looking at posters of upcoming movies? There’s always one person who thinks he knows more about the movie than anyone else on the planet – who then proceeds to spew out facts that he read online as if he were the one who documented the making of the movie.

2 – The casual movie fans. Now yes, I understand that not everyone can be a human IMDB like me. But why engage in a conversation about movies with fellow casual fans when neither of you know anything. Their conversations normally proceed as follows “Um, you know that guy who starred in the movie with the guy in the robot suit…darnit…what’s his name again”…”oh you mean that black guy who won the Oscar for that one movie?”…”yes, him…no wait sorry…I’m thinking of that other guy, with the dark hair. He married that one from the TV show…what’s her name…”

3 – That damn Salt & Vinegar flavoring salt. There is no way any mortal man can resist piling heaps and heaps on that stuff onto their box of popcorn. Only to almost choke to death on the very first piece of popcorn thereafter.

4 – People who laugh during bad unfunny commercials JUST because they are with a group of friends. If you don’t laugh at the on the TV at home, don’t laugh at them at the cinema.

5 – Later comers who fail to adjust their speech audio levels after they pass the “giant doors”. For example – “…AND DUDE SHE WAS LIKE 15!…” …then off course, the rest of the friends proceed to laugh.

6 – “Rebellious” teenagers who don’t really want to watch a movie, but just want to be out unsupervised. They make rude noises, throw popcorn and try embarrassing their own friends jackass style.

7 – People who constantly reply to text messages, check the time on their phone display, or even TAKE a phone call during the movie, only to say “I can’t talk I’m in a movie”. IF they wanted your phone in the movie…they’d have put it there. Those damn cell phone lights are distracting as //%&.

8 – 40 plus cinema goers (mostly parents) who have been making the same jokes for the last two decades. Example: Wife –“Gosh it’s full tonight; I hope we don’t have to sit right in front!” Lame Husband – “Ag babes, then we get to see the movie first” Lamer wife – “hahahaha”.

9 – The guy/girl who can’t hold their bladder and refused to pee before the movie. Inevitably when they return, they ask “what I miss?” I always like to throw in a ludicrous answer.

10 – The uneducated response while walking out after the movie – Example: After walking out the FIRST Lord of The Rings movie “Dude, what a k@k ending”. Example 2: After walking out Disaster Movie/ Epic Movie/ Dance Flick or any other recent spoof flick “Dude, how funny was that! Classic!”

Gosh I actually have way more than 10. but have I missed anything out? Are these irritations specific to South African cinemas or do you all experience this in some form or another? I wanna know.

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12 Responses to “10 Reasons I Hate Going to The Movie Theatre-Slash-Cinema”

  1. Michelle Says:

    i miss salt and vinegar!! here you can only put butter on your popcorn. and i totally agree,everything on that list is why i like going to a movie that is on the last few weeks of viewing. here in the states if you go during the day in the week the old people come out and they are just as bad as the young, talking really loud, and having tons of bathroom breaks. oh and also they go to the movie early only to sit at the aisle seat, so people like me who enjoy sitting in the middle have to struggle to get by. love this one by the way!!

  2. Danny Painter Says:

    I LOVE IT!
    I 100% refuse to go to movies… The super loud gutteral sniffing,the mxit-facebook-cellphoning throughout all drive me to madness.I’ve also recently sat directly in front of a woman who SPAT (and very loudly) every single popcorn kernel out….INTO THE BACK OF MY HEAD! But the worst and most common reason is other peoples hateful little snot nosed children,I will one day get up and grab the kid running up and down the stairs (parents totally ignoring this in a super violent adult thriller) and beat them to death,sit down and calmly finish my movie!

  3. Andrew Says:

    My worst experience was the Simpsons Movie, I was one of about 5 adults amongst 300 children. I hardly heard a single line.

    Saffas have it lucky though… In the US they haven’t discovered “reserved seating” yet so you have to stand in line for an hour before the movie starts if you want a good seat… yes, even if you booked online! My wife wants us to see Harry Potter on the opening day so I know from experience to be there 4 hours early. Thank goodness for Angry Birds.

  4. Silas Says:

    Dude you made my frikkin Friday!!!

    ROTF my man.

    HAhahahahahaha olease post something again soon, i like your train of thought

  5. Wazza Says:

    Agreed! As you said a top 15 list would be easy to get started:
    11. You have to fight for the arm rest with the fat man next to you… MY ARM REST piss off!
    12. People who say: DID YOU SEE THAT? During the movie! No, I was counting the coke stains on the seat next of me. Piss off!
    13. People who put there shoes up in between the teeny tiny gap between seats in front of them and proceed to rub my elbow with the sole of their shoes once I have won the arm rest battle… piss off!
    14. Late arrivers who leave the door open for the 10,000 Watt fluorescent lights to shine in. Piss off!
    15. Kids, I know you said it, but it deserves amount mention. Piss off!

  6. Burgsworld: The Essential Collection – Part 1: Rants & Opinions « Burgs World – A guide to cutting through the stupidity of life Says:

    […] 10 Reasons I Hate Going to The Movie Theatre-Slash-Cinema There are many reasons I avoid going to the cinema, but you only need to know 10. […]

  7. Mohit Says:

    here in north india…… only the 7th reason is making problem…… people got some sms and they start repying to it….

  8. bloggersdie Says:

    What the poo are you jabbering on about? Cell phones? Salt? Going to the movies sucks because it costs too much, and its who wants to sit in a room with a bunch of losers anyway when you can download the torrent for free and watch it at home. Derp.

  9. Mike Troxell Says:

    Funny. I google “i hate going to the movies” and this pops up. Just wondering though. Who actually talks to other people at movie theaters. I know if someone starts talking to me i just walk away. Im there to watch a movie, not make friends. Never understood that. I hate going to movies lately due to the fact that most of the crap they are coming out with isnt worth the 20 bucks ill spend on the ticket (12 if i go to the cheap theater.5 if i go to the ghetto theater). They really havent made anything thats been worth my time.

  10. primepeng Says:

    Some people secretly stared at me while i am alone sitting and leaving the hall but never happened before a show starts. I dont know why.

    Anyway sorry for browsing the phone in cinema cause sometimes the movie can be boring at some point or as a whole especially those made by locals.

    I wanna say that I am a watch all cinema movies type of guy and never miss one when it is released. Sweep all clean. Would prefer to have netflix but prefer going to cinema cause of the crowded environment. Besides netflix cannot reach here

  11. Sonya Says:

    People that laugh louder than everyone else, at parts that aren’t funny, because they know the actress from TV show. That’s even more annoying when the person is drunk…. so…. effing… annoying.

  12. cinema cunts Says:

    I totally agree, going to see a rerun of blade runner , and my mate missed the speech the pinnacle speech at the end from r h at the , hed been waiting 20 years to see it on a big screen and some wench talked through it and he missed it, went to see mad max some dirty fuckhead kept on playing with his fucking phone. so I slumped my legs over the chair in front of him and gave the fucker a dirty look.he dindt like it but fuck him,and also a woman laughted all the way through the film, with a cackalng witch sound , fuck the cinema, and all the rude cunts who go to watch the film, I thank you, fuck you all

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