I have a recurring joke I like to make every so often. A comment so uncomfortably honest it makes people question whether it’s actually just me being awkwardly funny or deadly serious.
“I’m thinking about taking on a lover”
The more reserved of my friends/readers tend to take it humorously, and respond with a joke of their own, knowing that nobody would openly state they are looking for THAT. Others think I’m putting out feelers to see if any “lonely soul” bites…
To put everyone’s minds at rest…
I am ALWAYS looking for a lover. Always.
But why is that considered taboo? Or a shocking statement to make?
Am I not a single adult who craves companionship and affection? Surely I’m entitled to a sex life just as much as anyone else.
Over the last week or two, the conversation of sex has reared its head in a few varying conversations. How honest is too honest when talking about it? What are the pros and cons of a single lonely man paying for companionship and sex? Does sex ruin friendships if you want to have sex with a friend?
It’s often and easily misconstrued as a “typical guy after just one thing”, which makes me laugh a sad sorta laugh.
My sexually history has been written about before, yes, too much to some, but nonetheless, my sexual history in itself can be considered shocking. Most likely for the most opposite of reasons that one might think.
The truth is in the pudding.
I’m a near 34 year old man who has had sex a grand total of once in his life. And this came (excuse the pun), just before I turned 30.
Effectively, I waited 30 years for my first time (yes, I do count the ages between birth and 16yrs old), and now who knows how long I’ll have to wait for me second time.
I can’t say much about my first time, because quite honestly, I never knew what to expect, or anything to compare it against. It something that sorta just happened as a result of a hybrid between opportunity and negotiation.
The willing participant was an old school friend who was most likely stuck in a rut with where she was in her life. We ended up doing it in my office at a previous job in the afternoon. Yup, Office sex and afternoon delight. Doesn’t get much better than that right? (Now of course if you’re smart enough and do the math, you’ll know exactly when and where this took place, and probably give the person who took over my office after me cold shivers right about now….but don’t worry, we exchanged desks too).
The act itself was more of a learning experience for me I guess. I can’t say I did it for the right reasons or it’s something I always wanted from the person. It was just something that was. I don’t think either of us regrets it, and it was a nice memory. That’s all it seems now. A memory.
I’m not exactly living a life where the chance for sex comes along…in fact this was probably the only time, but I do know there have been numerous people I was attracted to sexually. Even now, there are those I would give anything to be with, who I just find so absolutely attractive that I go weak at the knees. Relationships aside, being around them or talking to them, gives me THAT feeling. That’s not a bad thing right? Nor should it be taboo.
In this day and age, if two adults (yes, from 18) are attracted to each other, why can they not just openly discuss the matter, do the deed, and create a moment that adds value to their life. The most basic emotion we deserve to feel is love, physically or emotionally.
Should sex only be a result of a long term relationship? Or should it be the basis of keeping a relationship together, but the what if you are the kind of person who will never be fortunate enough to be in a relationship (yes, the truth is not everyone gets that luxury).
The question is why can I not find a lover? I’m surely not wholly unattractive? Sure I could afford to drop a few pounds which would certainly help with my confidence…but is the thought of sober sex with me worse than having sex with Peter Griffin? (sure, I’d throw in more pop culture references)
Perhaps at the end of the day, I’m just a naïve lonely guy who looks for love in all the wrong places. But all I know is I’m so tired of watching porn….plus these iPads are so hard hold…(that’s what she said.)