The Trouble With Love

As i continue to read through some of my old blogs from about 4 years ago, i’ve been coming across some stellar self revelations.

This is from January 2007 and dealt with the first person i was really IN LOVE with.

I had a fairly bad day yesterday.
Arguments and what not. But I also had a conversation with a good friend about the stupid things we did for love. She asked me how many times I’d been in love.
Without delay I said twice.

Now you guys know me, I wear my heart on my sleeve. I’m sensitive and I like people fairly easily. But love? Its that little bit extra isn’t it.

The fact that I said twice without even thinking about it, meant there were/are two immediate people I think of when it comes to love. Two people I would/will do anything for, without question.

Now the first one I am completely over, it doesn’t mean I won’t ever think about her again, but I had memories with her, or rather of her. In the end, she treated me like dirt and used me for what she could….and we never even dated once. But hey, that’s the trouble with love.

I’ve told a few people my story with her, but after recent days, I feel its something that should be here rather.

Back in 2001 I was working at a company called Intekom, an ISP, I worked my way up there to a trainer, to the point where I actually had the power to hire people. Which was great. While I was working there, we were looking for new staff, and a girl from Durban applied for a job there, she drove up for the interview, and I immediately fell for her as she walked in the door.

So regardless of how the interview went, she’d get my vote for the job. Luckily, the other’s their agreed and she got the job. And started about a month later.

We got to know each other, and the more I got to know her the more I fell for her. Typical office environment romance….being in love with the coworker and not being able to do anything about it. Obviously being fairly new to joburg, I went out of my way to make her feel welcome, I was the guy who was always there. If she needed to get somewhere I took her, if she was sick I brought her lunch, if she got a flat tyre, I’d change it….I was that reliable guy who was always there in a time of need.

We even went to Durban together and I met her family, and went to her 21st.

Eventually I told her my feelings, she was very none responsive to it….as most people are. She eventually revealed to be that there was someone in her life she considered her soul mate…but he moved overseas a few years ago and she lost touch with him, and didn’t know if he was alive or not, or what he was doing.

Me being me, makes the ultimate promise…I promised her I would find this guy, because the only person I was prepared to lose her to, was her soul mate, because I believe I was the soul mate, not him.

Anyways, she gave me a few details, like his name, where he was from, the fact that he moved to England and his interests etc.

So began the search…

This was before the days Google was the ultimate search engine, so it took me a while to find any leads. But I did.

I asked me contacts around the UK to search the telephone directories to see if he was registered with a phone number there. Nothing.

I found a post someone from the now defunct company he used to work for made in a Linux newsgroup. The most arb thing I could find. But it was a start.

I contacted that person and explained I was looking for this guy. I didn’t get much from it, other that than an email address the guy used to have.

Searching yielded no results, I was hitting dead ends. But I made a promise.

Eventually I found an account on a chat program called ICQ that had been registered to that email address.

So I added him. After a few weeks he eventually signed on!

It was him. Then came the news, he was in Cape Town, and had been for the last few years. And he was engaged.

This would surely end the girl I liked hopes of being with him.
I put her in contact with him so that she could have some closure.

Silly me.

They began chatting, and he began offering her hopes of being friends again.
She in the meanwhile began to get nastier and nastier to me. Weird.
Eventually we had a falling out.

I left the company because I got a job offer at Microsoft.
We slowly began to get back in touch after about a year. And she told me how she needed a better job.

Once again, me being me, used my influence to get her a job at Microsoft.
It all began again….

This time it got worse quickly. Then we had a nothing arb falling out.
I got fired from Microsoft (long story), and began my journey.

I recently (and by that mean about a year ago), found out that her guy broke up with his fiancé and moved to joburg. They now live together, and are possible married or engaged.

I am glad she is happy, even at my expense. Selfishly I know they wouldn’t be together if it wasn’t for me. And I think she knows that too.

That and the heartache I suffered for a long time, was it worth it? I don’t know. Would I do it again….absolutely…

So I said that was the first time I was in love.
The second time? Well…that’s a story for another day.


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One Response to “The Trouble With Love”

  1. Burgsworld: The Essential Collection – Part 3: Surviving Love & Life « Burgs World – A guide to cutting through the stupidity of life Says:

    […] girl gets my attention? Who am I most likely to pick out of a crowd? The answers may surprise you. The Trouble With Love Yeah, I’ve been in love. A few times in my life. This is one such time, and as usual…I was […]

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