The Burgies: And the Winner is…(Part 1)

Hello and welcome to the first annual Burg’s World Awards, affectionately known as The Burgies.

It’s been an exciting few days for the nominees who have been on the edge of their seats awaiting the results of this highly anticipated Awards Show.


With that…let’s go to our host….Me.

*musical interlude*

*ad break*

*musical number*

*ad break*

*musical number*

*ad break*

*three hours later….

Well everyone, this is the moment you have been waiting for…Please welcome your first presenter…Charlie Sheen

Charlie Sheen – “ I’m here to present the I Envy Your Life, Even Though I Know Nothing About it except From What I See On Facebook Award. In my opinion all of these nominees are already Duh…winning.

Andrew Murray – based in New York is enough of a reason to earn this former colleague a nomination. His constant advice is welcome as I try and join him in the City that never sleeps.

Corinne Lalouette – Ah to be young again…This lady has not been afraid to live her dreams, and is not afraid to try something new. A globe trotter of the highest order.

Mohammed Seedat – Another former colleague and Liverpool, Mo’s collection of travel photo’s and sporting event photos is enough to make anyone Red with envy.

Kriya Gangiah – a star on the rise. I have been watching this lady since last year’s World Cup match between USA and Algeria when in a capacity crowd of 35,000 people she was the only one I noticed walking around the touchline. A presented, actress and mode. The world is her oyster.

Kayan Amira Leung – A long time friend who has been on the other side of the world for the longest time, but her Facebook photos and emails have made me feel like I’ve been with her every step of the way.

And the winner is….Corinne Lalouette!!!

*ad break*

Ladies and Gentlemen, please welcome your next presenter…Gerrard Butler

Gerrard Butler – “Helloooo Ladies aaand Gentle men…this next catagoooorie is filled with peeeple hooo haaave at times seeeeemingly dropped off the plaaaanet, but hooo’s conversaaation is definitely missssed. This is the “I Miss Talking To yoooo Award””

Veronique Lalouette – we used to chat so often about our lives and views on the world…then you carried on with you life while I retreated into my world. I miss not being about to talk about all the big things that are happening with you, and wish you all the best for the upcoming nuptials.

Roxanne Lauren Konkol – those late night chats and vents were something I always felt honoured to be around for, as you grew up though, you experience the real world and all it had to offer…I felt left behind because of my own self confidence issues. Your honesty was only matched by mine.

Simon Williamson – a friend made during the toughest period of my life, our Boj jokes and award winning screenplays were the stuff of legends. Then we drifted apart and realized most of our friendship was based on our proximity together. I’m so happy for your recent engagement and wish you the best. But I’m sorry I havent been around to know more about your fascinating life.

Thamashni Naidoo – a random friendship that was formed. Perhaps it moved to fast or I expected too much, but chatting to you was always a highlight of my day or night. Some bad decisions soured the friendship, its not about blame, or accountability anymore. People are people and I miss talking to you…even if it is about hot football players. *awkward silence*

Kimberly Lloyd – BBM ruined our friendship lol…the time difference of course has a hand in keeping us from being better friends. We were on a roll for a few weeks/months and it was by far the most enjoyeable time of my life in recent years. The silly things like real life got in the way.

And the winner is…..Kimberly Lloyd!!!

*ad break*
*musical number*

Please welcome…our next host…Kim Kardashian….

Kim Kardashian…”Heeeeey Guys, I’m super proud to be here tonight, because I’ve realized that family comes first, and sometimes you need to be super proud of what you can achieve when you communicate with others. My new perfume taught me all about being a businesswoman and I’m super proud of that. I guys you might say, You’re My Biggest Fan…and that’s what this award is for.”

Michelle Daniels – a Myspace friendship that had its initial ups and down and arguments, we eventually both matured in our lives and found our true roads of destiny, always supportive of my and willing to forgive my moods to show that our friendship was something more than just a “new friend request”.

Simone Ka-Ling Ho – One of my longest running supporters. Always there with a word of advice, a mention of encouragement and a sympathetic ear. Our conversations go back a long long time.

Susanne Weber – An old school friend who always made time for a good conversation back then already. Her willingness to ask questions about something obscure I talk about was always genuine and heartfelt.

Darren Symington – an unexpected friend who understood my dark twisted view on life, and has always been able to related to something I put out there, no matter how controversial or smug. Supportive of letting me be ME.

Andre Ulrich George – The first of two newer followers who has been supportive and encouraging of my more emotional work. Not sure how he found out about my existence, but I’ve learned not to ask these question…

Annie Naidoo – If ever there was an accidental friendship, this was it. A true groupie (in the best possible way) of my work, and a constant reinforcement of this being what I am supposed to be doing with my life. She’s good people…even if she’s a Man U supporter!

And The winner is…Simone Ka-Ling Ho!!!

*ad break*

Please welcome back… Charlie Sheen

Charlie Sheen – “You’re all on a drug right now…and it’s called Charlie Sheen…forget about the Friendship Comeback Award, this should be the Tiger Blood Award, because all these guys need Adonis DNA if they’ve managed to stay friends with The Burg through the rollercoaster”

Russel Pieters – My best friend in High school, or at least I always liked to believe so. I’ve always had a confidence issue that made me believe I’ve never been anyone’s best friend. We lost so many years being out of touch, and when we chat it feels like no time at all has passed. Life has changed, but you haven’t sir.

Justin Paulsen – and up and down friendship for many years now. I think it took us a long time to figure out what kind of friends we were, and we seem to be at a comfort level now. I thank you for your help during the bad stage of life, it show that you are a much better person than i.

Leonardo Borella – A true friend no matter what. My greatest regret is that I wasn’t there for so many big moments in your life. You’re a hard working, honest friend who’s heart is bigger than most people’s combined. This calls for a victory roll Len.

Natasha & Stephen Prior – Last year’s catchup in London was just the shot in the arm our friendship needed. I got lazy, you got a family. But the time I spent with your family is one of the true honours in my life. I love you all dearly, and can’t wait to get your butt back on the tennis courts. Tash – you may want to film it to show the kids.

Paula Fehrsen – An old primary school friend. Our recent conversations have been so heartfelt and fun. I spent many years looking for you, and am so glad that we chat, even if it is on such an infrequent basis.

And The Winner Is….Russel Pieters!!!

*ad break*

Please welcome your next host….Sean Connery.

Sean Connery – “Hello. I’m Shhhhhean Connery.”
*standing ovation*
“Thish ish…the Did You Ever Know That You’re My Hero Award”

Jessica & Leon Byker – Oh Canada! The Doc and Jessica Rabbit have always been two of my favourite people. They are so genuine in their friendship to others that they are the kind of people you wish for nothing but happiness. Their hard work has paid off and they are now one of the lucky ones (twos?) who have ventured into a brave new world. Something I talk about, but they actually did.

Jean Barker – A witty lady who has given up everything here to be a screenwriter in LA? Yes, I know what you’re think…my perfect woman. She is undoubtedly an inspiring person, even if that make her uncomfortable. I am living vicariously through her. For Now at least…

Leigh Lobotomy – a true wild child. So honest in who she is, she is the genuine article. Accepting of her mistakes, and brave in her desires….Authentic and original. There are few people like you left in this world dear.

Brett Schewitz – A passionate person who ventured out into a brave new world. A true South African at heart, he’s following he dream of a bigger career and a better life. Nobody deserves it more than him.

Michelle Daniels – What can I say that I haven’t already? A lucky lady who turned her dream into a reality.

And the winner is…Jean Barker!!!

*ad break*

Please welcome the next presenter – the 1980’s version of Eddie Murphy

Eddie Murphy – “A-he-he-he…Howdy folks. You know, you don’t often hear a black man saying howdy. In fact the only time you hear a brother saying Howdy, is in the sentence “How’d he know we was jacking that car?” A-he-he-he. You white folks all gotta light up, because this next category is for you only – this is the You’re Almost As Big A Geek As Me Award”

Till Tillman – If Germany had it’s own Burg…it would be The Till. Action Showdown Friday is the highlight of my week.

Robin Pierce – If I turn into sir Pierce when I’m a (slightly) older man. Life would of turned out pretty damn good. Sir Pierce is proof that it is possible to be a loving family man and still keep your geek credentials in tact. A legend.

Gordon Brown – a long time friend, fellow pop culture fan and wrestling booker. We have been through the ups and downs of loss and changes in our love for Wrestling. We have discussed awesome movies and shared thoughts on books. Up the Morton!

Travis Marc – One heck of a talent, a nice guy and sort of a nerd. I’m discovering more and more that we have in common as the years go by.

Justin Paulsen – Me? Him? Me? Him? Only he would load Windows 98 just to play classic games. Legend.

And The Winner is…Robin Pierce!!!

Ladies and Gentleman, we will take a short break and return later with the rest of your winners….

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2 Responses to “The Burgies: And the Winner is…(Part 1)”

  1. Michelle Says:

    i really loved what you wrote! thank you. you know how its cheesy to say just being nominated is an honor. well i have to say it is!!! from what you wrote about the winners i can see why they won. 🙂 by the way great award show! wahooo see everyone next year!

  2. jeanbarker Says:

    Oh my god. I only just really saw this. Thanks! I am honored and touched, Sean.

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