The List Guys Don’t Want Ladies To Know Exists!

What I’m about to reveal may result in getting me banned from any “guy meetings” that may take place in the world for the rest of my existence.

However, it is something that women have always suspected existed, and now like a magician who has been kicked out of the alliance…I shall reveal all.

The other night I went out. A rare occurrence for me these days, however it was to something I was looking forward to, so there was no chance I was going to cancel, or come up with some lame excuse like I usually do.

Instead, I said yes, I’d be there, with bells on, or in this case…with a plus one.

The idea of a plus one, is an age old tradition that brings a man like me to his knees. Whether it be concerts, movies, weddings, work functions or simply a friend’s dinner, a plus one is the ultimate firestarter for an overthinker.

Anyways, back to Friday’s outing. It was to a movie preview. Simple in concept, and easily where I’m at my most charming and impressive. The evening called for a partner who would a) appreciate the movie b) appreciate that we are there to see a movie and c) be able to have an opinion afterwards that I’d actually want to hear.

Let’s fast forward to my plus one for the night. It ended up being an old military buddy (not really, but work was hell back in those days), he’s a good friend who has similar interests as me, so we enjoyed ourselves and constructively discussed the movie afterwards. Perfect.

Now comes the big reveal. He was not my first choice. (and he knows this because he knows the rules and plays by them too.)

You see, in order for him to have come to movie with me, I first had to make my way through the list, and IF nobody on that list was able to make it, by default, he was in.

The list is one which guys don’t want you to know exists.

For the safety of any guys out there, I will from hereon out refer to “we” as “I”.

I have a list. And every time I go out, or have a function coming up that gives me the chance to ask someone out, I consult this list.

The list is normally, but not limited to, comprised of five women I am very interested in.

There is always a definite #1 on the list, the hottest, and most appealing of all the women, who I will ALWAYS ask first. In the slim hope that she is free that night. 90% of the time she isn’t, because come on…she’s WAY outta my league, but there’s always that 10% chance she says yes, and boy, when she does, it doesn’t matter if we’re going to a wedding or a funeral, the fact that she is with me makes everything else seem inconsequential.

#2 on the list is general a woman that I really like, and at times thought she might even like me too, but since she always has a new boyfriend of the month, you never quite know if there will every be anything…but there’s no way you’re taking her off the list.

#3 is often the newest person on your list. She is someone you may have been out with once or twice. There is however, a distinct possibility that you may have in fact never even met her in person! I have two of those at the moment. One is in Cape Town, and the other one here in Johannesburg. I will always be waiting for just the right thing to ask them too.

#4 is normally the person I’ve known the longest. She tends to have already put you in the friends zone. You refuse to believe that the door is totally closed on a relationship, and live in the hope that she will one day decide to say what the hell and give it chance. Every now and again I make this friendship awkward by flirting a little too much.

# 5 is the most reliable of the lot, she is normally “ok” looking, and you get along great, and for so many reasons you could easily be with her on a more …full time basis…but, truth of the matter is, she’s not numbers 1-4.

The hard and fast rule of asking someone on the list out is that you NEVER extend the invite to more than one person at a time.

You always ask #1 first, and you don’t, under any circumstances ask another person until she has absolutely said no. Sometimes however, this may result in her only finally saying no about an hour before the event starts, which normally results in you going straight to #5 on the list and missing out on the other girls.

If #5 is not suddenly willing to drop what she’s doing and get ready…well, then you’ve always got your guy friends to fall back on.

So when I post a message on my facebook status, about how I have a ticket to this or that, yes, I am often directing it to those five in the hope that one of them makes my job easier, because I’m actually too scared of getting rejected by EVERYONE on the list.

The actual girls on the list can change, but the reasons they are on the list often don’t.

Mmm…I wonder if I should name and shame the 5 on my list …I’ll tell you this much…there are ALL Burgie award winners and nominees…

For the record, if I don’t post a blog again, its because there has been a bounty put on my head by the male species…

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