How To Leave a Job – The Burg way…(Part 1)

I’ve had many…many…MANY jobs in my years…about 11 or so, and I’ve been “lucky” enough to experience most every sort of leaving situation you can get in the work place.

I’ve quit.
I’ve been retrenched
I’ve been fired
(I’ve been suspended)
And I’ve been poached by other companies.

Leaving a job, is a real moment of truth.
Everything you’ve done over the years for the company is forgotten as it comes down to those last few days you spend there, and ultimately, how you leave.

Don’t worry, I’m not gonna do what you all think I’m gonna do, which is, you know, FLIP OUT!

Suffice to say…I’ve left some jobs just as dramatically as I entered them.

If I may, I’d like to share a few stories with you. So gather around with your hot chocolate (yes, in this heat), and pull the kids closer…close enough to hug when they get scared, and of course remember, I’m the hero…so nothing bad will happen to me…in the end.

Of course, in the interest of avoiding law suits and angry stripper-grams, I’ve change the names of my former employers to protect the innocent.

Micon -> Mintekom/Melkom Internet (circa 2000)
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Working at Micon Internet was my first job in the real world, and what an experience it was. From faking my way through the job interview (which was to become not just a trend, but a bona fide skill), I worked my way up the ranks of the call centre fairly quickly, even picking up two employee of the month titles during my near 2 year stay here. Everything was going swimmingly until it was announced that out division had been acquired by another company and we were going to be moving to their new offices later on where there was a different protocol there. In other words, I was not going to be allowed to wear my man-jewelry and off beat clothing. Almost instantly alarms bells went off in my head. After making sure this wasn’t a tumor, I realized that it was indeed time to seek my riches elsewhere. After all, I was the kind of guy who would step out at lunch time and come back with a brand new eyebrow ring…and blood streaming down the side of my face. My manager was kind enough to clean me up. I had a little crush on her.

A colleague, who had left shortly before me and recommended that I join him at his current employer where you could “smoke at your desk!”, being a non smoker this meant nothing to me. But I set up an interview anyways. Of course I got the job. Duh. Shortly afterwards I handed in my resignation at Micon.

The day I did that though, I was seen at the traitor, the black sheep…I sold out dammit…I was giving up a long term future to go where I could inhale secondary smoke 8 hours a day! I was excluded from many things during the preparation for the buyout, and was eventually allowed to leave before my notice period was up. I supposed this ensured them that I didn’t steal any company secrets for the competition.

So I left with neither a whimper nor a bang…but I did take a colleague with me. Remember that Maul? (yes his name was changed too)

Mintekom/Melkom Internet-> Nicrosoft Support Desk (Circa 2002)
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We started at Mintekom/Melkom internet in the Summer of 2002, and it was the summer we would always remember….gosh, sorry, wrong story.

My friend Maul and I started at this new helpdesk eager to please and prove our worth. However within our first few days, we had the feeling of “we’ve made a huge mistake”, in fact, during our first few weeks we accidentally sent out a email to conversation the entire company about how much we hated it there. BIG mistake…although I still think it was sabotage!

A warning later and we knuckled down and made a pretty decent career for ourselves there.

Maul moved into the system admin side of things and I after being screwed over for a team leader position, got a nifty little position of “trainer” created for me. It was an AWESOME position; and I got to train staff – which if you’ve ever been in a training session with me…is fun and educational. I loved the job, I really did. Of course this meant something was going to go wrong.

Once again our division was bought out. Retrenchments were looming and I was one of the first one the chopping block. There was no avoiding it. The management not wanting to lose me, hired me back as a normal call centre agent. This sucked beyond compare, and soon the feet were itching….

I had been chatting to a friend on ICQ during my time at Mintekom, and in-between flirting with her –and 50 other contacts, I had mentioned my job situation. (ICQ is an old chat program in case the kids have stopped you to ask what this is)

She contacted me a few weeks later and said the Nicrosoft helpdesk was looking to hire a new agent. I thought wow…Nicrosoft…that’s the big leagues! A fluffed up CV, and a “sick day” later, I was in the interview room, where I once again chaaaaaarmed my interviewer. I got the job. Duh!


Nicrosoft Support Desk -> Umemployment (Circa 2004)

—————————————————————-

I handed in my notice at Mintekom and waited out my time. I turned my last day into a game of Survivor, and forced everyone to vote me out the office. Of course everyone was seemingly busy, and didn’t have time to play my silly games. But at least I would see that at my after work farewell drinks. Come one come all!!….come anyone? I think the turnout was about 3 people, one of which was a new guy I didn’t even know. My boss who was one of my better friends in life at the time didn’t turn up. A few weeks later though he did get hold of me and apologize for the way he acted and invited me to lunch. I think I had the beef.

My first day at Nicrosft was memorable. Ask anyone what I wore and they would probably tell you. I had my long black coat, piercings and a killer smile. Soon thereafter I was asked to stop wearing my earings. F#*!.

This was to be a sign of times ahead. Right off the bat, let me say the first person I sat with on my first day is someone who I to this day consider my best friend, so it wasn’t all bad.

As time went on, the usual changes came and went, we moved buildings (more times than I can remember), our holding company changed (more times than I can remember), and my manager changed – just the once was enough to shape the rest of my destiny.

I faked knowing what I was doing for over 2 years, a record for me, and even managing to pick up the “best team” award for our service and stats….i still have trophy hah!

As some of you have come to realize I speak my mind. I speak up against oppression and I tell the truth. Some managers, read manager, didn’t like this. A few months of back and forth arguing and complaints between the two of us eventually led to showdown!

Of course, this was on his turf, and I got screwed over like no man in the history of screwing has ever been screwed before.

In a disciplinary hearing I was fired, told to leave immediately, by the time I got back to my desk, I was locked out my pc and couldn’t even send out a goodbye email. Which for the record I am king of. I write goodbye emails like no man in the history of goodbye emails will ever be able to do.

This however backfired on them. Because the worst was yet to come. I took some time, collected my thoughts, and proceeded to write the biggest expose on the people I despised and who had stabbed me in the back, and proceeded to “send to all” the next day. Of course they tried to open a case against me, but I had changed all names and places so there was nothing the could do, but cringe from embarrassment.

Let it be know, I don’t just burn bridges. I burn the bridges, the entire village, the neighboring town, and uncle’s joe’s farm in the next state.

The article was called was “and i don’t agree with that in the workplace”, and it was legendary. Ask around.

That led to my extended period of unemployment…
Much more to come…including the greatest farewell email of all time written by me)

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One Response to “How To Leave a Job – The Burg way…(Part 1)”

  1. Burgsworld: The Essential Collection – Part 3: Surviving Love & Life « Burgs World – A guide to cutting through the stupidity of life Says:

    […] How to leave a job – The Burg way…(Part 1) How To Leave A Job – The Burg Way (Part 2) A classic two part blog covering almost 13 years of my life and the jobs I loved and left. A favourite amongst former colleagues. What Would The Neighbors Think? (Part 1) A deeply draining blog that reveals only a portion of the things that have happened in the house of Burg. I will come back to part 2 eventually. […]

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