Posts Tagged ‘book’

Cut From The Heart: Episode 2 – The Knife Store Girl & The Magic 8 Ball

November 14, 2013

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I’ve always lived my life by the rule of random, or at least when it comes to meeting people I take a fancy to. And I know what you’re thinking…

“That’s just silly! Who still uses the word fancy!?”

And you’re right, it’s these sorts of old school words and mentality that make dating that little bit harder for me. However, there is just something wonderful about someone catching your eye and evoking the romantic in ones self.

One of the prime examples of this was…

Bonus Story #2: The Knife Store Girl

During one of my more sociable years circa 2002 I was actually spending a lot of time hanging out with friends, engaging in hobbies and actually enjoying the happenstance of life.

I had a very good friend that I did most everything with named Jared. Jared had somehow convinced me to take up kickboxing. Which is one of the things I still miss to this day. The class was quite varied and included a much younger crew as well, and therein lay another story I will share with you later down the line.

Jared and I shared a lot of common experiences when it came to women, so we always encouraged each other. Being the nice guys in the friends zone is slightly easier when there is a buddy waiting for you there.

One of our many outings involved a trip to an armory store in one of the major shopping centres called Sandton City. I tagged along with Jared and another friend as they were looking for some collectors knifes. As guys do I assume.

As we browsed through the display cases of weapons, the guys oohed and aahed as they perused through the vast selection of items designed to cut someone’s heart out.

Me on the other hand saw something just as effective to do that. The blonde who was working behind the counter at the ammo section.

Now yes, I’ve often said how blondes are not my thing, so maybe it was the allure of a guns and ammo type of girl that somehow made her appealing to me. Or perhaps I was simply envisioning what she may look like in a bikini firing a bazooka. I guess we will never know.

To my own credit, I am very good at spontaneous small talk and making people laugh, so it was easy to start a conversation with her.

Now if I remember correctly, we had actually ordered boxing gloves from the store for our kickboxing class, which meant we would have to come back to collect them the next week. Awesome! A second date!

When we returned a week later she wasn’t there, and I found myself feeling somewhat stood up, which led to a number of ridiculous, yet not unexpected, decisions.

I made numerous casual trips back to the mall over the next few days (riding out more fuel than I could afford as the shopping centre wasn’t exactly close) till eventually I bumped into her again.

This time, I actually had the guts to ask her out. Of course she said no, saying that she didn’t know anything about me. (Presumedly going out with someone is the WORST way to find out about them? Discuss).

Of course, that type of comment to me is like a red flag to a bull and it became my mission to let her know as much about me as possible.

So dejected, but inspired, I went home that evening and put together a list of 101 facts about myself. When I had finished, I read through the list with pride. It was funny, honest, emotional and pretty much exactly how I am in real life. This was a sure fire winner! No girl could resist giving a guy with these credentials a chance.

The next day, I made my way back to the store and lo and behold, she wasn’t there. Thankfully, she was just at lunch however and instead of waiting, I said I would just come back later. As I waited aimlessly in the shopping centre, I literally bumped into her in the food court. She was talking to some muscle bound guy who she introduced to me, he worked in another store in the centre. I grumbled something that probably sounded nothing like “nice to meet you”, and proceeded to give her the list, explaining that if she still didn’t want to give me a chance after that, then I’d stop, but if she did my contact details were written down. Of course, douchebag jones stood there with us the entire time. She replied with an awkward ok and took the letter. Which I’m not sure if she even ever read.

Days went by and I never heard a thing from her. The usual foolish panic of “did I write the correct phone number” started to go through my head as I stubbornly tried to justify that I still had a chance here.

Then came one of my now infamous ideas. The magic 8 ball idea.

The new plan was to go see her one more time, and let her ask the magic 8 ball if she should go out with me. It was charming and purely dependent on fate.

Jared and I spent the next weekend scouring shops for a magic 8 ball which proved to be impossible. So I gave up in the idea.

Then, the Tuesday evening after that – during our kickboxing training session, the 8 ball idea came up in conversation and one of the people in the class said she had one. Suddenly the idea was back on. I literally made her go home and fetch it.

As we sat waiting for her to return with the ball in the parking lot, I couldn’t help but be excited.
Best. Idea. Ever.

That next weekend, we set out one last time to win this girl’s heart.
Excited about my brilliant idea, I had all the confidence in the world.

When we got to the store she was busy, so we had to wait to see her. Tick tock, tick tock.
While we were waiting, douchebag jones suddenly arrived. And she told me that he was her boyfriend. It clearly wasn’t, but she had obviously called the guy to come pretend they were together so I would leave her alone. Ouch.

I never even got to unleash my magic 8 ball idea on her. I just walked out as the guy who finally got the hint. Double ouch.

As life would have it. I now work in that same shopping centre and walk past that store every day. Triple ouch.

Hey some guys collect knifes, I collect fragments of my broken heart.

Ps. I also now own two magic 8 balls, and became well known for it on a segment on a tv show I hosted where viewers would send in their questions for the ball to answer.

There is a funny irony to my life sometimes.

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Cut From The Heart: Episode 1 – The Pharmacy Girl

November 13, 2013

So unless you’ve been hiding under a rock, you probably have seen one of my hundreds of postings on social media announcing that I am finally releasing a book.

It’s been a lifelong work, and has sorta, although not completely, changed direction over the last few months.

While it is still autobiographical, the book combines the stories of my life, with the stories of my loves.

The book recalls 50 stories of love, romance and heartbreak taking place throughout my life while looking back at certain key moments that were going on at the time.

Amazingly, when putting the list of 50 stories together, I ended up with well over 50 stories. I’m not sure if that’s awesome or just plain depressing!

As a result, I was forced to cut certain stories from the book, and rather let those go to waste, I’d rather share them here on my blogs with you awesome readers. Each was cut for a different reason, but ultimately, they all have been important memories for me.

If you are on Facebook, I’d like to encourage you to go support my page at http://www.facebook.com/ShaunMyburgWrites as we build up to the release of my book.

So with that…I bring you:

Bonus story #1: The Pharmacy Girl

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There was a time when I used to receive so much mail that I was actually one of those people who required a PO Box in order to get all my mail…well, a hefty share of it at least. In about 2002/2003 mail theft was a massive problem and I lost so much that eventually certain vendors asked me to stop ordering from them as they couldn’t keep replacing my orders. Some times I used to receive empty envelopes in the postal box with the goods removed. Which was rather nice of the thieves as they could of just tossed the envelopes in the trash.

Anyways, the point of all that is, when I had to collect a registered or “too big for the box” item, I needed to go into the post office which shared a premises with the local chemist..or pharmacy …or drug store…depending on where in the world you live.

I was a ridiculously regular customer, so I was well known by the staff of both the pharmacy and the post office.

Since the post office section was at the back of the pharmacy, I always had to walk past one of the counters where a beautiful girl worked.

For months we would exchange smiles, with an occasional hello. In fact, if I had two parcels to collect, I would deliberately only fetch one so that I could go back the next day to see her.

Eventually I struck up a conversation with her pretending I needed something from the actual pharmacy. A pair of tweezers. Yup, after months of trying to think of a great opening line, I asked her where I could find a decent pair of tweezers.

This was about 10 years ago. And I kid you not, I still have that pair of tweezers, unopened in its packaging.

Lame or not, the ice had finally been broken. The raven haired beauty and I were becoming actual friends. So of course, the logical next step, was to order even more items online so that I could go to the post office even more often.

Then, I was given the chance to travel to the UK for the first time in my life, to visit my cousin and see some friends. Me being me, immediately thought, hey, I should ask pharmacy girl if she wants to come with. I checked with my cousin and he said since he would be working during the days I was there, that I should bring her so I have company. Fantastic!

The next time I saw her, I casually brought up my trip saying just the right things so that she would say “aw! That’s so cool, I wish I could go!”

And me…again, being me, said “so come with”…

Then of course came the double blow of “I’d need to clear it with my boyfriend first though.” Followed swiftly by, “I can’t believe you’re willing to pay for everything, that’s amazing!”

And YET AGAIN, me being me said, “sure don’t worry about anything”.

So while she cleared it with her boyfriend, and her family I raced to a travel agent and began doing enquiries about costs.

The next week, I had to go meet her parents, and boyfriend, so that they could see I was a genuine guy. What an awkward evening that was. Ironically the parents were pretty excited about it, I think looking back at it now, they saw me as this successful guy who could provide much better for their daughter than her mechanic boyfriend.

Then came the worst part! After her parents approved, (the boyfriend didn’t for the record), she said yes. And I said well, I’ll sort out everything.

Then I realized, after all this, I didn’t even know her last name! I made up a story about how I needed a copy of her ID to book the ticket, so at least was able to see her surname.

A few weeks of awkward planning followed, till about a month before we were supposed to leave. When I got the best worst news.

She had broken up with her boyfriend! I’d like to think it wasn’t over this, but hey, let’s be honest it most likely was.

I thought this could actually be an amazing time. Nothing bonds people like traveling! Right?

Of course, as is the theme of my life. 2 weeks before we were going to fly, she changed her mind. Citing she didn’t know me well enough, and just wasn’t comfortable doing this.

8 grand. That’s how much the ticket cost me. And here I was smiling back at her saying how sorry I was to hear she couldn’t make it anymore, but I could literally hear pieces of my heart falling to the floor.

Thankfully, i was able to get a portion of my money back, which eased the finances, but did nothing for how much my heart was hurting.

I went on a life changing trip to the UK in October of 2003, and when I returned a month later, I found out she had left her job at the pharmacy.

I closed down my PO Box…and never bought a tweezer again.

Vote for the title of my upcoming book!

November 10, 2013

Hi guys

I’ve finally narrowed down the choice of my book title to the final 5. But I need your help!
Please visit http://www.facebook.com/ShaunMyburgWrites and vote for your favorite!

As always thanks for the support
Burg