Archive for the ‘pop culture’ Category

Burg. Writer

November 6, 2013

Hey everyone, as this travel blog has come to an end for a while, I’d like to encourage you to follow me on my next adventure, as I prepare to finish my first ever book, and get it out there for everyone to read.

If you’ve enjoyed these posts, my book is full of many similar adventures, mishaps and heartbreakingly humorous situations.

Hopefully you have a facebook account, because you can like my official page here http://www.facebook.com/shaunmyburgwrites and I’ll be revealing the premise of the book when I hit 50 likes!

Thank you for the support, we’ve only just begun!

Burg

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“Every Office Has One” – 14 Clichéd Colleagues

May 10, 2012

If you’ve ever worked in an office, you’ve probably used a variation of the line, “It would be so perfect if it weren’t for just one person there…”

I’ve worked in at least 10 different office environments, in different industries, in my time and each and every place has had at least that one person who ruins your entire working experiences at that job because of their annoying habits.

I’d like to now pay tribute to those clichéd colleagues who we affectionately think back on as and say “Every office at least one…”

Of course, those of us who just have plain ol’bad luck can sometimes be subjected to individuals who have a rare combination of the below traits, but I guarantee you will come across someone you recognize here, no matter where you work.

With that, I’d like to present to you my Top 14 Countdown of clichéd colleagues.

14. The Name Dropper

I’m not even talking about a celebrity name dropper here…that would still be understandable to a point in an office environment. This type of name dropper is a far deadlier species…they are the kinds of person you will tell you all about Roger’s argument he had with the checkout employee at the local supermarket this weekend. Or about Betty’s decision to put her mom in a home during the Easter holidays. Who are Roger and Betty you may ask? Exactly. Name Droppers are presumptuous enough to tell us stories involving their friends who you don’t know from a bar of soap as if they were the cast of a well known tv sitcom, who we all should know.

13. The “Grey’s Anatomy” Chick

“OMG! Did you catch Grey’s last night! McDreamy was such a b@stard!”… A variation of this evening salvo is becoming a common problem in the work place these days. Before Peg from accounting has even put her handbag down in the morning, she is still fuming from last night’s drama, which no real drama can ever compare to. The Grey’s Anatomy Chick, may also be known as The Survivor Chick, and now also as The MasterChef Chick.

12. The Not As Funny As He Thinks He Is Guy

For every likeable prankster in the office, there is always his evil office twin, the douche bag comedian. His jokes are normally predetermined well in advance in case the moment ever arrives where he can use his “witty one liner” or bad pun. However, there is NEVER a right moment. In desperation, this comedian can often resort to a funny voices, and fart jokes to get a laugh out of people. His bag of material is paper thin, so expect him to recycle many of his jokes. WARNING: DO NOT ENCOURAGE HIM with sympathy laughter.

11. The Pervert

There is sexual innuendo in everything for this guy. You could be making copies of the monthly financial report, and The Pervert would be like “So…you like …multiplying…don’t you?” The Pervert is also unable to stay focused on work for long periods of time, so if you need something done, get it done quick, before you suddenly have to “check the ass out on that one…If I just had 5 minutes alone with her!” And yes, The Pervert is often immune to any sort of office discipline (you like to be disciplined…don’t you), however, this should not stop you from lodging a complaint…the only draw back is that he will think you are playing hard to get. The Female version does exist, however they are rare, and often disguised as plus sized women.

10. The Mail Forwarder

Motivationals, K-Mart shoppers, Daily Horoscopes and the old favourite – “send this back to me…and 5 friends, and see your luck change” forwards are a clear indication you are on a mailing list you will never get off for the rest of your time at that particular job. The Mail Forwarder is smart, and strikes early, normally within you first week in your job. It will be too awkward to ask them not to include you and 2 years later, you will have no hope left. A typical South African forwarded will also include secret crime syndicate warnings that the police aren’t even aware of, Road Block warnings, and potential mass strike emails that are “inside information”.

9. Miss TMI

“You know, since I had my hysterectomy, my bladder seems to get infected at the drop of a hat.”. That’s right, Miss TMI (Too Much Information) has no boundaries. Her medical conditions are everyone’s business, and her desk drawers normally contain more prescription drugs than your local pharmacy. Her sex life will also be open for discussion whether you like it or not. As it will be discussed in great detail, never, ever, under any circumstances ask Miss TMI how she is doing…because she will tell you.

8. The Car Guy

Yes, The Fast & The Furious was an pretty awesome movie, but The Car Guy will also try and convince you that 2 Fast 2 Furious was just as epic. He spends his life upgrading and modifying his car, and never actually finishes it, but thankfully he keeps you updated throughout the entire process. The Car Guy, often has a flawless knowledge of sound systems, and knows a guy who knows a guy who can get you a good deal. The CG can often be found at illegal races, but would never actually compete in them, despite what he may tell you about blowing a gasket during his practice run the weekend before. The Car Guy, is also fond of using the F-Bomb in every sentence, especially when talking about police and authority figures.

7. The Story Repeater (also known as The Joke Stealer)

Ever had a colleague tell you an interesting story? And then a few days later tell you a story that sounds familiar? And then 2 weeks later tell you the same effing story for the 8th time! These people are sick and need our help. If they begin to tell you a repeat story, stop them immediately, you sanity may depend on it! These are the same people that repeat a joke or wise crack seconds after you say it as if it were their own!!

6. The Religious Nut

Jesus saves!…but Messi scores on the rebound. Seemingly, those darn Christians never find that funny. Every work place has at least one openly religious person you tells you that everything is the Lord’s will. If there is a tragedy, it’s God’s Will. If you are going through troubles, they will pray for you. If the vending machine takes your money…someone needed it more that you did. It is of course naturally assumed that you too are religious and believe in the same thing they do, so expect daily prayers and blessings, straight to you inbox.

5. The Know It All

The colleague who always feels the need to be involved in all conversations no matter the topic, and don’t let the fact that they know nothing about said topic stop them. They will give you incorrect movie titles, unfounded opinions on sports teams and their performances, or they will simply steal an opinion from someone they heard on the radio, or read on the internet, if it happens to be a topical issue that everyone is talking about, in an attempt to be relevant. The Know-It-All will also blatantly argue with incorrect facts even if you are an expert in a certain field.

4. The Personal Caller

There are two kinds of Personal Callers. The loud and proud version who openly spends her days on personal calls, letting the entire office know about her breakup, faulty purchases and doctors appointments. This kind of PC is not self aware and maybe need to be bought into the loop that she spends 4 hours a day on the phone. The second kind of PC is, the whisperer. They will only ever be seen listening to phone calls, with the receiver affixed to their ear. These are hard to report unless you are monitoring them with advanced military equipment…or have access to their phone bills. In rare cases you can come across a hybrid of these two types…a Super Caller if you will.

3. The “Have You Seen” Picture Lady

Not to be confused with The Name Dropper, this is the lady in the office that will show you every baby picture, wedding album and “wahoo”party picture relating to her, her family, her friends and anyone else who might of captured her awesomeness in a photo. She often doesn’t care about your opinion , just as long as you agree with her that it’s the most beautiful wedding ever, the cutest baby ever and the most awesome part ever….till the next one at least.

2. The “How Did They Get That Job?” Colleague

Their only job skill is endurance. How else would you explain how that moron got the position of Team Leader, Supervisor or Manager? They have zero problem solving skills, no backbone, and speak only in clichés. However, these are the same people that often own the nicest cars, and scarily, often have wives and kids.

1. The Cat Lady

Oh you know the type! Cat lady is the most famous of all the stereotypes, and she deserves no mercy. She can sometimes be a combination of the mail forwarder, sending you daily pics of cats in HIGHlarious scenarious….such as falling asleep on the keyboard kitty, surprised face kitty, and grumpy “this explains how I feel about work” kitty. If you happen to miss these emails, don’t worry, Cat Lady has all of them printed out and stuck around her cubicle for quick reference. She often also has a kitty as her Facebook profile pic.

So that’s my list…recognize yourself? If so, then take the shame!
I know for a fact there are tons of other clichés out there, so feel free to comment below and add your choices…

Meeting Bret “The Hitman” Hart – Part 2: Fate Steps In!

July 12, 2011

During Bret’s 13 years exodus from the WWE, there were many teases about his return in some capacity, but it never happened.

On Pay-Per-View nights, my friend Gordy and I had many conversations about THIS being the perfect angle for The Hitman to return…but he never did…time and time again we were left disappointed.

Then news started to filter about Hart dealing with the WWE again. Over the years DVDs and merchandise were released with Bret’s involvement…but still no on screen appearance.

In 2006, Bret got the much deserved call into the Hall of Fame…it was an epic night for the fans to see Bret get inducted, but Bret left straight afterwards and never made the traditional on stage performance at the following night’s WrestleMania.

Bret again disappeared.

Then…out of nowhere, an angle started up on RAW in December 2009…

WWE were running with a series of “Guest hosts” for RAW…from celebrities to former WWE stars. Vince McMahon teased that Bret Hart would be the one guy who would never guest host.

In a promo with Vince McMahon, Shawn Michaels spoke the prophetic words of – “If you bring Bret Hart back, – good things will happen.”

Then January 4th 2010, Bret The Hitman Hart returned to the WWE. When his signature music hit…and the Hitman walked out after 13 years…I was in tears.

Bret buried the hatchet with longtime enemy Shawn Michaels…I was in tears.

Bret got involved in several storylines leading up to a matchup at Wrestlemania XXVI where Bret was given retribution against Vince McMahon. A good feeling for life long fans. With Hart family members at ringside (and the member of those we lost)…I was in tears.

The WWE played out further storylines with Bret as GM of RAW and eventually being taken out by the Rising youngsters including South Africa’s own Justin Gabriel – NEXUS. Bret was written off tv.

Nobody knew if that was it for Bret’s triumphant return, for months it seemed like it could be.

Then Bret was brought back for Summerslam in 2010, but used minimally. There was a Hitman tribute show on RAW a few weeks later, but by the end of 2010, the Hitman stepped away with his short term contract seemingly done.

Internet reports suggested Bret was done with the WWE.

Earlier this year, I found out the WWE would be returning to South Africa for a series of shows…of course this would involve the current roster of Superstars.

It was officially announced.

Meanwhile, in May 2011, during a PPV match between Hall of Famer, and long time friend/rival Jerry The King Lawler and Michael Cole, the Hitman stunningly made another return to WWE TV, and also appeared the next night on RAW.

I heard mumblings that Bret would be joining the Smackdown tour to South Africa in July! Surely it was just another in the long list of rumours that I’d heard about Hitman in my life.

I went straight to the source and tweeted @BretHart asking if this was true…and he replied IT WAS!

After last seeing the Hitman 15 years ago, I was going to get another chance to see my idol live…Meeting Bret was always a bucket list item for me, and suddenly there was a tiny window of opportunity to achieve this.

My personal struggle with the world over the last decade has been well documented, but the one thing that always kept me going was that I was a dreamer. I believed in the impossible, in beating the odds. However being a 33 year old single guy who still has dreams, and heroes is a weird juxtaposition in this day and age.

For the last few months in particular I had lost faith in the world. I had convinced myself that nothing good exists anymore, and that dreaming only leads to disappointment.

A few months ago, I posted a question on Facebook asking which three people you would love to invite to dinner. Some people went with the usual dead celebs, rocks stars, Nelson Mandela etc. My answer was – Leona Lewis, Johnny Depp and Bret The Hitman Hart.

I was determined to do what it takes to meet The Hitman this time around. Heck, I NEEDED this!

I organized tickets through a good soul, and knew I would see the Hitman in some capacity at the show at least, but I needed that handshake with the Hitman, I needed one conversation with him.

Being in the industry I’m in any knowing the people I know, I had a lot of contacts. Many of them casually promised they’d organize me a meet and great, or back stage passes, etc etc. All those sort of things people randomly say. As the Johannesburg dates grew closer and the Superstars arrived, those promises amounted to nothing.

I knew time was running short and if this was going to happen I needed a) a bit of luck and b) to do it myself.

The promoters had not organized any signings, so that was out.
Then it dawned on me to simply check the wwe.com website for “superstar appearances”…I did and slowly read

Cape Town – Justin Gabriel and Sin Cara signing at a toy store.
Cool…but damn!
Durban – The Big Show signing at a toy store.
Cool….but damn!
Johannesburg……Bret The Hitman Hart signing at a toy store.
Cool…but damn!

…..wait a second…
BRET THE HITMAN HART WOULD BE SIGNING IN JOHANNESBURG!!!!!!!

Out of all the superstars that could possibly appear at the Johannesburg signing it was the one person I wanted…the Gods of Fate were either smiling upon me…or teasing the hell outta me.

This if course was no guarantee I would even get close to him , I had been to many wrestler signings in the past, and they were mostly disasters.

Marc Mero & Sable – 4 hours in the baking hot sun…no photographs allowed.
Mark Henry – no photos allowed
Rikishi – just say hi and walk on.
JBL and Ivory – this was actually decent, I spoke to JBL for a bit.
Rey Mysterio and Kidman – just walk past and bump knuckles. No autographs or pictures.

I found out about the signing on Friday morning, and it was on Saturday. For the next 24 hours I felt sick to my stomach about everything that could go wrong. I tried to find someone to come with me, but nobody was interested. Story of my life right there.

On Friday night I looked at all my Hitman merchandise and wondered what should I attempt to get signed? Then as I looked at his autobiography it make perfect sense to that that. It was his story, which formed part of my story.

On Saturday I woke up later than I would of liked, and raced through to the shopping centre he was scheduled to appear at. It was a far drive, far enough to allow my mind to get the better of me. Should I turn around and not risk this turning into a bad experience? I don’t think I could handle that. Is the dream better than the reality?

I arrived, got parking, headed to the men’s room to dispose of my energy drink. And made my way to find the “spot”.

With relative ease I found the queue and it looked fairly short…good start!

Then however I noticed everyone in the queue had a “wwe ticket”. I asked what these were for and got told you have to have one to meet The Hitman. However to get a ticket you had to spend R200 at the store sponsoring the signing!

This was not advertised anywhere, and I happen to be someone who NEVER carries money.

I was heartbroken (excuse the pun), and immediately felt defeated. Then…in my George McFly moment, I raised my head up and with great confidence I went to the store and explained some of my story to them. The manager either feeling sympathy or fearing my beard organized me two tickets to go stand in the queue.

As I stood in line I began to wonder what exact I would say to Bret if I did in fact get to speak to him.

Do I tell him about that Battle Royal with Bad News Brown that made me a fan?
Do I quote his line I use almost daily? “Settle Down Anvil, settle down”
Do I tell him how he helped me through tragedy?
Do I ask him how he’s enjoying SA?
Do I just say “sup hitman”?

I thought I’d distract myself by taking some photos….

Which would have been a good idea if my digital camera hadn’t suddenly and inexplicably stopped working!

Panic set in…what was I going to go? The cameras on my phones were fine for close ups, but they would never be good enough for a pic with The Hitman!

Oh great.

They then allowed to queue to move forward right up to the desk where Hitman would be signing. As I looked at the queue I saw a few die-hard fans who were educated about the Hitman, but the crowd was mostly youngsters who were probably born 15 years ago. I knew I was the biggest fan there and smiled to myself thinking this was all just for me and Bret.

I asked the couple in front of me if they could taken a pic of me and Bret if possible and send it to me. They said sure.

Then a dear friend of mine happened to be in the centre and came and joined me. Oh great, nothing like a beautiful woman to see you at your geekiest as you try and justify why you are there. But she was awesome, and even decided to join me to meet him! As we shuffled through the hundred camera phones we tried to find something that would be the best.

The lady on the PA system announced that Bret Hart had arrived, and told us a few rules. No ticket no sign – check
Only one item allowed to be signed – check
You can take photos but can’t go behind the table – awkward but check.

Then, they pumped up some random hard rock music and out came Bret “The Hitman” Hart!!!!

He was wearing the black leather jacket and the sunglasses!!!!!

He got a warm reception. And took his place at the table…

I began to shake from what can only be described as a hybrid of excited and utter fear.

The line moved quickly and before I knew it, it was our turn. I let my friend go first, and took a picture of them with her phone, I felt almost blind though, so I don’t even know how her pic came out!

I saw the couple who was in front of me walk off, so much for them taking a picure and sending it to me!

As I walked up to Bret, 25 years of memories came flashing into my brain, and as I handed over my book in my shaky voice I said to him “Hitman, after 25 years I’ve thought what I would say to you if I ever met you, *he looked up at me*, and all I can think of is….thank you.”

He half smiled and said, “Well thank you for buying my book I appreciate it”

He then asked my name and signed the book to me. I asked for a photo and he extended his hand and shook mine.

At that exact moment my friend got the digital camera working and took the perfect picture of us.

I said thank you and enjoy the rest of the tour.

I didn’t look back, and simply walked off and got onto cloud number 9.

There are so few perfect moments left in life (especially mine). But this was the single greatest day of my life, and it took a series of events to perfectly align for it to happen.

For Bret it was just another of his millions of fans he’s met over the decades, and he won’t think about it for another second.

For me it was everything I needed it to be to believe in dreams again, and remind myself that there is a destiny out there waiting for me.

Meeting Bret “The Hitman” Hart – Part 1: The back story…

July 10, 2011

It’s not easy being a Wrestling fan, even more so as an adult. But I’ve always proudly stood tall as a fan. Not just of the WWE, but wrestling overall. I’m easily the single biggest fan in South Africa, and for me its been a life long passion.

(If you still continue to argue I’m not the biggest fan click here for all the proof)

People always try and rile me into defending it, but I never get goaded into the arguments of the naysayers.

If you ask anyone who knows me well enough, they could probably share a wrestling related story with you. From the early Hogan days, right up to the current roster.

I’ve been a fan since 1986, and I’ve had many favourites over the years. I have a vast knowledge of the history of the business, and I have a memory that remembers ever moment, title change or significant piece of trivia.

Some people may share the stories about the oversized Bret “The Hitman” Hart t-shirt I used to wear as a kid. Or the pink pencil case (space case) I used to use in High School (and believe me it’s hard to justify pink when you’re a guy in High School)…but firmly stuck upon my pink pencil case were my stickers of Bret “The Hitman” Hart.

Noticing a pattern? Yup, my all time favourite superstar was Bret Hart. From the moment Bad New Brown turned on Hitman at the WrestleMania IV Battle Royal, and double crossed him only to have his trophy destroyed by Hart. I was hooked. In that moment Bret turned from “bad guy” to “good guy”/

Bret was one half of The Hart Foundation with brother-in-law Jim The Anvil Kneidhart, one of the greatest tag teams of all time. Back in those days, wrestling wasn’t on every day here in SA. And it was hard to keep track of storylines and matches. Especially since this was long before the invention of the internet. But I mad a plan. I have penpals across the globe who sent me tapes, I found magazines, I kept a scrapbook, I knew what was going on…albeit a few weeks late.

I bought merchandise with every cent I had. Everytime a wrestling video game came out, I was there to buy it on day of release, and of course, The Hitman was the first character I played with.

I had Bret Hart posters, flags, action figures everywhere! (and they still are!)

Wrestling was such a big part of my life that I always found solace in it. When my brother died, I remembered that Bret lost his brother Dean a few years before. When Bret’s brother Own tragically died, it was on the anniversary of my brother’s death. The Hart family went through so much loss and pain, similar to my family, that I felt even more connected to him as time went on. When I felt lost or angry with the world, the Hitman was there to show me how to keep going on.

When the WWE (WWF at the time), toured South Africa for the very first time in 1996, it was a very special moment for me. Leading the tour was Bret The Hitman Hart. He was the WWF champion and leader of the new generation. I did everything I could to try and find a way to meet him, but it never happened. I was however content in the fact that I got to see him in action.

The year that followed was a strange one. Bret went through an amazing feud with Stone Cold Steve Austin, that eventually led to Bret turning heel again (bad guy), and fans HATED him. The Hart foundation reformed, and they generated heat all through the US, but I still supported them.

Towards the end of 1997, Bret was involved in now infamous Montreal Screwjob, which lead to Bret leaving the WWF and headed for WCW.

Bret’s time in the WCW was miserable. And soon, thanks to more tragedy, including a career ending concussion thanks to that doofus Goldberg, Bret faded away into the history books, and stepped away from wrestling.

When I heard news of Bret’s stroke, my heart broke…but in typical Hitman style, he overcame that too. I always hoped he would come back in some way.

Bret swore he would never return to the WWE, and for over a decade the wrestling world was a lesser place without Bret in it.

My dreams of ever meeting my idol had all but faded into the distance…

Little did I know those fateful stars were only just beginning to align…

Tales From The Burgmobile: Part 1

April 14, 2011

Sure. The Burg is my driver….but we’ve never really seen it that way. To us, for the last four plus years, we’ve been best friends. We’ve seen it all, and been through more (a burgism he always likes to use).

In fact, its exactly 4 years ago today that the two of us embarked on the first of what would be a series of adventures.

You see, when we were assigned as partners…it wasn’t just a job for us. We both had a spirit of adventure, and of course, a heightened sense of drama.

Back then, the roads were a different place for The Burg. They were just a means to get somewhere, but together, being on the roads gave us both meaning. If I may, I’d like to share a few stories with you all.

Of course I can’t share EVERYTHING with you…because Burg would probably get fired…and I’d end up on the scrap heap.

As I mentioned, our first trip together was 1 year ago. We headed from Johannesburg to Sun City for our first ever SAMA awards. Burg was in a bad way then. He had no money and was in a bad depression. I felt bad for the guy…I was also worried about my own safety to be honest. We got hopelessly lost that evening as we made our way. Neither of us really knew how to get there, so we ended up seeing a bit more of the neighboring towns than we originally wanted to hehe. Burg had to deal with some demons that weekend, and I’m happy to say we both survived it. For three more years after that we did the annual trip there. In fact, one year he even brought someone along. That was the start of the end for that friendship. I think Burg still misses that friend, but he tries to act like he doesn’t…because it still hurts. This year it was announced that the venue was changing, but I think we’ll always have fond memories of that annual excursion. I know I will. Lord knows he needed that annual getaway.

Burg’s a crazy cat, but his heart has always been in the right place. I see a side of him a lot of others don’t. He cares so much for people, that why when he get his heart broken, it drives him to the point of insanity. He just loses so much faith in the world.

I remember when a girl he really liked, and I mean REALLY liked decided she didn’t want to pursue anything with him. It hurt him bad. I took them to a lot of functions, and I saw how he genuinely loved her. She was the one. They got on great and I thought maybe this time it would actually work out. He took a lot of pain out of that “relationship”. He yearned for her, her touch, her attention. He never wanted to give up. Many a days he drove him in tears, but would never let anyone see him that way. When they finally stopped seeing each other…he was lost. This was where he went through his little emo face. Which to be fair, looked good on him hehe.

He was filming a short film at the time and had a role as a “mean looking guy”, perfectly suited. Anyways, one of the days he got his filming day wrong and only realized it while he was on the way to the location. Never one to let a good day out go to waste, he made a spur of the moment decision to take us to the beach. He had the idea of writing the name of the girl he was pining for’s name in the sand and watching the ocean wash it away. This would be such a bad decision except that the nearest beach was 7 hours away. And he had never driven there before…and it was 10am in the morning. He had his video camera with him and filmed the entire trip down. In fact, all videos are still on Youtube if I remember.

The most amazing part of it was, we drown all this time and he simply walked onto the beach, wrote the name, watched it wash away, and got back in the car, and we drove right back. It’s the most amazing experience, and boy was it scary being on those dark rainy road with trucks carrying logs swerving all over the place…but certainly wouldn’t be the craziest thing he did. That was to come a few months later.

We’ve had so many good memories. Of course every one is balanced by an equally sad story. In the early days, I had to take him to pawn shops as he sold off everything he owned just to survive and take care of his mom. That took its toll on him. That’s why it was an absolute pleasure to take him shopping when he can into some luch. And boy can the kid and his mom shop! We went everywhere! Every bit of space I had was packed to the brim with stuff. From dvds to furniture. Hahaha, I remember the two of them actually holding stuff on the roof just to get it home.

I’ve just got to go put in some petrol (or gas to those American readers out there)…but I’ll be back with some more stories about The Burg and The Burgmobile you won’t wanna miss….

A Burg Never Forgets

April 7, 2011

I’ve always been cursed (blessed) with having a ridiculously good memory.

I retain EVERYTHING…sure its good for trivia and movie facts, but it also means I relive everything as if it was yesterday but simply thinking about it. This is particularly hard when it comes to bad memories.

I’m always so amazed when I talk to friends and say “hey remember that time…” And they often reply with “mmm. No I don’t”. Or worse yet, they think they do and proceed to give completely the wrong account of the incident.

Since I’ve been on a “making lists” train as of late, I thought I’d share with you 50 obscure memories of my childhood.

1) The first word I was able to read was “hi-fi”…it was in a newspaper.
2) The movie on TV the day my brother died was Top Gun. The night before was Moscow On The Hudson.
3) In grade two, we went to the zoo on a field trip. A group of us got hidings from Miss Du Plessis for stretching too far over the crocodile wall.
4) A bunch of friends once rode to my house on their bicycles, one of them called out “shaunie, fatty, come out and play”…my mom raced ahead of me a ripped into the kid and proceeded to tell him how fat his whole family was. I didn’t get to play with them.
5) I won our church fundraiser darts competition when I was just 12. I beat out the adults too.
6) The first book I bought with my own pocket money was the book adaptation of Mad Max: Beyond the Thunderdome
7) I fell off the goal posts and broke my arm in std 5. I hid it for a few days, but when I had to glue a project together in class, everyone found out.
8 ) The opening line to my headboy speech in Std 5 was “Where we are going, we will no longer be a Big fish in a small pond, we will now be small fishes in big ponds”
9) During our Cape Town tour of 1990, I bought a nudie pen. You know the one you turn upside down the clothes fall off the girl on the pen. I sold it before the tour ended.
10) On the first day of that same tour, some kid through my old buck gin hat into the toilet. It was so embarassing I didn’t wear it for the rest of the tour.
11) My first best friend was named Ryan.
12) In std 1, I took gift bags to school for my birthday. My mom made me give the girls she didn’t like the worst toys. I remember having to give someone a …thimble.
13) During school holidays I would move my mattress to the lounge and watch Ghostbusters at midnight.
14) I once had a Tarzan doll. I rolled over it one night while sleeping and broke it.
15) My late uncle bought me a comic book to cheer me up after my brother’s death – Captain Atom issue #19
16) When I was named headboy in primary school, I got kisses from all the previous year’s female heads and deputy heads. Older women score!
17) In std5 we made perspex knives. Why I have no idea.
18) The first time I had a wet dream was after I saw The Doors…lotsa nekkidness there!
19) The first valentines day card I got in grade 1 was from a girl named Natalie. The last one I got was in std 6 from a girl named Lauren.
20) In Std 1, I earning praise from my teacher Mrs Holgate because I knew that Margaret Thatcher was called The Iron Lady.
21) I had a hampster named Flash. He could read. My mom left him out in the sun and he died. It was the first time my heart broke.
22) In 1990 I begged my brother to let me take his soccer ball to school. My mom made him say yes. That afternoon it was stolen from outside the library. I got a whippin at home.
23) When I got my first A+ in high school (for accounting no less), my mom bought me Terminator 2 on VHS.
24) I bought a scrooge Mcduck stained glass ornament and a dennis the menace puzzle at a school jumble sale in 1988.
25) In Std 6 I did the most awesome project on dracula and horror icons.
26) The guy who first got me interested in my lifelong love for tennis was a guy named Stephen Budge. Possibly related to Don Budge.
27) I bought a toy from the tv show Popples, but kept it hidden because my dad thought it was too girly.
28) Every birthday I would rent either the friday the 13th or Nightmare on Elm street movies.
29) One of our end of terms movies during primary school was The Secret of Nimh
30) We once had a fun fair at our primary school. I got sick on the spinning teacups because I had a whole packet of sherbet before I went on.
31) The first song I slow danced to was “sacrifice” by Elton John.
32) The first person I spoke to on the first day of High School was a guy named Ronald. Don’t think we spoke much after that.
33) There was nothing better than spaghetti bolognaise from the tuck shop in primary school.
34) After our school athletics day in 1989, we stopped at the shop and bought six pack of Jumping Jack cooldrink. Tutti Frutti flavour.
35) KTV premiered Dino Riders at 4pm on my 10th birthday.
36) When a girl named louise had her birthday party, we watched Disney’s Alice in Wonderland.
37) During leadership camp in Std 4, the song we all had to rehearse to was “We all stand together” …also known as the frog song.
38) At that same leadership camp, a boy named stephen snuck a drag off a teachers cigarette when he left it balancing on a chair.
39) My first ever “date” was to the ice rink.
40) The first time I went to Sun City was 1991. The movie on the TV was Fletch. It was stuck in a loop and I saw the first 20 minutes six times.
41) I used to have Street Hawk pyjamas, and a Bionic Six bed spread.
42) I cried like a baby when I was announced as head boy. A guy named Allan asked me a few weeks later if I cried because my dad wasn’t there or if I was happy. To this day I still don’t know the answer.
43) At a birthday party I won a dance competition. It was legit judging too, because the host’s older sister and her friends judged. Older women score #2!
44) The last cassette tape I bought was the Jurassic Park soundtrack.
45) I was the tins in the bin champion for 2 years running. Tins in the bin is exactly was it sounds like.
46) With my first ever school holiday job, I used the paycheck to by the Empire Records soundtrack.
47) The first time my name was in the paper was in the Sunday Times magazine for winning a hamper of horror balls.
48) In std 5 we once has to wear togas to a roman theme function. I flashed two girls. I know who they are, but I’m sure they don’t remember. Guess I made zero impression!
49) I got punched in the face by a bully from a visiting school in 1991. I didn’t drop…but I did take a martial arts stance immediately afterwards ….even though I never had a single lesson.
50) The last thing my dad and I ever watched together was the Royal Rumble 1989. He died a few hours after that.

Can you remember obscure things from your childhood? Or have you hidden them away?

Live as The Burg. Die as The Burg

April 2, 2011

I’ve always been one to mind my own business. I tend to keep my head down when I walk…perhaps occasionally staring at a beautiful woman, but never ever have I been one to go up to someone and start a conversation.

However, for some reason (I have my theories), I’m ALWAYS the person someone else comes up to and engages in a debate.

If I go alone to a movie, concert, sporting event or other function, I’m the one who people turn and look at. Even in shopping centers people turn at stare. My mom always asks me why they do that, and I always just say they must think I’m famous.

Sometimes its understandable, to a point, because I’m wearing a sports team’s shirt which is the universal ice breaker. Or perhaps its a unique tshirt that attracts someone’s attention. If that happens, I suck it up and without being rude, engage in a brief conversation with whomever makes the approach.

Today however, I had to deal with an incident that happens far too often in my life.

You see, for a lack of a better term, I tend to have a unique appearance. I always have. Even in high school there was always something that brought attention to me…such as my slicked back hair…which earned me a nickname from the geniuses in the year ahead of me of “Slick”.

Till this day, each and everyday I always have a different hairstyle. I used to have a different colour every few months too.

I always wear something unique. Whether it be a bandanna, a hat, a trenchcoat, my legendary pant, a see through shirt, a white suit, a fake snake skin shirt. Whatever suits my mood.

One of the things I hate about this country, and I truly do, is that there is very much a close mindedness about individuality.

You can really dress us and walk down the high street, or go to the mall, or just dress good for dressing good sake.

There is always someone who will judge you or make a comment, or compare you to someone trending.

Years ago when I had corn rows in my hair, I was constantly called Beckham. Cos you know, that one time he came to South Africa, he had it done.

I went through a phase where I wore eyeliner and a smart shirt and tie. I was called one of The Parlotones.

Now, because I have a loooong beard I am constantly called Amla. This, for my international readers, is a reference to a national cricket player named Hashim Amla, who happens to have a long beard too, because he is Muslim.

In the last 2 weeks, I think I have been called this at least 8 times.

Today was by 2 drunken Afrikaans guys in a shopping center. Who started insulting me further because I gave them an unimpressed stare. (To be fair, my p*ssed off look is legendary, and has been featured in many films).

It just saddens me that people always feel compelled to mock and ridicule someone just because they themselves are not an individual.

I do believe if I lived in New York or London, I wouldn’t stand out as much, which makes me want to be there even more, just so I can be left alone.

I’ve dealt with it all my life, because I’ve never thought twice about trying something different. Sometimes its a popular choice, other times not, but I’ve always felt I’ve that a good head on ones shoulders and a pair of balls will go a long way.

If this means putting up with drunken concert goers throwing beer on me because I won’t humour them, mean kids who try and impress their friend by insulting me when they walk past, parents who judge me, and colleagues who feel the need to insult me to appear witty, then so be it.

Live as The Burg. Die as The Burg.

A Dummy’s Guide To Burg: 100 Facts about Me (2011 edition)

April 1, 2011

There once was this girl I liked. I knew nothing about her really…except that she worked in an arms and ammo shop in the shopping center I first saw her. My attempts at flirting with her were initially sweet and charming, but I think the minute she realized I was serious, quickly changed her mind and said she knew nothing about me, and then suddenly she had a boyfriend.

Neither of which deterred me, and my solution to problem “A” was to write down a list of 100 facts about myself and then present it to her…Seeing as though I’m still single, it obviously didn’t make much of an impact.

I’d actually like to revisit that list now. A lot has changed. Some not so much. But maybe this will become a Dummy’s Guide To Burg.

1) I still live with my mom as I take care of her. People never understand why.
2) My dad died when I was 11.
3) My older brother killed himself a year after that.
4) I never had a childhood and missed out on so much socializing. I feel bitter about that sometimes.
5) I have a very very very high IQ…but for years have had to show patience when dealing with others.
6) I have the patience of a saint.
7) I sometimes pretend like I don’t know something in order for someone else to answer a question.
8 ) I hate warm/hot weather and prefer cold and rain.
9) I still eat with my baby fork.
10) I can’t sleep/nap unless my feet are covered.

11) I am straight edged. Don’t drink, smoke or swear…and never have once in my life.
12) I don’t believe in religion, but don’t believe anyone has the right to say their beliefs are the only correct beliefs. Wish more people would think that way.
13) I am an insomniac.
14) I worked in call centers doing technical support for 8yrs.
15) I am diabetic
16) I have been in 5 movies as an actor. 2 of them feature films. 1 has had a cinematic release.
17) I hosted a tv show once a week for 2yrs.
18) My favourite sport is tennis. I have a good knowledge of records and history.
19) Lord of the Rings is my favourite movies of all time.
20) I have a massive Johnny Cash music collection.

21) I have never been in a real relationship. Except for that one English period in high school.
22) I lost my virginity when I was 29.
23) That was my only time.
24) I am attracted to exotic woman. Namely indian and asian.
25) I don’t believe in marriage, but would reconsider it for the right person.
26) I hate the phone.
27) Even though I don’t drink, I collect shot glasses. I always ask someone to bring me back one if they traveling overseas.
28) I am a die hard WWE fan, and am undoubtedly the most knowledgeable person in South Africa on it.
29) I collect trading cards. And sometimes trade with colleague’s sons.
30) I love reading, and buy books to store in my library till I feel like reading them one day.

31) I almost never return calls.
32) I am a ridiculously good poker player, but I only learned how to play a few years ago.
33) I am a Liverpool supporter.
34) I love musicals, as long as they are movies and tv shows.
35) I’ve never been to the theatre.
36) I have unbelievably quick reflexes.
37) I see “things”…some may call them spirits.
38) I am a trekkie.
39) I am a brilliant ten pin bowler, and could have taken it more seriously.
40) I have 7 tattoos. Each has a very personal meaning.

41) I have a dog. He does not have a name.
42) I collect movie merchandise and action figures (which I never open)
43) My all time favourite band is Aerosmith.
44) I love Bollywood movies.
45) I know I am a phenomenal writer, but lose faith in myself quickly.
46) I believe everyone deserves a second chance. But 3 strikes and you’re out.
47) My favourite actor is Johnny Depp.
48) I’m very athletic, and despite my size and weight surprise people.
49) I used to write my own comic books as a kid.
50) I have a cat. His name is Rang’a because he is a ginger cat.

51) I strangely still trust my primary school friends, even though I haven’t seen some of them in almost 20yrs
52) I’m the best person to have in a crisis situation.
53) I had a cancer scare last year.
54) I don’t have a best friend.
55) I have a hatred for the country I live in. This upsets a lot of people who don’t understand why. They also don’t get it if I explain.
56) I enjoy reading autobiographies.
57) I am on twitter @theburg
58) I’m the guy everyone opens up to about their problems. I take this as a compliment, but at times its too heavy a burden.
59) I don’t own my own car.
60) I am a coffee connoisseur.

61) I’ve developed a fear of crowds.
62) My favourite food is seafood. Throw it into a pasta, and I’m yours.
63) I broken my arm and ankle in my life.
64) I have a passion for old TV shows, especially old cop shows from the 70s and 80s.
65) I loathe practical jokes and prank phone calls.
66) I collect PEZ dispensers.
67) The last time I had any sort of physical “contact” with a girl was almost 4 years ago.
68) I have a weird need to buy plush toys if they ask me to.
69) When I like a girl I don’t see her in terms of her age, race, or religion, this almost always works against me.
70) I like old skool Disney movies.

71) Pam Grier was my first “african crush”.
72) I listen to most all music…yet cannot tolerate dance music.
73) I wish I had someone to talk to about my “day”.
74) I’m not afraid of anything in life anymore….well except for heights.
75) My radio station of choice is Lotus FM.
76) I have a dvd collection of over 3000.
77) The crime I hate the most is theft.
78) I have vertigo.
79) I do my best thinking when I drive.
80) I enjoy having milkshakes with people, but that hardly ever happens.

81) I am fascinated by Egyptology. I’m not sure if that’s an actual term though.
82) My top 5 wrestlers of all time are: Kurt Angle, Bret Hart, Mr Perfect Curt Hennig, Randy “Macho Man” Savage and Hulk Hogan.
83) When I was a kid, I had an alter ego of “Pencil Man”, I made my own costume and had an entire backstory.
84) If I go to the cinema, I always go to the late show so that I’m alone.
85) My all time favourite comedy is the British “The Office”.
86) Big bugs or masses of insects freak me out.
87) I secretly love cooking shows
88) I’m a VERY good dancer, but hardly ever dance.
89) I am observant to the world.
90) I have had a work crush at all my jobs.

91) I am unbelievably lucky in competitions.
92) I am equally unlucky in life.
93) I find something attractive in most all women. With a few exceptions.
94) Wes Anderson is my favourite film maker.
95) Gays guys are often attracted to me. I take it as a compliment.
96) I believe if you like someone, you should tell them.
97) I hate people who comment in the forums of online stories/columns. They are for the most part mean idiots without a backbone.
98) I don’t think ill ever be a parent, but I’m open to the possibility.
99) I am a romantic, and believe in the “epic gesture”…just like hollywood showed me.
100) I will live in New York one day. In fact, I started growing my beard on the day I got hijacked (july 15th 2010) and won’t shave it off till the day I arrive in NYC. Its now 16cm long.

So that’s its…feel like you know me better? Or did you just suffer a case of TMI.

The Burgies: And the Winner is…(Part 3)

March 13, 2011

And we’re back for the final part of this year’s 1st annual Burg’s World Awards where the most prestigious awards of the year continue to shock and surprise us.

However, due to time constraints, last night we handed out several award for technical achievements, please join us in congratulation the following award winners –

I Don’t Have The Guts To Ask You Out On A DATE Date Award – Kayan Amira Leung

If I Was Just A Little Bit Younger Award – Farah Barry

I’d Do Pretty Much Anything For You, Even Though You Don’t Know I Exist Award – Kriya Gangiah

You Might Actually Know More Than Me Award – Brennan Babb

Why’d You Have to Go And Get Married Award – Paula Fehrsen

The Impact Award For Outstanding Contributions – Susanne Weber

Best International Friend Award – Gordon Brown

*ad break*

Ladies and Gentlemen, please welcome our next presenter – Angelina Jolie.

Angelina Jolie – “Hello. There are millions of starving children all around the world, and we are spending time handing out these awards? For every winner tonight, I will adopt and African child…Ok, let’s get this over with. The nominees for the I’m Not So Secretly Attracted To You, And This Freaks You Out Award are”

Ika van der Vyver – There are few people I admire as much as this lady. A true icon in Burg’s World, she continues to set the trend for self empowerment as well as self improvement. How can that not be attractive to a guy? She is pure class.

Loshanee Moodaley – Beauty, ambition, wit and legs that kills. Yup, those boxes are all ticked. Which ironically are the same four boxes that put her WAY outta my league. But a man can dream…and most every night its of her.

Paula Fehrsen – multiple nominee already tonight, I keep thinking to myself….time machine…

Thamashni Naidoo – Gorgeous, pop culture savvy and sexy as hell. Her milkshake truly brings all the boys to the yard…and those boys would all beat the cr@p outta me before they let me close enough to every stand a chance.

Special write in entry Lori Jones – despite history, I will always think she was THE one. End of story.

And, the winner is…Loshanee Moodaley!!!

*ad break*

Please welcome your next presenter…Mel Gibson

Mel Gibson – “This is perhaps the creepiest category known to man….and if anyone knows anything about creepy…it’s me. Hey sugar tits, slow the prompter down so I can keep up. Here are the nominees for the I Know We’ve Never Met, But I Really Like You…A Lot Award

Farah Barry – she is so innocent it blows my mind. In a world where there is so much wrong, she brings a smile to my fave with the way she enjoys the simple things in life. I hope her view on life doesn’t change as she gets older, because she is a breath of fresh air in life.

Romi Moondi – In my dream world…she fits perfectly as the missing piece of my puzzle of perfection. Realistically she is the one person I will never meet in life, which I suppose is for the best as if we did…the world might explode.

Shaheema Barodien – People have told me that the only person I would ever be happy with, is a female version of myself. And hopefully she doesn’t read this and go jump in front of a buss, but she is the closest thing to the female version of myself. I have the utmost respect for her work, and like to poke and prod to test her tolerance, which I think annoys her immensely…but its like when someone pulls your pigtails in nursery school…

Aletia Naidoo – a mystery unto herself. This is what perhaps makes her to so attractive to me. There is so much I will never be able to understand about her, but so much I want to know. I hope I will get the time in this life or the next. Her beauty on the outside is matched only by the beauty of her soul.

Sheetal Magan – I watch her from a distance. Not literally of course…(that’s a different award), but her passion is a flame which will never be extinguished. The relationship she has with the people in her life is pure and honest, as she seems to be.

And the winner is…Shaheema Barodien!!!

*ad break*

Ok folks, here to present the final award of the evening is the man himself…The Burg!

Wow…what an evening it’s been. Thank you to everyone who has endulged me this evening. I love and appreciate having you all in my life no matter how close we are. There are those that don’t even know the impact they have had on me. We may not talk, or hang out, or even see eye to eye. But I am who I am because you are who you are.

Now I’d like to present the final award of the evening. …

The Burg Lifetime Achievement Award

Paul & Angelique Elliott – this two people have seen me at my worst, at my best and at my burgest. They have never judged, always offered a hand and a heart when I never knew how to ask. I am so happy that they seem to be happy in life, and the only reason I don’t know this for sure is because of my own laziness. I will make the effort to be a better friend to both of you.

Simone Ka-Ling Ho – Wow, so much has been said already. I mean every word of it, and now double so. I have turned down many an invite, and you still continue to be such a good friend to me. A lesser person would of walked away a long time ago. Of all the clouds up there in the sky, you are my favourite one.

Natasha & Stephen Prior – From boss, to tennis opponent, to friend. Two of my favourite people in the world. Supportive even at the darkest of times, they always seemed to have faith in me. Through my craziest comments, to my brutal honesty, they never once saw me as anything other than a friend. I cannot wait for you to come home. I need that energy.

And, the winner of the first ever Lifetime Achievement award is….Natasha & Stephen Prior!!!

That’s a wrap folks, congrats to all the winners, and thanks to my celeb friends for helping make this ceremony a success….see you again next year! Or whenever it seems appropriate to do this again.

See you at the Afterparty!

The Burgies: And the Winner is…(Part 2)

March 13, 2011

Welcome back to the 1st Annual Burg’s World Awards, it’s been a ceremony filled with celebrities and emotions. But we’re not done yet folks…so please welcome your next guest presenter…Jack Black!

Jack Black – “Alriiiight. So…the Burgies huh…its like being at the Rock n Roll hall of fame…you know…without the Rock…and there’s no actuall hall…and nobody here is really famous…I don’t really know any of these people here tonight…but Hey We Could Actually Be Good Friends If We Hung Out More… Not That We Will Award

Ashley Kleyhans – A man who like me, speaks his mind and expresses his opinion. We didn’t really know each other THAT well during our working together days, and truth be told I was probably a little intimidated by you. We have grown to become good friends who have a lot of mutual interests, and I thank you for taking the time and effort to engage in conversation and debate with me so often.

Warren Harding – Forget Tiger bloog…we have Puma blood. Someone I always got along with and enjoying spending time with. I’m glad we chat as much as we do now, and I hope we get to catch up when I’m next down in CT. A true gentleman.

Thamashni Naidoo – We only just scraped the surface of our friendship, but it felt like it was over before it began. Which is such a pity because I will always have that “What If…” feeling when thinking about you.

Jay Cee – Perhaps its your love of classic TV like me that earns you a nomination, but I think we have deeper understanding of each other as you know part of my live a lot of people never got to see. The tragedy that bonds us is something that bonds us.

Talita Mostert – If it wasn’t for that silly time difference…and the fact that you live on a different continent, I have no doubt we would be better friends. I hope that one day we get too see each other again, because you truly are one of the sweetest people I know.

And…the winner is …Warren Harding!!!

*ad break*

Please welcome to the stage your next host…Woody Allen.

Woody Allen – “Good evening everyone *adjusts glasses*…all these nominees are truly *adjusts glasses* capable of being world glass talents. Which is rare in Hollywood *adjusts glasses* as none of them are Jewish*. This is the Let’s Make a Movie Together Award

Jordan Shade – We had such great chemistry during our time together, and my greatest regret is that we only made a short film together…we need to expand to full feature sir. An accomplished actor who deserves more attention.

Roland Gaspar – Firstly, a hearty congrats on your wedding this weekend. Secondly…We need just one more film to complete our trilogy. Let’s make it happen. Slam Bang thank you mam.

Dan Ger Mac – This guy is so talented it’s scary. We need to work together soon. We have been promising it for years now, but our common love for Wes Anderson must stand for something in this crazy world…

Morne Du Toit – Whatever happened to this guy…I joke I joke…he’s doing more work than I could ever hope for. Another man I need to complete a trilogy with. Co-star and director…we need our third.

Sheetal Magan – Another true talent who needs a chance to shine. I wholeheartedly believe she will do something life changing in this world…I can only hope I will be part of it in some way.

And, the winner is…Dan Ger Mac!!!

*ad break*

*musical number

*ad break*

Ladies and Gentlemen, please welcome…Miley Cryus!

Miley Cyrus – “Hi ya’ll. I’m sure you’d all agree that tonight’s awards have been pretty cool. Wouldn’tcha? I’m here to present the In A Different Time, A Different Place, A Different World Award, and just a note to the winner…trust me…ya’ll really can have the best of both worlds!”

Romi Moondi – My muse. Pure and simple. This northern light is the only person on this planet who can pull me out a writer’s block with a simple word. For me, she is perfection. Beautiful and talented.

Paula Fehrsen – As I mentioned, a primary school friend. My greatest regret was in 1992, not being brave enough to come up and speak to you at the post office the year after we parted ways. I was at a low self confidence point. Two decades later I see you happily married with a beautiful child. I sometimes feel selfishly sad that its not me, but for the most part I’m happy that YOU’RE happy.

Leigh Lobotomy – If only I was a little cooler. That’s the truth. I get intimidated by the life you lead because I fear I would get eaten alive. I like to watch from a far I guess. I wish you nothing but happiness because you deserve the life that you want.

Kimberly Lloyd – An award winner already tonight, Ms Lloyd is my one and only Colt. I wish I was there, and more of a bad boy 😉 We have miles to go before we sleep though, I can promise you that!

Simon Williamson – If I swung that way, dude you would be my perfect choice. Sports mad, an amazing writer who is sharp as a tack and not afraid of controversies. Sign me up sailor!

And, the winner is…wow… we have a tie! Romi Moondi and Leigh Lobotomy!!!

*ad break*

Please welcome the one, the only….The cast of Friends!

Jennifer Anniston – “you know guys..i’m glad we were all able to have career after friends ended…I mean I had a number 1 movie”
Matt LeBlanc – “I’ve got a critically acclaimed new show called Episodes”
David Schwimmer – “…um..i got married”
Courtney Cox – “And I got separated”
Lisa Kudrow – “uh…you guys are all so successful, now I’m jealous!”
Matthew Perry – “Hey come now guys…Didn’t We Used to Be better friends than This?”

Brett Schewitz – I hope the fact that I told you I stopped following you on twitter hasn’t ruined our friendship. We are better than that. I know you’re a busy guy now, but time difference aside, I hope we chat again soon…

Claire Ullyett – An old school friend, and old colleague…we’ve seen a lot in our time, and truth me told, I don’t know nearly enough about your life and what you’re up to these days. I should have been a better friend.

Benita Enoch – And up and down friendship that has finally reached some sort of calm and understanding, our heated chats became more loving as time went by. I miss sharing things with you and hearing how your life and love is progressing.

Paul & Angelique Elliott – Two of my closest friends. I always feel somewhat guilty that I let you guys down during my downward spiral. There were times I felt ashamed of myself and couldn’t hang out with you because of that. I’m angry that I haven’t even seen your bouncing boy yet…I do hope I get enough energy back in my life to make a better effort to be your friend again.

Nabila Esat – I feel like we only friends when both of us are single. Am I wrong? I hope that it’s just me being paranoid, but I’m normally right about this things. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again. You have grown from a girl into a beautiful woman.

And, the winner is…Paul & Angelique Elliott!!!

*ad break*

Please welcome back… Charlie Sheen!

Charlie Sheen – “That’s right trolls I’m back! Every Warlock needs a good assistant who does everything for him…just like i did for that troll John Cryer on the set of Two and a Half Men, and what he didn’t appreciate was that Effort Goes A Long Way In My Book Award

Kayan Amira Leung – That smile could melt even the coldest of hearts, and at times mine is the coldest of the cold. While most people take my moods and just being moods, this lady is an absolute sweetheart, who has done what few people have ever done. Found my address and come to visit me with a box of muffins! (the doorway too my heart as we know)

Simone Ka-Ling Ho – A Burgies award winner already tonight. From the days of The Burgs Eye View Website and ICQ, this classy lady has stuck with me for longer than most people can tolerate. And now when I think books…I think you.

Susanne Weber – If im interested in something…she’s makes the effort to learn about it, do the research and be able to relate. She never pretends, she never makes excuses. She’s became such a regular in my life that I actually feel a bit empty when she’s not commenting or discussing something I’ve posted online!

Warren Harding – Showing a genuine interest in my life and the things I do. This is the guy who kept my farewell email sent out almost 6 years ago! I appreciate each and every minute you talk just to say “dude ‘sup”.

Russel Pieters – A Burgie award winner tonight already. I’m not really one to go out anymore, that’s just part of the hermit I’ve become, but I just wanted you to know that I’ve appreciated each and every invite you have extended my way. I’ve slowly allowed myself back into the world and your friendship has helped with that.

And, the winner is…Kayan Amira Leung!!!

*ad break*

Coming up next, who will take home the final 3 awards of the evening? Stay tuned for more surprises!