Archive for May, 2012

Back to the drawing board….

May 31, 2012

There is nothing left to say….

I need to Rethink. Reboot. Reset.

Restart.

……so I shall.

Life goes on.

Advertisements

100,000 Views on Love: My Own Greek Tragedy

May 22, 2012

It’s been a strange 7+ days for me…in fact my emotions have been off the chart for a variety of reasons, so I find myself wondering how much has actually been real and what’s been a result of my silly little self imposed head games.

Those around me, and I guess to a point, complete strangers, have been subject to the “new me”, with dare I say it, spectacular results.

I have provided moments of pure happiness for a variety of people for a variety of reasons, by simply being unselfish.

I’ve also found myself drawing out a lot of kindred spirits out the wood works and as a result, meeting new people who I actually like!

Therein I guess lay the problem…

You see, as much this new found confidence and way of viewing the world has shaped me into the best version of myself I have been in many a year, if not ever, I find myself tripping up over the same stumbling blocks that I’ve always had a problem with. New me…same result. There is a saying about what defines crazy that seems rather apt right about now.

Let me explain a bit…

If you’re a long time reader, you’ve loyally followed my luckless adventures in love and matters of the heart, and probably accidentally or on purpose used one of my many hated cliches on love, destiny etc.

I also mentioned in a previous blog about an unrequited love I had come across…

Then we also have a few unexpected surprises that crossed my path in the last few weeks.

Add all these elements together and you have the making a typical Burg heartbreak blog…with my emotions being pulled all over the place.

Let’s examine the players in this Greek tragedy of mine…and ask some rhetorical questions about what the next steps are.

In no particular order…

Player one is someone I met last week during my whirlwind trip to Durban. While I was waiting outside a conference hall for my seminar to start, this beautiful girl and I made eye contact and exchanged a smile. The old would of just watched her from afar, never having the courage to walk up to her and engage in conversation. The new me however walked up to her and started a conversation. I immediately felt there was something special about her. After the conference I asked her to coffee later in the day where we met up again and used the little time we had to get to know each other. The day ended with a hug. It was just one of those moments at will stay with me forever, I may never see her again, but boy do I hope we do..there is something there…something special. Every time I close my eyes I see her smile…and these eyes that just sparkle…STATUS: Taken

Player two is an interesting choice. She actually someone I noticed on my very first day at my new job, because she was the only person who smiled at me when I was introduced to everyone. It took us a good while to eventually start talking, however I soon realized my instincts about her were right. We had a lot of similar issues and she found it easy to talk to me about problems. I have that effect on people. They find they can open up and share things with me they can’t tell anyone else. I don’t mind being there for her in the slightest. Lately however we have begun flirting each other. All very innocent, and as she’s currently involved, I doubt it will go much further than that. I admit, I think we both like the attention and just enjoy it for what it is. Sometimes it hurts that it is so fleeting, and its not the type of relationship I have with someone else…but for now we just enjoy each others time. STATUS: Taken

Player three just has such a special place in my heart. It’s one of those situations where in a different time and place I could totally see myself with her. I think we both have so much love in our hearts that if our paths had crossed before she was so deep into a relationship, I would of liked to think we could have been something special too. I look at her with such admiration at the lengths she is going to for her love, and think how lucky that guy is. To find a love like that is rare, I know because I am like that with how far I would go. I’ve been so fortunate to spend some time with her away from our daily routine, and I am just so damn lucky to have the bond with her that I do. Its one of those “if only” friendships. STATUS: Taken

Player four is a girl who caught me by surprise, that being said, I knew we had bonded from our very first conversation…as I said, I’ve been drawing out kindred spirits, and this particular lady is definitely such. We are in the early stages of understanding how the other works…but she is definitely intriguing me. There are what other may call obstacles, but to me they are nothing that frighten me away. I am after all, “the moments guy”, and quite honestly whatever happens, happens. We won’t see each other very often, but I think when we do, there will always be something special between us. STATUS: Unknown

Yup. Player five.
I’ve saved the most important one for last. However, it’s the most heartbreaking of them all.

Firstly, I’m man enough to admit it. I have fallen in love, and unfortunately as always, with someone who doesn’t feel anything for me. At first I thought it was just another schoolboy crush, and maybe I just hoped it was. I listen to everyone’s advice about how I should approach the situation. For every person telling me to just tell her how I felt, I had someone telling me to be a complete @sshole around her, because women never go for the nice guy. For every person telling me to make sure I’m clear I don’t want to be her friend, I want to be more, I had someone telling me to be her friend first.

At the end of the day I am me. You either love me for that, or you don’t, she unfortunately doesn’t.

I wondered to myself, I’ve changed so much, and yet this version of who I am is still not enough. Then the self confidence issues start to fill your head…I’m too short, I’m too fat, I’m not sociable enough. I don’t drink. Whatever. It’s a total mind game with myself.

Then I think well if she just spent time with me away from the office she would see the real me.

She is dealing with her own issues too, and I feel so selfish about feeling the way I do. I’m there for her 100%, always will be, but my greatest fear is that while I’m there, some tall, successful, square jawed bad boy will just sweep in and take her. Because that’s what always happens. Heck when I hear conversations about her and other guys my heart breaks into a million pieces, and I just stand there nodding and pretending to smile about how awesome said guy would be for her.

After thinking long and hard about, the only “solution” here is for me to walk away. My heart yearns too much for her, and while I would be prepared to wait as long as it takes for her….I know I would spend he next 5 years trying to convince her of why I am the guy for her, and miss out on the world around me. I’ve been down that road before.

Just touching her hand energized me, and a hug here and there leaves me with a smile on my face for days. People have started to notice how I am around her, and sometimes I feel embarrassed for her…because I always try and treat her like the treasure that she is.

So that’s what I need to do….walk away, give her space to sort her life out…and settle for a friendship.

…….
……………………
……………………………………..
…………………………………………………..

No.
You know what…not this time.
I’m going to give everything I’ve got….
I’m going to fight for this girl….I deserve someone like her, and dammit she deserves someone like me.

The timing may not be right, and we both have our own lives to sort out, she may meet 100 guys between now and then, but there will be a then and I will not give up on her.

I’m going to enjoy my life for now, for those who come in and out of my life, and above all, I am going to live for those damn moments. We meet people at the exact time we are supposed to, and I’d like to believe this has started a string of events that will one day lead us to each other.

Kind regards
Love’s #1 Bitch

P.S….who is player 6?….dun dun dun

“Every Office Has One” – 14 Clichéd Colleagues

May 10, 2012

If you’ve ever worked in an office, you’ve probably used a variation of the line, “It would be so perfect if it weren’t for just one person there…”

I’ve worked in at least 10 different office environments, in different industries, in my time and each and every place has had at least that one person who ruins your entire working experiences at that job because of their annoying habits.

I’d like to now pay tribute to those clichéd colleagues who we affectionately think back on as and say “Every office at least one…”

Of course, those of us who just have plain ol’bad luck can sometimes be subjected to individuals who have a rare combination of the below traits, but I guarantee you will come across someone you recognize here, no matter where you work.

With that, I’d like to present to you my Top 14 Countdown of clichéd colleagues.

14. The Name Dropper

I’m not even talking about a celebrity name dropper here…that would still be understandable to a point in an office environment. This type of name dropper is a far deadlier species…they are the kinds of person you will tell you all about Roger’s argument he had with the checkout employee at the local supermarket this weekend. Or about Betty’s decision to put her mom in a home during the Easter holidays. Who are Roger and Betty you may ask? Exactly. Name Droppers are presumptuous enough to tell us stories involving their friends who you don’t know from a bar of soap as if they were the cast of a well known tv sitcom, who we all should know.

13. The “Grey’s Anatomy” Chick

“OMG! Did you catch Grey’s last night! McDreamy was such a b@stard!”… A variation of this evening salvo is becoming a common problem in the work place these days. Before Peg from accounting has even put her handbag down in the morning, she is still fuming from last night’s drama, which no real drama can ever compare to. The Grey’s Anatomy Chick, may also be known as The Survivor Chick, and now also as The MasterChef Chick.

12. The Not As Funny As He Thinks He Is Guy

For every likeable prankster in the office, there is always his evil office twin, the douche bag comedian. His jokes are normally predetermined well in advance in case the moment ever arrives where he can use his “witty one liner” or bad pun. However, there is NEVER a right moment. In desperation, this comedian can often resort to a funny voices, and fart jokes to get a laugh out of people. His bag of material is paper thin, so expect him to recycle many of his jokes. WARNING: DO NOT ENCOURAGE HIM with sympathy laughter.

11. The Pervert

There is sexual innuendo in everything for this guy. You could be making copies of the monthly financial report, and The Pervert would be like “So…you like …multiplying…don’t you?” The Pervert is also unable to stay focused on work for long periods of time, so if you need something done, get it done quick, before you suddenly have to “check the ass out on that one…If I just had 5 minutes alone with her!” And yes, The Pervert is often immune to any sort of office discipline (you like to be disciplined…don’t you), however, this should not stop you from lodging a complaint…the only draw back is that he will think you are playing hard to get. The Female version does exist, however they are rare, and often disguised as plus sized women.

10. The Mail Forwarder

Motivationals, K-Mart shoppers, Daily Horoscopes and the old favourite – “send this back to me…and 5 friends, and see your luck change” forwards are a clear indication you are on a mailing list you will never get off for the rest of your time at that particular job. The Mail Forwarder is smart, and strikes early, normally within you first week in your job. It will be too awkward to ask them not to include you and 2 years later, you will have no hope left. A typical South African forwarded will also include secret crime syndicate warnings that the police aren’t even aware of, Road Block warnings, and potential mass strike emails that are “inside information”.

9. Miss TMI

“You know, since I had my hysterectomy, my bladder seems to get infected at the drop of a hat.”. That’s right, Miss TMI (Too Much Information) has no boundaries. Her medical conditions are everyone’s business, and her desk drawers normally contain more prescription drugs than your local pharmacy. Her sex life will also be open for discussion whether you like it or not. As it will be discussed in great detail, never, ever, under any circumstances ask Miss TMI how she is doing…because she will tell you.

8. The Car Guy

Yes, The Fast & The Furious was an pretty awesome movie, but The Car Guy will also try and convince you that 2 Fast 2 Furious was just as epic. He spends his life upgrading and modifying his car, and never actually finishes it, but thankfully he keeps you updated throughout the entire process. The Car Guy, often has a flawless knowledge of sound systems, and knows a guy who knows a guy who can get you a good deal. The CG can often be found at illegal races, but would never actually compete in them, despite what he may tell you about blowing a gasket during his practice run the weekend before. The Car Guy, is also fond of using the F-Bomb in every sentence, especially when talking about police and authority figures.

7. The Story Repeater (also known as The Joke Stealer)

Ever had a colleague tell you an interesting story? And then a few days later tell you a story that sounds familiar? And then 2 weeks later tell you the same effing story for the 8th time! These people are sick and need our help. If they begin to tell you a repeat story, stop them immediately, you sanity may depend on it! These are the same people that repeat a joke or wise crack seconds after you say it as if it were their own!!

6. The Religious Nut

Jesus saves!…but Messi scores on the rebound. Seemingly, those darn Christians never find that funny. Every work place has at least one openly religious person you tells you that everything is the Lord’s will. If there is a tragedy, it’s God’s Will. If you are going through troubles, they will pray for you. If the vending machine takes your money…someone needed it more that you did. It is of course naturally assumed that you too are religious and believe in the same thing they do, so expect daily prayers and blessings, straight to you inbox.

5. The Know It All

The colleague who always feels the need to be involved in all conversations no matter the topic, and don’t let the fact that they know nothing about said topic stop them. They will give you incorrect movie titles, unfounded opinions on sports teams and their performances, or they will simply steal an opinion from someone they heard on the radio, or read on the internet, if it happens to be a topical issue that everyone is talking about, in an attempt to be relevant. The Know-It-All will also blatantly argue with incorrect facts even if you are an expert in a certain field.

4. The Personal Caller

There are two kinds of Personal Callers. The loud and proud version who openly spends her days on personal calls, letting the entire office know about her breakup, faulty purchases and doctors appointments. This kind of PC is not self aware and maybe need to be bought into the loop that she spends 4 hours a day on the phone. The second kind of PC is, the whisperer. They will only ever be seen listening to phone calls, with the receiver affixed to their ear. These are hard to report unless you are monitoring them with advanced military equipment…or have access to their phone bills. In rare cases you can come across a hybrid of these two types…a Super Caller if you will.

3. The “Have You Seen” Picture Lady

Not to be confused with The Name Dropper, this is the lady in the office that will show you every baby picture, wedding album and “wahoo”party picture relating to her, her family, her friends and anyone else who might of captured her awesomeness in a photo. She often doesn’t care about your opinion , just as long as you agree with her that it’s the most beautiful wedding ever, the cutest baby ever and the most awesome part ever….till the next one at least.

2. The “How Did They Get That Job?” Colleague

Their only job skill is endurance. How else would you explain how that moron got the position of Team Leader, Supervisor or Manager? They have zero problem solving skills, no backbone, and speak only in clichés. However, these are the same people that often own the nicest cars, and scarily, often have wives and kids.

1. The Cat Lady

Oh you know the type! Cat lady is the most famous of all the stereotypes, and she deserves no mercy. She can sometimes be a combination of the mail forwarder, sending you daily pics of cats in HIGHlarious scenarious….such as falling asleep on the keyboard kitty, surprised face kitty, and grumpy “this explains how I feel about work” kitty. If you happen to miss these emails, don’t worry, Cat Lady has all of them printed out and stuck around her cubicle for quick reference. She often also has a kitty as her Facebook profile pic.

So that’s my list…recognize yourself? If so, then take the shame!
I know for a fact there are tons of other clichés out there, so feel free to comment below and add your choices…

Sometimes, All You Need Is A Little Heartache To Feel Good About Life

May 7, 2012

An old friend once said to me, that I write about such heavy sh!t; but where would I find my inspiration once I have no more demons left?

I’m paraphrasing of course, but he was correct.

These last few months have produced so little writing, and for the longest time I was frustrated because I didn’t know why I couldn’t get inspired.

Then, suddenly I had the strangest of weeks. From losing friends, to making new ones, from seeing old friends in a new light, to seeing new friends in a familiar light…it’s been a week of epic proportions.

My emotions were off the chart for a number of reasons; and then, it all seemed to click. My emotions ARE what inspire me. I’ve created so many #BurgMoments for people lately that I was in fact at risk of going overboard!

When there is nothing going on in my life I am uninspired. So for all the contentment that I settle for, I sacrifice my creativity

To create, I need to be troubled. I need to be sad. I need unrequited love.

I didn’t and couldn’t understand this; I felt so guilty about feeling troubled when everything was suddenly going right. Like I was supposed to be thankful for what I had.

Over the last few months I couldn’t speak about this to anyone, because quite honestly nobody could understand it, nor would I expect them to, I guess. I didn’t have that one person who “got me”.

Recently two things have changed in my life.

I reconnected with my dearest friend, who I truly love to bits, because we are two sides of the same coin. The year or so that we drifted apart ripped a hole in me that I thought would never be repaired. But over the last few months, I’m happy to say I feel we have become closer than ever, and I know now with great certainty, that she will forever be the best part of my life, and I will work tirelessly to keep her in my life. She gives me perspective, and allows me my nuances that would quite honestly offend most of the population, because she is exactly the same. So to have you in my life Ray Ray, is my single greatest achievement I will have …um…achieved. I know you will read this, and I know you will understand way beyond the words I have used here. Ours is a friendship destined to be.

The time we spent apart was the hardest and loneliest time I’ve ever experienced, (and I’ve been through hell a number of times!), I strangely don’t regret it though; because I feel it’s made us realise what we really mean to each other.

The second person is someone I very much doubt will ever read this, and that’s perhaps a good thing.

It’s been a long, long time, since I have felt any sort of affection for a girl. I’ve had passing crushes, I’ve tried to flirt with old friends, but everything was so fleeting.

Now I find myself in a situation where I have found someone I am so comfortable liking, that everything feels right about it. When we talk we go from joking conversations to serious discussion without the awkwardness in between.

When she touches my hand, or stands close to me, I feel all my troubles disappear, even just for that moment. And those who know me know I am not a physical contact guy in the least.

We think the same things at the same times, we make the same jokes (which is so important to me), and I find myself wondering what she is doing right now as I type this blog.

But here’s the kicker.

This will never come to be anything more than this. My heart will ache because of this, but it will not fall to pieces.

I understand it’s not reciprocated, and for the first time in my life, I’m ok with this. It’s the strangest dichotomy.

It’s not one of those situations where “maybe” something will happen one day, it simply won’t. My line of ‘guys like me don’t get girls like her’ is in full effect here.

But for the first time in my life, when it comes to someone I find myself falling for, I am approaching it with my life motto of #LiveForTheMoments.

I am so happy when I’m around her, my heart beats a million miles a minute (yes, doctor friends I know that’s not how it works), she’s the sort of girl you could sit with in silence for an hour, and it would be the best hour of your life….well, unless we were being held captive like in a SAW movie, at that moment…but still, even with the torture going on, it would still be a pretty awesome time, just because I got to spend it with her.

Now each morning, I get up, with a smile on my face(book) because I know I will see her. I pack a good lunch because I know we will share it, and wear the good cologne because maybe, just maybe she will stand close to me…A guy can dream eh?

So to these two individuals, I say thank you, in your own ways, you inspire me in ways you will never know, you allow me to be who I am, and you bring out the best in me, most importantly, because of you I know who I am, and I feel complete. Demons and all.