Sometimes, All You Need Is A Little Heartache To Feel Good About Life

An old friend once said to me, that I write about such heavy sh!t; but where would I find my inspiration once I have no more demons left?

I’m paraphrasing of course, but he was correct.

These last few months have produced so little writing, and for the longest time I was frustrated because I didn’t know why I couldn’t get inspired.

Then, suddenly I had the strangest of weeks. From losing friends, to making new ones, from seeing old friends in a new light, to seeing new friends in a familiar light…it’s been a week of epic proportions.

My emotions were off the chart for a number of reasons; and then, it all seemed to click. My emotions ARE what inspire me. I’ve created so many #BurgMoments for people lately that I was in fact at risk of going overboard!

When there is nothing going on in my life I am uninspired. So for all the contentment that I settle for, I sacrifice my creativity

To create, I need to be troubled. I need to be sad. I need unrequited love.

I didn’t and couldn’t understand this; I felt so guilty about feeling troubled when everything was suddenly going right. Like I was supposed to be thankful for what I had.

Over the last few months I couldn’t speak about this to anyone, because quite honestly nobody could understand it, nor would I expect them to, I guess. I didn’t have that one person who “got me”.

Recently two things have changed in my life.

I reconnected with my dearest friend, who I truly love to bits, because we are two sides of the same coin. The year or so that we drifted apart ripped a hole in me that I thought would never be repaired. But over the last few months, I’m happy to say I feel we have become closer than ever, and I know now with great certainty, that she will forever be the best part of my life, and I will work tirelessly to keep her in my life. She gives me perspective, and allows me my nuances that would quite honestly offend most of the population, because she is exactly the same. So to have you in my life Ray Ray, is my single greatest achievement I will have …um…achieved. I know you will read this, and I know you will understand way beyond the words I have used here. Ours is a friendship destined to be.

The time we spent apart was the hardest and loneliest time I’ve ever experienced, (and I’ve been through hell a number of times!), I strangely don’t regret it though; because I feel it’s made us realise what we really mean to each other.

The second person is someone I very much doubt will ever read this, and that’s perhaps a good thing.

It’s been a long, long time, since I have felt any sort of affection for a girl. I’ve had passing crushes, I’ve tried to flirt with old friends, but everything was so fleeting.

Now I find myself in a situation where I have found someone I am so comfortable liking, that everything feels right about it. When we talk we go from joking conversations to serious discussion without the awkwardness in between.

When she touches my hand, or stands close to me, I feel all my troubles disappear, even just for that moment. And those who know me know I am not a physical contact guy in the least.

We think the same things at the same times, we make the same jokes (which is so important to me), and I find myself wondering what she is doing right now as I type this blog.

But here’s the kicker.

This will never come to be anything more than this. My heart will ache because of this, but it will not fall to pieces.

I understand it’s not reciprocated, and for the first time in my life, I’m ok with this. It’s the strangest dichotomy.

It’s not one of those situations where “maybe” something will happen one day, it simply won’t. My line of ‘guys like me don’t get girls like her’ is in full effect here.

But for the first time in my life, when it comes to someone I find myself falling for, I am approaching it with my life motto of #LiveForTheMoments.

I am so happy when I’m around her, my heart beats a million miles a minute (yes, doctor friends I know that’s not how it works), she’s the sort of girl you could sit with in silence for an hour, and it would be the best hour of your life….well, unless we were being held captive like in a SAW movie, at that moment…but still, even with the torture going on, it would still be a pretty awesome time, just because I got to spend it with her.

Now each morning, I get up, with a smile on my face(book) because I know I will see her. I pack a good lunch because I know we will share it, and wear the good cologne because maybe, just maybe she will stand close to me…A guy can dream eh?

So to these two individuals, I say thank you, in your own ways, you inspire me in ways you will never know, you allow me to be who I am, and you bring out the best in me, most importantly, because of you I know who I am, and I feel complete. Demons and all.

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3 Responses to “Sometimes, All You Need Is A Little Heartache To Feel Good About Life”

  1. Damn Que Mala Says:

    love this!! “To create, I need to be troubled. I need to be sad. I need unrequited love.”

  2. dragonmommie Says:

    I find that it’s almost the same for me. My emotions need to be stirred so viciously that I can’t go another minute without writing about it….

  3. H Says:

    Beautiful. Every word I can relate to in my own life.

    (found this when I Googled ‘sometimes heartache feels good’)

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