Archive for January, 2011

The Art of The Phone Conversation…

January 31, 2011

I’ve often stated than much like other serious responsibilities in this life, i.e. driving, or possessing a firearm, we as human beings should have to obtain a license in order to talk on the phone.

A phone operating license if you will.

Being a telephone hater for many years now has allowed me to look at the process of talking on the phone from a more objective stance, and the self awareness that comes with avoiding telephone conversations is certainly an eye opener.

I’ve already discussed at length why I hate the phone (a blog you will find here), but now I’d like to address why certain people shouldn’t be allowed within a 100 yards of a telephone…(200 yards if on speaker phone). This is why I personally try and avoid speaking on the phone.

There is certain etiquette than comes along with the responsibilities of talking on the phone, and if you’ll indulge me, I’d like to address a few.

One on one conversation – Guy to Girl

This is by far the trickiest of all conversation scenarios. The age old tradition of a guy and girl speaking on the phone is a lost art these days, and many will consider it an ancient form of Facebook poking, but there still a lot to be said about talking to a girl on the phone. If done correctly it can be one of the most satisfying and rewarding things a guy and a girl can do together. (the other of course being playing chess together). All conversations should be kept light, and somewhat flirty, however they should never cross the line into sordid. If the guy and girl are in a relationship/married/ living together, a phone call should never be used to remind one or the other to “bring milk/cat food/toilet paper home”. A text message will do in that case. If the guy and girl are NOT together…well….that presents a whole new set of rules, with only one key rule that should always be observed: DO NOT SPEAK OF A THIRD PARTY YOU HOOKED UP WITH!

One on one conversation – Guy to Guy

Firstly, guys should never phone each other. Period, but I understand we live in a crazy world, and it’s bound to happen. If you are a dude who likes to phone other dudes, well then may I suggest keeping it short and too the point. None of this “so what’s news” chit chat. Never ask another guy what’s going on in his life romantically, unless you have a hot female friend (not necessarily single) you are about to set him up with, there is no reason to address love, sex and romance. Finally, never ever throw in the phrase “I miss you” during the conversation. Even if it’s followed by “dude”.

The “It’s been so long” call

The opening line is always some variation of “do you know who this is?” I hate that. I really don’t have time to go through the name of every person I have known over the course of 30 plus years on this earth. Is it so hard to start off with “this is so and so”? If the last time we chatted was longer than 5-10 years ago, there is a good chance life has changed for at least one of us, so stop holding on to the past, and embrace that is completely possible that one of us is a) at a new job b) married c) is now gay. Of course if all three have happened…it’s going to be a long call.

Conference Calls

These are the bane of my existence. Don’t get be wrong, I enjoy chatting with my international colleagues, and love the collection of cultures, accents and opinions…but…when it comes to work conference calls, the phrase that always comes to mind is “there’s always one…” There’s always one guy that’s louder than everyone. There’s always one heaver breather on the line, there’s always one person chewing, there’s always one person making lame jokes, there’s always one know-it-al, there’s always one who forget he’s on speak phone and of course….there’s always one who does all of the above.

Remember, Telephone Converstaions affect us all!

These are just a few observations…I may return to this blog in the future…I would still like to advise you in the rules for ”Chatting on a Mobile phone”, “Chatting to your parents” and of course “chatting to work colleagues” but feel free to share your scenarios too. Because the more we all know, the safer this world will be for all telephone kind.

New Burg’s Resolutions…Doing It The Hard Way

January 27, 2011

While most people tend to set their goals (or is that resolutions) at the beginning of the year, I tend to give it an extra month or so to make sure I REALLY mean what I say.

As we approach the end of January, it’s easy to look back say “well, that’s a month wasted”…but…I like to do things the hard way, and play catch-up.

You all know about the big goals, because I’ve been waxing lyrical about them since you’ve known me….and longer than that for others of you.

I’m currently sick (again), and can’t help but think to myself oh no, not again – based on my health track record from the last 18 months. From tick bite fever, to mystery super bugs, to cancer scares and even a lacerated sphincter.

For those who are still reading after that last one, my first goal for this year is quite simply my health.

I’ve finally decided to join the gym, and making the decision is truly half the battle. When you look like Kung Fu Panda without the chi, joining a gym is perhaps the most intimidating thing you can do.

The only time I was ever in a gym was back in 2004 when I was on the fake gym set on a local soapie where I portrayed the troubled, but loveable “gym extra #4”.

Luckily I’ve found two ways to distract myself from the body issues that plague me. A) I’m joining the gym with the girl who I was in love with and haven’t seen since the day my heart was broken into a million little pieces. B) I’m joining a gym that was exposed on a recent consumer watch program, and has the worst reputation of all the franchises.

But I really do want to look good and be able to walk up a flight of stairs without sounding like Darth Vader.

Second on my list, is I want to do a new movie. I’ve missed the freedom that acting has allowed me over the years, and while my movie count only stands at five (two features and 3 short films), I’m still dying for something meatier.

That being said, if no movies come my way, I’m currently working on a screenplay I’m totally in love with (thanks to those who have shared their feedback on it). Of course I’m writing it with me in mind, but a promise is a promise, and I’m writing a bunch of roles which with certain people amongst you in mind.

When I’m done writing…then what? Well I don’t know…but maybe I could use all this money I’ve come into to fund the movie…that might be an option.

Thirdly, this will be the year I become a published author. I have started work on my key book, with several other’s in the stop start process, but I have the confidence to believe what I’m writing has a place in this world. Again, the question is what to do with it when its done. The plan is to try pitch it to some publishers when I’m over in New York – yeah I know, dream big eh? But fact of the matter is, I want the big time.

The book will essentially be a collection of my more emotional and personal blogs, structured together to form exactly what I preach about here…a guide to cutting through the stupidity of life. The end goal will be deal with a lot of personal issues that people go through in my honest and humorous way.

There is a lot of work ahead of me. As well as some impossible tasks, I may need some help along the way, and more importantly, I need to avoid the manic depression that has plagued me most of my life.

The destiny of course is that all this will lead me to a happy and successful life in New York City, perhaps the only place where I will find my peace and inspiration that I crave on a daily basis.

I mentioned in yesterday’s blog how I need a partner in crime. I goes far beyond what I spoke about then. I need someone who believes in what I do and what I want as much as I will believe in what she wants to achieve.

This has to be the year this all happens.

Oh…and I also would mind having sex for the second time in my life…that would be pretty cool.

I Fell in Like Last Week…

January 26, 2011

It’s been a strange ol time these last few weeks. I really have had more downs than ups. Now, I’m not one to complain, *cue audience laughter* , but I really have been in a ridiculous funk.

I’m going to use the excuse that its because of the 21st anniversary of my dad’s death yesterday, but I think the truth is much deeper than that.

Lately I’ve been searching for something …bigger than me.
Obviously it has something to do with my creativity, and when stunted, is when
Serious depression sets in.
Having thought things over,…a lot, I’ve come to the realization I need a partner in crime.
And that someone needs to be a person who has similar ambitions to me.
Now, she needs to be driven for success beyond here and now because you can have
Everything in this life, if you believe you deserve it.
Everyone may doubt you, everyone may say its impossible. But that should drive you.

I may have finally seen this in someone….truth me told, I always thought it was there, but circumstances forced us to separate for a few years, which in retrospect was the best thing as it allowed us to both grow and experience this world and all it has to offer, both good and more importantly, bad.

I recently met up with said person for drinks (or as I like to call it, Coffee or Diet Coke), and because of my hermit like ways, the hours leading up to this made me absolutely sick to my stomach. Nerves, self confidence issues, paranoia, you name it…now don’t get me wrong, this wasn’t even a date or anything like that, it was just two old friends catching up. Why do people always make so much more of me meeting up with a girl in the evening than it actually is? I sometimes think they are so desperate for me to meet someone that they get their own hopes up only to be disappointed.

Anyways, where was I.

Yes, before I met up I went though the usual procedure of self loathing. When we met up there was instant ease…as it should be right? And other than me admitting to her I was far too fat to pull off wearing a waistcoat (which I prompted me to loosen all the buttons), everything felt natural.

We chatted for hours, share very similar views on life, the world, ambition and struggles. Never before had I spoken with such freedom to someone, and more importantly, never before had someone accepted and shared my views like this. It was intoxicating. I didn’t want it to end. EVER….dramatic I know…but that’s what I am…dramatic.

I asked her if she would like to come to New York with me, which she accepted…
Ive always said i want it to be someone who appreciates it as much as i will, and put in some sort of effort to make it happen, there are others i asked before, but they never really showed the enthusiams nor put in and sort of effort to make it happen, but the instant I knew it was the right choice was when she said “I think when I arrive in New York, the first thing I would do is….cry.”

That’s exactly what I will do.

I fell in Like with her that night…

Happy New Year…Let’s Make Some Memories?

January 5, 2011


I gave a hobo 3 grand this morning.

….it was the most selfish thing I’ve done in a while.

Why? Well because I wanted to give him R10 000….but the atm would had a limit of R3000, and I felt that was more than enough for my experiment.

You see I did it for my own reasons…I wanted to see if I was the kind of person who could do that. (yes I know he probably bought R3000 worth of liquor)

Having come into a lot of money recently (I earned it the hard way in truth), I have been testing myself lately. Would money mean more to me than it used to?

I have learned the value of money, having lost everything and not even being in a position to buy a can of cooldrink if I wanted to tends to teach you a very hard life lesson.

I’ve been ok financially this past year, except for the odd unexpected expense.

But after losing 4 of my 9 lives in 2010, the year ended with promise….or rather a promise to myself.

I want to do good things with my life. I want to do good things for people, because that’s what makes me happiest…BUT….people need to be deserving of this.

Some people might be thinking I have a God complex, and I guess they wouldn’t be wrong (the controversial part of me wants to say God has a Burg complex)…but I do things because I can.

Looking through my material positions, I have everything I want. Except – a collection of happiness. I don’t have pictures of me smiling. I don’t have pictures of me with friends, heck I hardly even have my memories from the amazing things I’ve done in my life anymore – we have the hijacking at gun point to thank for that. Because those criminals clearly needed my external hard drive of memories from the last 12 years stored on it, more than I did.

I started a contest last year to take someone to New York …flight and accommodation paid for. There were those that I thought would immediately deserve it…and those that I thought could earn it. However as soon as I stopped blabbing about it…people stopped making an effort to show me they deserved it. I was disappointed to say the least…I understood they had other more important things going on, sure. BUT it saddened me that I didn’t really have the closeness with someone I crave. Its nobodies fault but my own.

We can’t buy friendships and relationships, we build them. Which is something I clearly haven’t done…and let’s be honest I’m not about to start now.

That being said, the New York trip is still very much on (as may a surprise second trip to somewhere cool)…and I may in fact end up drawing a name out of a hat…like I did with the hobo maybe. Right place right time?

Back to the said money I won. I’ve done everything with it. Paid off any debts I had, splurged on my hobbies, invested in Art, saved, given money away, stocked the house with food, spoilt people etc. etc. etc…

There are goals to accomplish this year, which i will address in a later blog, but for now….

…let’s make some memories!