Warning: This blog may contain elements of inappropriate behaviour and content of a sexual nature. Reader’s discretion is advised.
You know the drill by now, I’m a single guy, who complains how everyone always sees him as a friend and nobody ever gives him a chance.
This all remains true. However, this does not mean I don’t have a history of, how shall we say…indiscretions?
The truth is, most all of my encounters with the opposite sex have been a case of close but no cigar. Some experiences have gone further than others, some have been a figment of my overworking imagination (in other words I hope for something that wasn’t there), but in the end, they have resulted in a similar long term outcome, the person on the other side has seemingly moved on to “the one”, or “the ones” in some cases. More commonly known as the Good Luck Chuck Effect.
I do want to remind you of a few things before you pass judgement.
I have openly stated on many occasions that I don’t believe in marriage, but respect those who do. I believe adults make adult decisions, and each person should be willing to accept responsibility for their actions.
With that, I’d like to share a few stories with you. I’ve obviously changed the names of those who I’ve crossed paths with over the years to prevent from hurting anyone.
There is a chance this may turn out to be a multiple part blog, but I will try update as quickly are possible…
1) Story 8-1-25-12-5-25
It was the new millennium and I had just started a new job, young single and up for anything. Or so I kept telling myself. I had had plenty work crushes before, but none that ever when further than an instant chat flirting session. This new job was miserable for few reasons, but I did have an unexpected encounter with a colleague.
She was an outspoken girl but a real sweetheart, and I could never really tell how serious her flirting with me was, because she was the kind of girl who was always hugging other guys in the office. Those are always confusing to me, especially since I’m not a hugger.
Anyways, over the months our flirting progressed to the point where were almost daring the other just to see how serious the other was. She went on about how she liked me more than a friend, but because of the work thing she didn’t want to take it further. I was cool with that, but then a suggestion was made that maybe we just needed to try spending time together away from the office.
We both lived far apart and our only common place seemed to be work, so that suggestion seems to fall away just as quickly. I innocently mentioned I lived 15 minutes away from the office, and we started joking about popping out for a lunchtime “quickie” just to satisfy our needs.
The joking soon turned into a negotiation… would people be suspicious if we went on lunch the same time? What could REALLY be done in a lunch break? Would it just be awkward afterwards?
These questions could only be answered one way.
We negotiated a day and time, nervously built up to that moment. With the day arrived we both came to work looking smart (why I don’t know, surely THAT would arise more suspicion?)
Eventually lunch time arrived! We set off in my car and made our way to my house, neither of us having a clue of what we actually expected or were prepared to do!
As we sat next to each other on the couch, like two teenagers we began awkwardly kissing and proceeded to fondle each other. Hey this was nice, but is this all we came here to do?
Then in a “what the heck” moment, she undid my pants and stuck her hand in my underwear. I kept thinking to myself “This sh!t just got real!”
I followed suit and slid off her top , and then her pants …then replicating what I’d seen in the movies, I proceeded to satisfy her orally. Clearly the movies I had learned this from were pornos. I seemingly did a pretty good job based on the moans and the look on her face…
She attempted to satisfy me in the same way, but didn’t quite get the job done (as good as it felt, I admittedly had one eye on the clock…I just didn’t realize which one eye).
Somewhat embarrassingly with both noted we better get back to the office, so we quickly got dressed, and hopped back into the car and drive back.
When we got back to the office, a somewhat suspicious boss asked us how was lunch…I instinctively said I had the chicken.
A few awkward days passed and we didn’t talk much about it, then at the end of that week she gave me a letter and said please read it at home.
The letter was in an envelope and written on the envelope were the words “The Friend”, and yup that’s exactly what the letter was about. She preferred to remain friends. I remember reading that letter in traffic and almost rear-ending the person in front of me because I wasn’t paying attention. Little did I know that was the only rear-ending that was to come of this experience.
Whatever happened to her? Well, shortly after that she got retrenched, and ending in a relationship with the cousin of a friend of mine, they got married and had a kid.
I’ve never seen her since…
2) Story 19-20-1-3-5-25
There have been many time in my life where I’ve met someone who I can connect with on another level in terms of personality, humour, views on life etc. So it always saddens me when I do and then they suddenly disappear on me, only to resurface years later with a whole new life. This was such a story…
During my time in the magazine industry, I met some great people, and one of my favourite people I only got to know once I had left.
We had worked together briefly, and always gotten along, she had a breezy vibe about here, the sort of vibe that made you instantly at easy and comfortable.
We had both moved on from our jobs though, and just less than a year after I had left, we starting chatting again on Facebook, and decided hey, let’s meet up again.
I was a bit nervous about doing it because I was going through my hell year, and couldn’t really afford to wine and dine her or do anything too fancy.
Thankfully she was a pizza kinda of girl, which fit my non-existent budget to a tee.
I spent the whole day nervous about was this a date or not (as is common practice with me), and didn’t want to assume too much, but I really hoped it was one.
The hours of course took days to pass, but eventually our time arrived.
We met at a pizzeria just a few blogs up from my work, and as luck would have it, this was no ordinary pizzeria, it had tables and candlelight which screamed date to me.
She arrived and immediately greeted me with a comforting hug that was simply part of her breeziness.
The night passed all too quickly, but the conversation that night was revealing, intimate, honest and hopeful. I will never forget her last words of the conversation – “I can’t believe there has been this amazing, wonderful, honest person in front of me all this time”….
Oh yeah…being myself had finally paid off.
As night’s do, they come to an end, she kissed me goodbye and said we must definitely do this again soon.
Hell yeah! You don’t have to ask me twice.
If that was a date, it was pretty much a 10.
Then…. my attempts to setup a follow up were in vain, the excuses started slowly, till the point where any attempt I made to contact her were met with silence.
It seemed like she had disappeared completely…eventually I got the dreaded Facebook deletion.
How did I mess this one up?? I’m still not sure to this day.
A few years later she added me on Facebook again, this time, with a new surname and baby boy. She seems happy, so how can I be unhappy with that?
We chat occasionally…but not one mention has ever come of that night she had that amazing guy sitting right in front of her.
3) Story – 2-5-14-9-20-1
Sometimes I look back at this story as the most confusing, mainly because of what happened afterwards.
I met this lady by pure chance, as it happened when I went to go drop off some dvds for someone who had bought them from me. As he brought me up to the office for chat, there was this girl sitting next to him who caught me attention immediately. It didn’t take long before the three of us were having a conversation and I felt myself attractive to everything about her. Me being smart gave her my business card and said hey, if there’s ever a cd you’re looking for i can try get it for you. (Working for a record label was still the best pick up line i’ve managed to have in my life).
The next day or so she mailed me, and asked if I was serious, which of course I was. This opened the door at least and we began emailing each other regularly to the point where my “hey let’s have coffee” line eventually came out. She accepted.
We met up a few nights later, and had a pleasant evening together, sharing some of our personal lives, and got to know each other as best we could. There always a weird underlying tension though which felt that we were always just the wrong line away from an argument.
Over the weeks that followed we eventually did have an argument because of our strong yet very different opinions on things (and yet i forget what the actual topic was).
Months later, we came into contact again, and just decided we had wasted so much not talking.
She invited me over to her place for lunch and a swim. I went, we had a great time, in the swimming pool of the complex we engaged in the usual “splashing fun” two people have in water, had a conversation with a drunk biker about the rules of the road, and genuinly had a good time. I don’t know if it was because she was soaking when (I had a thing for women glistening with water), or if it was just coincidence, but it was that moment where i knew I had genuine feelings for this girl. I didn’t know if she felt the same, because I saw no signs of it.
We went back to her place and changed, I had a shower (and secretely hoped she would walk in on me and shower too…damn those pornos).
Then the afternoon seems to come to an abrupt end.
Again a long while passed before we could actually see each other, she again invited me to her place, this time we had dinner, she treated me to nandos, and we sat together upstairs and watched a bollywood movie. It was simply a moment of pure bliss. We shared stories, joked and teased each other. As usual I didn’t know if I should make a move, but I didn’t want to ruin the evening, so didn’t even second guess not making move.
The evening ended, and that was the last time I saw her. There were many excuses why we didn’t meet up again, which left me ultimately hurt and confused.
Over time, I made my feelings to her clear, but this didn’t seem to make any difference. She seemed to be going through some personal issues, and eventually moved from Joburg back down to Durban.
When chatted again over the computer, where she revealed she had had feelings for me (which have obviously since been forgotten), but she had no intention of pursuing them, she said the day were went swimming she had invited me over to see if there was a spark between us.
I wasn’t angry with all these late revelations, I was just hurt that she said this when there was no way we would see each other again.
I tried in vain to try and make something of it, to try and convince her to give us a chance, but nothing. It just ended. I regret that we never kissed. Maybe that would of changed things. Maybe not.
We are facebook friends now, but thats the extent of whats left of the romance that never was.
4) Story – 18-15-2-9-14
Ask any of my friends, I’m not really the party type, I very rarely go to gatherings or celebrations. It’s jus something I don’t feel comfortable doing anymore.
Back in the day however, I made the odd appearance at a braai (bbq) or birthday gathering, and this was one such occasion.
I went to a friends birthday braai, not really expecting to have a good time, even though he was the closest thing I have to a best friend, and I knew a lot of his friends, there was a always a chance I would make an excuse and leave early.
However to my surprise I ended up having a good type pretty quickly, and that was probably mostly due to the fact that I hit it off with his girlfriend’s neighbour. She was cute, fun and extremely young, yes three things I look for in a girl.
We chatted the whole time, and boy was I smooth, I even walked her home (yes next door), and managed to get her number.
That night we sms’d each other and quickly began flirting with her. I put on a pair and asked her out. To the movies, it was anything too hectic, but a nice way of spending time together.
The week after the braai, I drove out to fetch her, and of course as I arrived, my friend was leaving his girl friend’s house, he just laughed that laugh of his that pretty much says “busted!”
She invited me in to meet her parents, and her sister, and boy was it awkward, the parents barely responded to anything I said, and just spend their time staring at the movie that was playing on the TCM channel. I tried to make conversation about my knowledge of movies, but still no response.
Thankfully we didn’t stay too long. We headed out to the mall, and I gave her the choice of what movie she wanted to see, she wanted to watch Feddy vs Jason…(a girl picking a horror movie is normally a good sign, but all i could think of was – dammnit…I’ve already seen that).
The movie passed far too quickly, but we inevitably began holding hands during the movie, and didn’t let go for the rest of the night. This of course made going to the bathroom a bit awkward.
I didn’t plan on making a movie further than perhaps a goodnight kiss, but when we were driving home, I mentioned that I was due to film an episode of The Weakest Link the next day.
Just before we got to her house, she said to me, “Can I wish you luck for tomorrow?” of course I wasn’t going to turn that down.
We parked on the side of the ride a few blocks from her house and began to make out. It was very natural and very appealing, then she undid her bra, allowing me to put my magic hands to work. Her hands made their way to my gear stick, then she realized she had the wrong gear stick and proceeded to rub my other gear stick.
It was what we call a good session. We didn’t go too far but far enough to know there was an attraction.
I dropped her off and said good night, and we sms’d each other for the rest of the night.
The next day I filmed my episode of The Weakest Link, and the host asked me a question of “Shaun, I believe you’re single…why is that?”, I had the perfect response of “Well after last night maybe not, I had a date, a good date”…we all laughed, and I thought man, when that airs on TV its going to be a zinger.
The next day I sms’d the girl, and she didn’t reply, i tried again several times, and she eventually started replying with short sentences, finally saying we can’t see each other anymore.
Ergh…here we go again. She sorta eluded to the fact that her parents didn’t like me, which might have been true, I’ll never actually know. She was young, and maybe that played a factor.
For me though, it was just another unsolved mystery. I think she is now living in the UK, but I often wonder about her. Of course, when that episode of The Weakest Link aired…well that just hurt even more
5) Story – 16-5-1-18-12
I haven’t kissed a lot of women in my life. This is true, but when I think of the best kiss I’ve ever had, this girl is by far the winner. Perhaps it’s because it’s something that should never have happened, perhaps it’s because it was a kiss that I wanted more than anything else, maybe my weakness for Indian women? or perhaps it was simply because it was just that damn good.
Many years before the kiss I had met this woman when her husband introduced us, we got along instantly, and I was immediately attracted to her. I’d never thought of pursuing anything with her of course, but she was always right up there what I daydreamed.
The years passed and we didnt’really see or talk to each other since for a long time, then through a common friend we got into touch again.
All the feelings I had for her instantly returned, we talked and flirted and I was happy I was able to make her feel wanted again. She has having some problems at home, and her husband himself had “made some poor choices”, she was angry at him, and was running low on self esteem. I by no mean’s took advantage of this, but I did make it clear how she deserved better, and deserved to be desired.
She was after all a… beautiful woman.
I was going through a rough time myself and was in a really bad place because of a variety of things. I had planned a road trip to disappear for a while, and it was going to start on my birthday.
She showed a lot of concern for me, and during our joking flirting she asked what I wanted for my birthday, I replied I just wanted a kiss from her. I didn’t know how my roadtrip would turn out, and I didn’t even know if I would come back from it, and the truth is, if I never kissed her, it would be my greatest regret.
To my surprise, she said she would like to give me that for my birthday, but for obvious reasons we needed a place to meet. Publically was too dangerous, her home was obviously out the question. She suggestion I come to her work for a “meeting”before I left for my road trip.
So on my birthday, I took my lunch break and drove to her work, this was the first time I’d seen her in a long time, and she was just as beautiful.
We went up to her office and she took me to a meeting room, where she locked the door, and said “well, happy birthday I guess”…
What proceeded was the single best kiss of my life, it was passionate, intense, a release of all our frustrations, but her lips so soft that its felt unreal…her minty breath was obviously the result of a lot of chewed gum, which made me smile to myself, I had done the same thing.
It ended all too shortly and all she could say was “Well, that’s officialy the first time I’ve cheated on my husband”… I guess I should of felt bad or guilty…but I didn’t. This was about me and her, nobody else.
We spoke awkwardly for a few minutes and then I left.
A day later I left on my roadtrip, thinking, well maybe I had something to come back for. I stayed in touch with her as much as I could during my abscence of 11 days, and she kept telling me how I must come back safely, and that she too had enjoyed the moment.
When I eventually came back, she immediately stopped talking to me, and ignored my emails. I guess she had felt too guilty about what happened. When we eventually made contact again, she was mean and cold towards me.
It hurt, bad. But what was I gonna do? Interfere with a marriage? a family? No. of course not, I respected that she wanted out, I just wish she had been adult enough to talk it out with me as we had before I left. I would not of made her feel guilty.
It was a beautiful passionate kiss shared between two people. There should be more of those moments in life, regardless of the circumstances.
We haven’t spoken for years, she has a new job and is closer to her family than ever before from what I can tell. Would I do that again? In a heartbeat.
6) Story – 2-18-9-7-9-20-20-5
It seems a lot of my older stories somehow go back to the days of ICQ, as this next person I had also initially met a decade or so ago. In those days it was easy to just search for a female, 18-25, and strike up a conversation without any hidden agenda.
I was lucky enough to meet some pretty awesome people, some I still keep in touch with, and some such as this Queen B, have seemingly erased me from their existance.
She was based in Durban initially, and we had chatted for ages before we met up, she was the kind of girl who was as honest with her opinion on things as I was, I think that’s probably what stoked our friendship.
Things got even better when she got a job up in Johannesburg and decided to move up here, I couldn’t wait to see her in person for the first time.
I had also accidentally become friends with her sister, and seemingly chatted to her more often.
Finally the our schedules aligned and we decided to go to a movie together, you know to ease into things, that was perfect for me as I’m at my best when I have subject matter. The movie was Vin Diesel’s macho epic xXx.
As over the top as it was, we both had a nice time and decided to try and find a place to find coffee. Now, as this was in Midrand, there were no places open for coffee after 8pm, other than a Petrol Station…which I was willing to settle for.
She insisted we get some decent coffee and suggested I rather come back to her place. Which was a brave move on her part considering this was the first time we had actually met in person, but again, this was a different time.
We enjoyed said cup of coffee, and retreated to the couch where we put on the TV, and comfortable settled in snuggly next to each other.
The night was filled with playful teasing childlike sillyness as we “wrestled”over her hairclip…which was all a prelude to her comfortably laying against me on the coach, I began to massage her back and everything felt so natural…
We watched two movies on TV that night, in fact it was a Jim Belushi double feature…Made Men and Retroactive…two movies that make me think of her today still…
Again I didn’t have the balls to try and kiss her or anything, and about 3am she probably realized I wasn’t going to do it either, and suggested we call it a night, which I begrudgingly did.
I was worried that I’d blown it, but luckily a few weeks later, on 31 December 2001 she invited me around to enjoy a New Year’s Eve braai with her and her sister who was up from Durban.
We enjoyed some swimming (what is it with me and swimming with girls??), and the afternoon soon became evening, they invited me to come out with them to celebrate NYE, which I had little hesitation in accepting as I got to spend time with her, and hey, there was a chance of a New Year’s midnight Kiss!
I went with the two of them and her sister’s friend to a series of clubs as we up with even more of their friends, who were nice enough, as midnight struck at a club in Rivonia, we all hugged and kissed each other…standard fare I guess.
Then we proceeded to one of the friends house, where they all smoked some hubbly and I stood awkwardly in the kitchen with a bunch people I didn’t know as I watched her chatting with her friends, and her sister making out with a guy on the balcony.
For hours I stood there alone, thinking this wasn’t exactly what I had in mind.
The next days that passed, she stopped responding to my messages. Till eventually she disappeared completely.
For years I tried contacting her to find out what happened and why she didn’t respond to me…i asked her sister, and her sister was just as surprised as I was that she was ignoring me. From what I remember, she is now working in another country, and seems pretty happy.
I found her on Facebook, messaged her, she ignore me then blocked me.
Then about 8 years later, I was making my way through Cape Town airport and as I was rushing to catch my flight, I saw her and her family sitting by the check-in counter….and as if in slow motion, I watched her laughing and joking with them, and thought I couldn’t possible approach her.
I think about her every single day, wonder what went wrong 10 years ago today that made her not want to be my friend even.
ok guys, well, that’s the end of part 1. I have more stories, so let me know if you’d like to see a part 2 of this blog…