Archive for March, 2011

The List Guys Don’t Want Ladies To Know Exists!

March 27, 2011

What I’m about to reveal may result in getting me banned from any “guy meetings” that may take place in the world for the rest of my existence.

However, it is something that women have always suspected existed, and now like a magician who has been kicked out of the alliance…I shall reveal all.

The other night I went out. A rare occurrence for me these days, however it was to something I was looking forward to, so there was no chance I was going to cancel, or come up with some lame excuse like I usually do.

Instead, I said yes, I’d be there, with bells on, or in this case…with a plus one.

The idea of a plus one, is an age old tradition that brings a man like me to his knees. Whether it be concerts, movies, weddings, work functions or simply a friend’s dinner, a plus one is the ultimate firestarter for an overthinker.

Anyways, back to Friday’s outing. It was to a movie preview. Simple in concept, and easily where I’m at my most charming and impressive. The evening called for a partner who would a) appreciate the movie b) appreciate that we are there to see a movie and c) be able to have an opinion afterwards that I’d actually want to hear.

Let’s fast forward to my plus one for the night. It ended up being an old military buddy (not really, but work was hell back in those days), he’s a good friend who has similar interests as me, so we enjoyed ourselves and constructively discussed the movie afterwards. Perfect.

Now comes the big reveal. He was not my first choice. (and he knows this because he knows the rules and plays by them too.)

You see, in order for him to have come to movie with me, I first had to make my way through the list, and IF nobody on that list was able to make it, by default, he was in.

The list is one which guys don’t want you to know exists.

For the safety of any guys out there, I will from hereon out refer to “we” as “I”.

I have a list. And every time I go out, or have a function coming up that gives me the chance to ask someone out, I consult this list.

The list is normally, but not limited to, comprised of five women I am very interested in.

There is always a definite #1 on the list, the hottest, and most appealing of all the women, who I will ALWAYS ask first. In the slim hope that she is free that night. 90% of the time she isn’t, because come on…she’s WAY outta my league, but there’s always that 10% chance she says yes, and boy, when she does, it doesn’t matter if we’re going to a wedding or a funeral, the fact that she is with me makes everything else seem inconsequential.

#2 on the list is general a woman that I really like, and at times thought she might even like me too, but since she always has a new boyfriend of the month, you never quite know if there will every be anything…but there’s no way you’re taking her off the list.

#3 is often the newest person on your list. She is someone you may have been out with once or twice. There is however, a distinct possibility that you may have in fact never even met her in person! I have two of those at the moment. One is in Cape Town, and the other one here in Johannesburg. I will always be waiting for just the right thing to ask them too.

#4 is normally the person I’ve known the longest. She tends to have already put you in the friends zone. You refuse to believe that the door is totally closed on a relationship, and live in the hope that she will one day decide to say what the hell and give it chance. Every now and again I make this friendship awkward by flirting a little too much.

# 5 is the most reliable of the lot, she is normally “ok” looking, and you get along great, and for so many reasons you could easily be with her on a more …full time basis…but, truth of the matter is, she’s not numbers 1-4.

The hard and fast rule of asking someone on the list out is that you NEVER extend the invite to more than one person at a time.

You always ask #1 first, and you don’t, under any circumstances ask another person until she has absolutely said no. Sometimes however, this may result in her only finally saying no about an hour before the event starts, which normally results in you going straight to #5 on the list and missing out on the other girls.

If #5 is not suddenly willing to drop what she’s doing and get ready…well, then you’ve always got your guy friends to fall back on.

So when I post a message on my facebook status, about how I have a ticket to this or that, yes, I am often directing it to those five in the hope that one of them makes my job easier, because I’m actually too scared of getting rejected by EVERYONE on the list.

The actual girls on the list can change, but the reasons they are on the list often don’t.

Mmm…I wonder if I should name and shame the 5 on my list …I’ll tell you this much…there are ALL Burgie award winners and nominees…

For the record, if I don’t post a blog again, its because there has been a bounty put on my head by the male species…

Alone vs Lonely – A Burg’s Definition

March 21, 2011

One of the easiest ways to turn a conversation tense, is when I start discussing how lonely it is being alone, especially with a member of the female race.

Her definition of being alone is always girl-power centric. Perhaps a reflex defense mechanism to prevent me from asking her out, she is quick to state that she is so much happier being alone than having to explain her ways to some overprotective jealous boyfriend. Of course, within a couple of weeks she has found herself a new overprotective jealous boyfriend.

I’ve been alone most all of my life. I don’t say that as a sort of “woe is me” statement, but rather as a life fact. We’ve delved into my personal history enough of the last few months to prove this, and won’t go down that road today.

Having grown used to being alone, one adapts. Through the years, I’ve had to make do with being the only child (through circumstance), the one guy who doesn’t fit into a clique, and of course being a likeable guy with an amazing personality (read: too nice a guy to get into a relationship with).

What follows now, is my definitions of being alone vs being lonely.

Of course the internet, and now subsequently Social Networks have been a double edged sword when it comes to being alone and lonely, but hey, at least they’ve ironically brought you to this blog.

Shopping
—————————
Being alone has its perks. For instance, it’s easy to go grocery shopping. You don’t need to squabble over different name brands when it comes to toothpaste, air freshener or butter vs margarine.

Being lonely however, results in a much higher monthly expense bill. Over the years, I’ve found myself buying things like dart boards, a pool table and board games, in the hope that just in case I do in fact have someone over who happens to know how to play any of these games.

Staying In

——————-
Being alone is a great way to avoid smoky clubs, loud music and arguments over whether to rent Bridget Jones Diary, or buy the latest Steven Seagal movie on Bluray. Dinner is also a pleasure, because in being alone, a packet of Big Korn Bites does truly qualify as a meal.

Being lonely however results in way too many hands of Solitaire – with real cards. You tend to miss almost all of your shows on TV because of constant channel surfing. Friday night porn just becomes another show with way too many ads.

Going Out
—————————-

Being alone is a blessing when going to the cinema ie. Viewers choice! Going out for a meal, whilst somewhat sad, means that there is nobody to pick on your plate instead of eating what they ordered for themselves.

Being lonely makes going to the drive in somewhat pathetic. Going to a concert highlights the fact that you’re the only person out of 10,000 people who is not there with someone.

Work
———————–

Being alone is productive. You get more work done that most of the other staff combined.

Being lonely is noticeable when you’re the only one who attended work Xmas parties alone, year after years, after year, after year. People tend to notice you are the only person who never gets private calls, not even on your mobile phone.

Online
————————-

Being alone is great, as you don’t have to quickly close your laptop to prevent anyone from seeing what you’re watching online. You have full permission to instant message anyone of the opposite sex and you can shop alone till you’re credit card is finally rejected.

Being lonely online makes you come across as need, attention hungry and somewhat creepy. Fueling you with the desire to explain yourself in a blog of some sorts…

So…which one are you? Alone or Lonely?

I definitely started my life off as alone…but I’ve undoubtedly succumbed to being lonely.

The Burgies: And the Winner is…(Part 3)

March 13, 2011

And we’re back for the final part of this year’s 1st annual Burg’s World Awards where the most prestigious awards of the year continue to shock and surprise us.

However, due to time constraints, last night we handed out several award for technical achievements, please join us in congratulation the following award winners –

I Don’t Have The Guts To Ask You Out On A DATE Date Award – Kayan Amira Leung

If I Was Just A Little Bit Younger Award – Farah Barry

I’d Do Pretty Much Anything For You, Even Though You Don’t Know I Exist Award – Kriya Gangiah

You Might Actually Know More Than Me Award – Brennan Babb

Why’d You Have to Go And Get Married Award – Paula Fehrsen

The Impact Award For Outstanding Contributions – Susanne Weber

Best International Friend Award – Gordon Brown

*ad break*

Ladies and Gentlemen, please welcome our next presenter – Angelina Jolie.

Angelina Jolie – “Hello. There are millions of starving children all around the world, and we are spending time handing out these awards? For every winner tonight, I will adopt and African child…Ok, let’s get this over with. The nominees for the I’m Not So Secretly Attracted To You, And This Freaks You Out Award are”

Ika van der Vyver – There are few people I admire as much as this lady. A true icon in Burg’s World, she continues to set the trend for self empowerment as well as self improvement. How can that not be attractive to a guy? She is pure class.

Loshanee Moodaley – Beauty, ambition, wit and legs that kills. Yup, those boxes are all ticked. Which ironically are the same four boxes that put her WAY outta my league. But a man can dream…and most every night its of her.

Paula Fehrsen – multiple nominee already tonight, I keep thinking to myself….time machine…

Thamashni Naidoo – Gorgeous, pop culture savvy and sexy as hell. Her milkshake truly brings all the boys to the yard…and those boys would all beat the cr@p outta me before they let me close enough to every stand a chance.

Special write in entry Lori Jones – despite history, I will always think she was THE one. End of story.

And, the winner is…Loshanee Moodaley!!!

*ad break*

Please welcome your next presenter…Mel Gibson

Mel Gibson – “This is perhaps the creepiest category known to man….and if anyone knows anything about creepy…it’s me. Hey sugar tits, slow the prompter down so I can keep up. Here are the nominees for the I Know We’ve Never Met, But I Really Like You…A Lot Award

Farah Barry – she is so innocent it blows my mind. In a world where there is so much wrong, she brings a smile to my fave with the way she enjoys the simple things in life. I hope her view on life doesn’t change as she gets older, because she is a breath of fresh air in life.

Romi Moondi – In my dream world…she fits perfectly as the missing piece of my puzzle of perfection. Realistically she is the one person I will never meet in life, which I suppose is for the best as if we did…the world might explode.

Shaheema Barodien – People have told me that the only person I would ever be happy with, is a female version of myself. And hopefully she doesn’t read this and go jump in front of a buss, but she is the closest thing to the female version of myself. I have the utmost respect for her work, and like to poke and prod to test her tolerance, which I think annoys her immensely…but its like when someone pulls your pigtails in nursery school…

Aletia Naidoo – a mystery unto herself. This is what perhaps makes her to so attractive to me. There is so much I will never be able to understand about her, but so much I want to know. I hope I will get the time in this life or the next. Her beauty on the outside is matched only by the beauty of her soul.

Sheetal Magan – I watch her from a distance. Not literally of course…(that’s a different award), but her passion is a flame which will never be extinguished. The relationship she has with the people in her life is pure and honest, as she seems to be.

And the winner is…Shaheema Barodien!!!

*ad break*

Ok folks, here to present the final award of the evening is the man himself…The Burg!

Wow…what an evening it’s been. Thank you to everyone who has endulged me this evening. I love and appreciate having you all in my life no matter how close we are. There are those that don’t even know the impact they have had on me. We may not talk, or hang out, or even see eye to eye. But I am who I am because you are who you are.

Now I’d like to present the final award of the evening. …

The Burg Lifetime Achievement Award

Paul & Angelique Elliott – this two people have seen me at my worst, at my best and at my burgest. They have never judged, always offered a hand and a heart when I never knew how to ask. I am so happy that they seem to be happy in life, and the only reason I don’t know this for sure is because of my own laziness. I will make the effort to be a better friend to both of you.

Simone Ka-Ling Ho – Wow, so much has been said already. I mean every word of it, and now double so. I have turned down many an invite, and you still continue to be such a good friend to me. A lesser person would of walked away a long time ago. Of all the clouds up there in the sky, you are my favourite one.

Natasha & Stephen Prior – From boss, to tennis opponent, to friend. Two of my favourite people in the world. Supportive even at the darkest of times, they always seemed to have faith in me. Through my craziest comments, to my brutal honesty, they never once saw me as anything other than a friend. I cannot wait for you to come home. I need that energy.

And, the winner of the first ever Lifetime Achievement award is….Natasha & Stephen Prior!!!

That’s a wrap folks, congrats to all the winners, and thanks to my celeb friends for helping make this ceremony a success….see you again next year! Or whenever it seems appropriate to do this again.

See you at the Afterparty!

The Burgies: And the Winner is…(Part 2)

March 13, 2011

Welcome back to the 1st Annual Burg’s World Awards, it’s been a ceremony filled with celebrities and emotions. But we’re not done yet folks…so please welcome your next guest presenter…Jack Black!

Jack Black – “Alriiiight. So…the Burgies huh…its like being at the Rock n Roll hall of fame…you know…without the Rock…and there’s no actuall hall…and nobody here is really famous…I don’t really know any of these people here tonight…but Hey We Could Actually Be Good Friends If We Hung Out More… Not That We Will Award

Ashley Kleyhans – A man who like me, speaks his mind and expresses his opinion. We didn’t really know each other THAT well during our working together days, and truth be told I was probably a little intimidated by you. We have grown to become good friends who have a lot of mutual interests, and I thank you for taking the time and effort to engage in conversation and debate with me so often.

Warren Harding – Forget Tiger bloog…we have Puma blood. Someone I always got along with and enjoying spending time with. I’m glad we chat as much as we do now, and I hope we get to catch up when I’m next down in CT. A true gentleman.

Thamashni Naidoo – We only just scraped the surface of our friendship, but it felt like it was over before it began. Which is such a pity because I will always have that “What If…” feeling when thinking about you.

Jay Cee – Perhaps its your love of classic TV like me that earns you a nomination, but I think we have deeper understanding of each other as you know part of my live a lot of people never got to see. The tragedy that bonds us is something that bonds us.

Talita Mostert – If it wasn’t for that silly time difference…and the fact that you live on a different continent, I have no doubt we would be better friends. I hope that one day we get too see each other again, because you truly are one of the sweetest people I know.

And…the winner is …Warren Harding!!!

*ad break*

Please welcome to the stage your next host…Woody Allen.

Woody Allen – “Good evening everyone *adjusts glasses*…all these nominees are truly *adjusts glasses* capable of being world glass talents. Which is rare in Hollywood *adjusts glasses* as none of them are Jewish*. This is the Let’s Make a Movie Together Award

Jordan Shade – We had such great chemistry during our time together, and my greatest regret is that we only made a short film together…we need to expand to full feature sir. An accomplished actor who deserves more attention.

Roland Gaspar – Firstly, a hearty congrats on your wedding this weekend. Secondly…We need just one more film to complete our trilogy. Let’s make it happen. Slam Bang thank you mam.

Dan Ger Mac – This guy is so talented it’s scary. We need to work together soon. We have been promising it for years now, but our common love for Wes Anderson must stand for something in this crazy world…

Morne Du Toit – Whatever happened to this guy…I joke I joke…he’s doing more work than I could ever hope for. Another man I need to complete a trilogy with. Co-star and director…we need our third.

Sheetal Magan – Another true talent who needs a chance to shine. I wholeheartedly believe she will do something life changing in this world…I can only hope I will be part of it in some way.

And, the winner is…Dan Ger Mac!!!

*ad break*

*musical number

*ad break*

Ladies and Gentlemen, please welcome…Miley Cryus!

Miley Cyrus – “Hi ya’ll. I’m sure you’d all agree that tonight’s awards have been pretty cool. Wouldn’tcha? I’m here to present the In A Different Time, A Different Place, A Different World Award, and just a note to the winner…trust me…ya’ll really can have the best of both worlds!”

Romi Moondi – My muse. Pure and simple. This northern light is the only person on this planet who can pull me out a writer’s block with a simple word. For me, she is perfection. Beautiful and talented.

Paula Fehrsen – As I mentioned, a primary school friend. My greatest regret was in 1992, not being brave enough to come up and speak to you at the post office the year after we parted ways. I was at a low self confidence point. Two decades later I see you happily married with a beautiful child. I sometimes feel selfishly sad that its not me, but for the most part I’m happy that YOU’RE happy.

Leigh Lobotomy – If only I was a little cooler. That’s the truth. I get intimidated by the life you lead because I fear I would get eaten alive. I like to watch from a far I guess. I wish you nothing but happiness because you deserve the life that you want.

Kimberly Lloyd – An award winner already tonight, Ms Lloyd is my one and only Colt. I wish I was there, and more of a bad boy 😉 We have miles to go before we sleep though, I can promise you that!

Simon Williamson – If I swung that way, dude you would be my perfect choice. Sports mad, an amazing writer who is sharp as a tack and not afraid of controversies. Sign me up sailor!

And, the winner is…wow… we have a tie! Romi Moondi and Leigh Lobotomy!!!

*ad break*

Please welcome the one, the only….The cast of Friends!

Jennifer Anniston – “you know guys..i’m glad we were all able to have career after friends ended…I mean I had a number 1 movie”
Matt LeBlanc – “I’ve got a critically acclaimed new show called Episodes”
David Schwimmer – “…um..i got married”
Courtney Cox – “And I got separated”
Lisa Kudrow – “uh…you guys are all so successful, now I’m jealous!”
Matthew Perry – “Hey come now guys…Didn’t We Used to Be better friends than This?”

Brett Schewitz – I hope the fact that I told you I stopped following you on twitter hasn’t ruined our friendship. We are better than that. I know you’re a busy guy now, but time difference aside, I hope we chat again soon…

Claire Ullyett – An old school friend, and old colleague…we’ve seen a lot in our time, and truth me told, I don’t know nearly enough about your life and what you’re up to these days. I should have been a better friend.

Benita Enoch – And up and down friendship that has finally reached some sort of calm and understanding, our heated chats became more loving as time went by. I miss sharing things with you and hearing how your life and love is progressing.

Paul & Angelique Elliott – Two of my closest friends. I always feel somewhat guilty that I let you guys down during my downward spiral. There were times I felt ashamed of myself and couldn’t hang out with you because of that. I’m angry that I haven’t even seen your bouncing boy yet…I do hope I get enough energy back in my life to make a better effort to be your friend again.

Nabila Esat – I feel like we only friends when both of us are single. Am I wrong? I hope that it’s just me being paranoid, but I’m normally right about this things. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again. You have grown from a girl into a beautiful woman.

And, the winner is…Paul & Angelique Elliott!!!

*ad break*

Please welcome back… Charlie Sheen!

Charlie Sheen – “That’s right trolls I’m back! Every Warlock needs a good assistant who does everything for him…just like i did for that troll John Cryer on the set of Two and a Half Men, and what he didn’t appreciate was that Effort Goes A Long Way In My Book Award

Kayan Amira Leung – That smile could melt even the coldest of hearts, and at times mine is the coldest of the cold. While most people take my moods and just being moods, this lady is an absolute sweetheart, who has done what few people have ever done. Found my address and come to visit me with a box of muffins! (the doorway too my heart as we know)

Simone Ka-Ling Ho – A Burgies award winner already tonight. From the days of The Burgs Eye View Website and ICQ, this classy lady has stuck with me for longer than most people can tolerate. And now when I think books…I think you.

Susanne Weber – If im interested in something…she’s makes the effort to learn about it, do the research and be able to relate. She never pretends, she never makes excuses. She’s became such a regular in my life that I actually feel a bit empty when she’s not commenting or discussing something I’ve posted online!

Warren Harding – Showing a genuine interest in my life and the things I do. This is the guy who kept my farewell email sent out almost 6 years ago! I appreciate each and every minute you talk just to say “dude ‘sup”.

Russel Pieters – A Burgie award winner tonight already. I’m not really one to go out anymore, that’s just part of the hermit I’ve become, but I just wanted you to know that I’ve appreciated each and every invite you have extended my way. I’ve slowly allowed myself back into the world and your friendship has helped with that.

And, the winner is…Kayan Amira Leung!!!

*ad break*

Coming up next, who will take home the final 3 awards of the evening? Stay tuned for more surprises!

The Burgies: And the Winner is…(Part 1)

March 13, 2011

Hello and welcome to the first annual Burg’s World Awards, affectionately known as The Burgies.

It’s been an exciting few days for the nominees who have been on the edge of their seats awaiting the results of this highly anticipated Awards Show.


With that…let’s go to our host….Me.

*musical interlude*

*ad break*

*musical number*

*ad break*

*musical number*

*ad break*

*three hours later….

Well everyone, this is the moment you have been waiting for…Please welcome your first presenter…Charlie Sheen

Charlie Sheen – “ I’m here to present the I Envy Your Life, Even Though I Know Nothing About it except From What I See On Facebook Award. In my opinion all of these nominees are already Duh…winning.

Andrew Murray – based in New York is enough of a reason to earn this former colleague a nomination. His constant advice is welcome as I try and join him in the City that never sleeps.

Corinne Lalouette – Ah to be young again…This lady has not been afraid to live her dreams, and is not afraid to try something new. A globe trotter of the highest order.

Mohammed Seedat – Another former colleague and Liverpool, Mo’s collection of travel photo’s and sporting event photos is enough to make anyone Red with envy.

Kriya Gangiah – a star on the rise. I have been watching this lady since last year’s World Cup match between USA and Algeria when in a capacity crowd of 35,000 people she was the only one I noticed walking around the touchline. A presented, actress and mode. The world is her oyster.

Kayan Amira Leung – A long time friend who has been on the other side of the world for the longest time, but her Facebook photos and emails have made me feel like I’ve been with her every step of the way.

And the winner is….Corinne Lalouette!!!

*ad break*

Ladies and Gentlemen, please welcome your next presenter…Gerrard Butler

Gerrard Butler – “Helloooo Ladies aaand Gentle men…this next catagoooorie is filled with peeeple hooo haaave at times seeeeemingly dropped off the plaaaanet, but hooo’s conversaaation is definitely missssed. This is the “I Miss Talking To yoooo Award””

Veronique Lalouette – we used to chat so often about our lives and views on the world…then you carried on with you life while I retreated into my world. I miss not being about to talk about all the big things that are happening with you, and wish you all the best for the upcoming nuptials.

Roxanne Lauren Konkol – those late night chats and vents were something I always felt honoured to be around for, as you grew up though, you experience the real world and all it had to offer…I felt left behind because of my own self confidence issues. Your honesty was only matched by mine.

Simon Williamson – a friend made during the toughest period of my life, our Boj jokes and award winning screenplays were the stuff of legends. Then we drifted apart and realized most of our friendship was based on our proximity together. I’m so happy for your recent engagement and wish you the best. But I’m sorry I havent been around to know more about your fascinating life.

Thamashni Naidoo – a random friendship that was formed. Perhaps it moved to fast or I expected too much, but chatting to you was always a highlight of my day or night. Some bad decisions soured the friendship, its not about blame, or accountability anymore. People are people and I miss talking to you…even if it is about hot football players. *awkward silence*

Kimberly Lloyd – BBM ruined our friendship lol…the time difference of course has a hand in keeping us from being better friends. We were on a roll for a few weeks/months and it was by far the most enjoyeable time of my life in recent years. The silly things like real life got in the way.

And the winner is…..Kimberly Lloyd!!!

*ad break*
*musical number*

Please welcome…our next host…Kim Kardashian….

Kim Kardashian…”Heeeeey Guys, I’m super proud to be here tonight, because I’ve realized that family comes first, and sometimes you need to be super proud of what you can achieve when you communicate with others. My new perfume taught me all about being a businesswoman and I’m super proud of that. I guys you might say, You’re My Biggest Fan…and that’s what this award is for.”

Michelle Daniels – a Myspace friendship that had its initial ups and down and arguments, we eventually both matured in our lives and found our true roads of destiny, always supportive of my and willing to forgive my moods to show that our friendship was something more than just a “new friend request”.

Simone Ka-Ling Ho – One of my longest running supporters. Always there with a word of advice, a mention of encouragement and a sympathetic ear. Our conversations go back a long long time.

Susanne Weber – An old school friend who always made time for a good conversation back then already. Her willingness to ask questions about something obscure I talk about was always genuine and heartfelt.

Darren Symington – an unexpected friend who understood my dark twisted view on life, and has always been able to related to something I put out there, no matter how controversial or smug. Supportive of letting me be ME.

Andre Ulrich George – The first of two newer followers who has been supportive and encouraging of my more emotional work. Not sure how he found out about my existence, but I’ve learned not to ask these question…

Annie Naidoo – If ever there was an accidental friendship, this was it. A true groupie (in the best possible way) of my work, and a constant reinforcement of this being what I am supposed to be doing with my life. She’s good people…even if she’s a Man U supporter!

And The winner is…Simone Ka-Ling Ho!!!

*ad break*

Please welcome back… Charlie Sheen

Charlie Sheen – “You’re all on a drug right now…and it’s called Charlie Sheen…forget about the Friendship Comeback Award, this should be the Tiger Blood Award, because all these guys need Adonis DNA if they’ve managed to stay friends with The Burg through the rollercoaster”

Russel Pieters – My best friend in High school, or at least I always liked to believe so. I’ve always had a confidence issue that made me believe I’ve never been anyone’s best friend. We lost so many years being out of touch, and when we chat it feels like no time at all has passed. Life has changed, but you haven’t sir.

Justin Paulsen – and up and down friendship for many years now. I think it took us a long time to figure out what kind of friends we were, and we seem to be at a comfort level now. I thank you for your help during the bad stage of life, it show that you are a much better person than i.

Leonardo Borella – A true friend no matter what. My greatest regret is that I wasn’t there for so many big moments in your life. You’re a hard working, honest friend who’s heart is bigger than most people’s combined. This calls for a victory roll Len.

Natasha & Stephen Prior – Last year’s catchup in London was just the shot in the arm our friendship needed. I got lazy, you got a family. But the time I spent with your family is one of the true honours in my life. I love you all dearly, and can’t wait to get your butt back on the tennis courts. Tash – you may want to film it to show the kids.

Paula Fehrsen – An old primary school friend. Our recent conversations have been so heartfelt and fun. I spent many years looking for you, and am so glad that we chat, even if it is on such an infrequent basis.

And The Winner Is….Russel Pieters!!!

*ad break*

Please welcome your next host….Sean Connery.

Sean Connery – “Hello. I’m Shhhhhean Connery.”
*standing ovation*
“Thish ish…the Did You Ever Know That You’re My Hero Award”

Jessica & Leon Byker – Oh Canada! The Doc and Jessica Rabbit have always been two of my favourite people. They are so genuine in their friendship to others that they are the kind of people you wish for nothing but happiness. Their hard work has paid off and they are now one of the lucky ones (twos?) who have ventured into a brave new world. Something I talk about, but they actually did.

Jean Barker – A witty lady who has given up everything here to be a screenwriter in LA? Yes, I know what you’re think…my perfect woman. She is undoubtedly an inspiring person, even if that make her uncomfortable. I am living vicariously through her. For Now at least…

Leigh Lobotomy – a true wild child. So honest in who she is, she is the genuine article. Accepting of her mistakes, and brave in her desires….Authentic and original. There are few people like you left in this world dear.

Brett Schewitz – A passionate person who ventured out into a brave new world. A true South African at heart, he’s following he dream of a bigger career and a better life. Nobody deserves it more than him.

Michelle Daniels – What can I say that I haven’t already? A lucky lady who turned her dream into a reality.

And the winner is…Jean Barker!!!

*ad break*

Please welcome the next presenter – the 1980’s version of Eddie Murphy

Eddie Murphy – “A-he-he-he…Howdy folks. You know, you don’t often hear a black man saying howdy. In fact the only time you hear a brother saying Howdy, is in the sentence “How’d he know we was jacking that car?” A-he-he-he. You white folks all gotta light up, because this next category is for you only – this is the You’re Almost As Big A Geek As Me Award”

Till Tillman – If Germany had it’s own Burg…it would be The Till. Action Showdown Friday is the highlight of my week.

Robin Pierce – If I turn into sir Pierce when I’m a (slightly) older man. Life would of turned out pretty damn good. Sir Pierce is proof that it is possible to be a loving family man and still keep your geek credentials in tact. A legend.

Gordon Brown – a long time friend, fellow pop culture fan and wrestling booker. We have been through the ups and downs of loss and changes in our love for Wrestling. We have discussed awesome movies and shared thoughts on books. Up the Morton!

Travis Marc – One heck of a talent, a nice guy and sort of a nerd. I’m discovering more and more that we have in common as the years go by.

Justin Paulsen – Me? Him? Me? Him? Only he would load Windows 98 just to play classic games. Legend.

And The Winner is…Robin Pierce!!!

Ladies and Gentleman, we will take a short break and return later with the rest of your winners….

The 1st Annual Burg’s World Awards Nominees

March 9, 2011

Hello Everyone

I thought for a change, instead of talking about me, I’d like to take a moment and talk about my friends, and also my “friends”.

This blog is dedicated to all of those who have had an impact on my life over the last few years, knowingly or unknowingly they have had a direct influence on my day to day life.

So with that, i’d like to announce the first ever nominess for the Burgies. An annual celebration of those who follow me and allow me to follow them back (no i don’t mean on Twitter…although some of my twitter peeps are nomination too!)


I Envy Your Life, Even Though I Know Nothing About it except From What I See On Facebook Award

Andrew Murray
Corinne Lalouette
Mohammed Seedat
Kriya Gangiah
Kayan Amira Leung

I Miss Talking To You Award
Veronique Lalouette
Roxanne Lauren Konkol
Simon Williamson
Thamashni Naidoo
Kimberly Lloyd

You’re My Biggest Fan Award
Michelle Daniels
Simone Ka-Ling Ho
Susanne Weber
Darren Symington
Andre Ulrich George
Annie Naidoo

Friendship Comeback Award
Russel Pieters
Justin Paulsen
Leonardo Borella
Natasha & Stephen Prior
Paula Fehrsen

Did You Ever Know That You’re My Hero Award
Jessica & Leon Byker
Jean Barker
Leigh Lobotomy
Brett Schewitz
Michelle Daniels

You’re Almost As Big A Geek As Me Award
Till Tillman
Robin Pierce
Gordon Brown
Travis Marc
Justin Paulsen

I’m Not So Secretly Attracted To You, And This Freaks You Out Award
Ika van der Vyver
Loshanee Moodaley
Paula Fehrsen
Thamashni Naidoo
special write in entry Lori Jones.

I Know We’ve Never Met, But I Really Like You…alot Award
Farah Barry
Romi Moondi
Shaheema Barodien
Aletia Naidoo
Sheetal Magan


Didn’t We Used to Be better friends than This Award

Brett Schewitz
Claire Ullyett
Benita Enoch
Paul & Angelique Elliot
Nabila Esat

Hey We Could Actually Be Good Friends If We Hung Out More…not that we will Award
Ashley Kleyhans
Warren Harding
Thamashni Naidoo
Jay Cee
Talita Mostert

Let’s Make a Movie Together Award
Jordan Shade
Roland Gaspar
Dan Ger MAc
Morne Du Toit
Sheetal Magan

In A Different Time, A Differnt Place, A Different World Award
Romi Moondi
Paula Fehrsen
Leigh Lobotomy
Kimberly Lloyd
Simon Williamson

Effort Goes A Long Way In My Book Award
Kayan Amira Leung
Simone Ka-Ling Ho
Susanne Weber
Warren Harding
Russel Pieters

The Burg Lifetime Achievement Award
Paul & Angelique Elliott
Simone Ka-Ling Ho
Natasha & Stephen Prior

The Impact Award
This is a viewers choice award and will be voted for on Facebook. It will go to the person who has made the biggest …well…Impact…that was pretty obvious right?

Congrats to all the nominees! Including those lucky enough to pick up multiple noms.
The Winners will be announced this weekend in a star studded ceremony held in my bedroom….(yes i’ll be watching more dvds), and will receive a very special surprise!

What’s in a name? Well it depends how it’s spelt…

March 9, 2011

It’s safe to say I’m getting progressively crankier in my old age…I don’t deny this. There are a lot of day to day things that irritate me…some more than others, but there is one thing that never fails to get me seething just at the mere sight of it.

My name is Shaun Myburg. (Burg to my friends.)

I’ve always had a big problem with my name being spelt wrong. The most common mistake is Shaun being spelt wrong…or an extra “h” being thrown onto the end of my surname…when people assume I’m Afrikaans.

Sure it happens. It’s no big deal right?

Well, when your entire career (and future career) depends on the cachet of you name…it’s darn important.

Ever since I was a kid, I was lucky enough win competitions on a regular basis, which by proxy, meant my name appeared in magazines or newspapers for the whole country to see. I loved that feeling of seeing my name “in lights”…it always just felt right.

It was a naturally stepping stone for my name being on a byline or in film and TV credits. I was a star in the making…ok…ego aside, who doesn’t get a rush from seeing their name in print? After all, that’s why we all Google ourselves these days.

That being said…every time there was a misprint of my name in the paper, it was equally there for the world to see…

A double edged sword if any.

All through school, when certificates were handed out I loved seeing my name spelt in that almost-old-English-font for achievement in this or that. I cleaned house in primary school with certificates, but as High School came around and my personal life took a tumble, the certificates stopped coming.

In fact, through my 5 years of High School, there was only one certificate I ever got…however it was a big one.

You see, I had the pretty remarkable record of never missing a single day of school. EVER. Despite everything I went through, I always went to school.

So come the end on my 12 year schooling career, I was to be acknowledged for a PERFECT attendance record. Some may be impressed, and others may think it’s the nerdiest thing ever…well newsflash, there were only two of us who got that certificate, and neither of us were anywhere close to nerds.

At the awards evening, when my name was called, it was all slow motion as I walked up on stage to receive this mark of achievement. In my head there was a standing ovation, there were people chanting my name and there was a beautiful girl awaiting to hand me my award. Of course, none of those existed in reality, but there was that piece of paper that made it all worth it.

I collected it, flashed my million dollar smile to the paparazzi and made my way back to my seat.

Then it all came crashing down as I noticed not just my first name, but also my last name were spelt wrong on the certificate.

So my 12 years of schooling is perfectly captured in that incorrectly spelt certificate.

The years that followed had their moments of frustration.

Like this one time when I was working at a computer expo for my late cousin, and the name tag they had printed out for me read

Shawn Mabuna

Every person who came to my stand asked my about my strange surname (especially for a white guy living in South Africa…). Of course I spend the whole time explaining it was a major typo instead of actually getting any business for our company.

As I entered the corporate world, things became even more tense.

From computer login names to my email address, EVERY first day was met with an incorrect spelling of something or the other.

On the first day I starting working at one call centre, they had a digital display board that not just had the stats of how many calls were answered, holding and dropped, but also a welcome message for the new staff…which would have been cool if it didn’t read: “Welcome to new staff members Sahun Myburg”….I was called Sahun for the rest of that day.

When my film, TV and print career eventually took flight, I became even more pedantic about having my name spelt right. This was easier to manage as it’s an expected concern within these fields. And thank you lordy lord, my name is correctly spelt on IMDB!

In my current job, I’ve been here for 5 years, so there’s really no excuse for spelling my name wrong in emails.

It still happens though.
I hate it, and speak up about it, which probably makes people think “geez, relax guy its just a typo”…but after working with someone with 5 years, there’s really no excuse to spelling their name wrong in an email or document…right?

I’m very protective over my name…because one day I do believe it will be a brand. It may just be a pipe dream…but it’s really my most valued asset.

The Stuff In The Basement

March 8, 2011

Rocky: “I don’t know, there’s still some stuff in the basement.”
Paulie: “What basement?”
Rocky: “In here.”

Ok, I’ve never won any sort of championship.
I never got statue of myself outside the Philadelphia Spectrum
I never even owned a cool black leather jacket with a tiger on the back.

However, I have always believed I’m a true underdog story.
My whole life has been a million to one shot, much like the plethora of Rocky Balboa references I’ve already dropped in this blog, the odds of me being a success have always been questionable.

It could be said that I’ve done it all in my life. Or as I like to catchphrase “seen it all, and been through more”. After doing the recap of my live in some 50 odd blogs, I felt utterly exhausted…and miserable.

Looking back at all I’ve had to go through to get to this very moment is something I wouldn’t wish upon my biggest enemy. Maybe on the person who stole my mug this week, but certainly not my WORST enemy.

For all intents and purposes, I should be happy I’ve turned everything around in my life. Sure there are small little things missing such as love and happiness, but I’ve existed without that for most all of my life, so I’ve grown used to it.

I’m in a great job, with the potential of some sort of forward movement on the horizon after 5 years of being there (BIWISI). I’m debt free. I’m eating well. I have a few cents to spare. All good things right?

Then why am I so restless?

Because of that damned junk in the basement.

I have one last fight in me. I need to know there is still a place for me in this world. That I can go toe to toe and say I AM.

All day, every day I listen to people complain. Complain about work. Complain about the air conditioner. I listen to people talk about their children and their first teeth, first word and first poop. I battle traffic every morning. I deal with electricity outages. Water shortages.

I’m living a very ordinary life. I’m living a very frustrating life too.

It’s not what I am meant to be doing. It’s not where I am meant to be.

These are all things you have heard from me before in one way or another, but I’m reaching the point of self implosion.

Before that happens…I need to get into the ring one more time. I need to take on that impossible fight, but this time…it’s the last round. If I lose it…I need to just shut the hell up and go about living life like everyone else does untill my time on this earth is up…but, if I can just get in one good punch….I may just get the upset knockout and get everything I want in life.

I wish I had an Adrian to do it with. I really do…but this is Rocky 6. One last sequel. Besides Adrian is dead in this one *spoiler alert*…(or does that go before the actual spoiler)

It may be crazy…but what’s so crazy about standing toe to toe with someone saying “I am”?

*This has been a Rocky/boxing metaphor for my life as of today.
** This blog is dedicated to my muse. The sole reason I was able to overcome my writers block.