Posts Tagged ‘flashbacks’

Denied – A Detailed History of (Almost) Scoring

December 30, 2011

Warning: This blog may contain elements of inappropriate behaviour and content of a sexual nature. Reader’s discretion is advised.

You know the drill by now, I’m a single guy, who complains how everyone always sees him as a friend and nobody ever gives him a chance.

This all remains true. However, this does not mean I don’t have a history of, how shall we say…indiscretions?

The truth is, most all of my encounters with the opposite sex have been a case of close but no cigar. Some experiences have gone further than others, some have been a figment of my overworking imagination (in other words I hope for something that wasn’t there), but in the end, they have resulted in a similar long term outcome, the person on the other side has seemingly moved on to “the one”, or “the ones” in some cases. More commonly known as the Good Luck Chuck Effect.

I do want to remind you of a few things before you pass judgement.

I have openly stated on many occasions that I don’t believe in marriage, but respect those who do. I believe adults make adult decisions, and each person should be willing to accept responsibility for their actions.

With that, I’d like to share a few stories with you. I’ve obviously changed the names of those who I’ve crossed paths with over the years to prevent from hurting anyone.

There is a chance this may turn out to be a multiple part blog, but I will try update as quickly are possible…

Ready?

1) Story 8-1-25-12-5-25
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It was the new millennium and I had just started a new job, young single and up for anything. Or so I kept telling myself. I had had plenty work crushes before, but none that ever when further than an instant chat flirting session. This new job was miserable for few reasons, but I did have an unexpected encounter with a colleague.

She was an outspoken girl but a real sweetheart, and I could never really tell how serious her flirting with me was, because she was the kind of girl who was always hugging other guys in the office. Those are always confusing to me, especially since I’m not a hugger.

Anyways, over the months our flirting progressed to the point where were almost daring the other just to see how serious the other was. She went on about how she liked me more than a friend, but because of the work thing she didn’t want to take it further. I was cool with that, but then a suggestion was made that maybe we just needed to try spending time together away from the office.

We both lived far apart and our only common place seemed to be work, so that suggestion seems to fall away just as quickly. I innocently mentioned I lived 15 minutes away from the office, and we started joking about popping out for a lunchtime “quickie” just to satisfy our needs.

The joking soon turned into a negotiation… would people be suspicious if we went on lunch the same time? What could REALLY be done in a lunch break? Would it just be awkward afterwards?

These questions could only be answered one way.

We negotiated a day and time, nervously built up to that moment. With the day arrived we both came to work looking smart (why I don’t know, surely THAT would arise more suspicion?)

Eventually lunch time arrived! We set off in my car and made our way to my house, neither of us having a clue of what we actually expected or were prepared to do!

As we sat next to each other on the couch, like two teenagers we began awkwardly kissing and proceeded to fondle each other. Hey this was nice, but is this all we came here to do?

Then in a “what the heck” moment, she undid my pants and stuck her hand in my underwear. I kept thinking to myself “This sh!t just got real!”

I followed suit and slid off her top , and then her pants …then replicating what I’d seen in the movies, I proceeded to satisfy her orally. Clearly the movies I had learned this from were pornos. I seemingly did a pretty good job based on the moans and the look on her face…

She attempted to satisfy me in the same way, but didn’t quite get the job done (as good as it felt, I admittedly had one eye on the clock…I just didn’t realize which one eye).

Somewhat embarrassingly with both noted we better get back to the office, so we quickly got dressed, and hopped back into the car and drive back.

When we got back to the office, a somewhat suspicious boss asked us how was lunch…I instinctively said I had the chicken.

A few awkward days passed and we didn’t talk much about it, then at the end of that week she gave me a letter and said please read it at home.

The letter was in an envelope and written on the envelope were the words “The Friend”, and yup that’s exactly what the letter was about. She preferred to remain friends. I remember reading that letter in traffic and almost rear-ending the person in front of me because I wasn’t paying attention. Little did I know that was the only rear-ending that was to come of this experience.

Whatever happened to her? Well, shortly after that she got retrenched, and ending in a relationship with the cousin of a friend of mine, they got married and had a kid.

I’ve never seen her since…

2) Story 19-20-1-3-5-25
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There have been many time in my life where I’ve met someone who I can connect with on another level in terms of personality, humour, views on life etc. So it always saddens me when I do and then they suddenly disappear on me, only to resurface years later with a whole new life. This was such a story…

During my time in the magazine industry, I met some great people, and one of my favourite people I only got to know once I had left.

We had worked together briefly, and always gotten along, she had a breezy vibe about here, the sort of vibe that made you instantly at easy and comfortable.

We had both moved on from our jobs though, and just less than a year after I had left, we starting chatting again on Facebook, and decided hey, let’s meet up again.

I was a bit nervous about doing it because I was going through my hell year, and couldn’t really afford to wine and dine her or do anything too fancy.

Thankfully she was a pizza kinda of girl, which fit my non-existent budget to a tee.

I spent the whole day nervous about was this a date or not (as is common practice with me), and didn’t want to assume too much, but I really hoped it was one.

The hours of course took days to pass, but eventually our time arrived.

We met at a pizzeria just a few blogs up from my work, and as luck would have it, this was no ordinary pizzeria, it had tables and candlelight which screamed date to me.

She arrived and immediately greeted me with a comforting hug that was simply part of her breeziness.

The night passed all too quickly, but the conversation that night was revealing, intimate, honest and hopeful. I will never forget her last words of the conversation – “I can’t believe there has been this amazing, wonderful, honest person in front of me all this time”….

Oh yeah…being myself had finally paid off.

As night’s do, they come to an end, she kissed me goodbye and said we must definitely do this again soon.
Hell yeah! You don’t have to ask me twice.

If that was a date, it was pretty much a 10.

Then…. my attempts to setup a follow up were in vain, the excuses started slowly, till the point where any attempt I made to contact her were met with silence.

It seemed like she had disappeared completely…eventually I got the dreaded Facebook deletion.

How did I mess this one up?? I’m still not sure to this day.

A few years later she added me on Facebook again, this time, with a new surname and baby boy. She seems happy, so how can I be unhappy with that?

We chat occasionally…but not one mention has ever come of that night she had that amazing guy sitting right in front of her.

3) Story – 2-5-14-9-20-1
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Sometimes I look back at this story as the most confusing, mainly because of what happened afterwards.

I met this lady by pure chance, as it happened when I went to go drop off some dvds for someone who had bought them from me. As he brought me up to the office for chat, there was this girl sitting next to him who caught me attention immediately. It didn’t take long before the three of us were having a conversation and I felt myself attractive to everything about her. Me being smart gave her my business card and said hey, if there’s ever a cd you’re looking for i can try get it for you. (Working for a record label was still the best pick up line i’ve managed to have in my life).

The next day or so she mailed me, and asked if I was serious, which of course I was. This opened the door at least and we began emailing each other regularly to the point where my “hey let’s have coffee” line eventually came out. She accepted.

We met up a few nights later, and had a pleasant evening together, sharing some of our personal lives, and got to know each other as best we could. There always a weird underlying tension though which felt that we were always just the wrong line away from an argument.

Over the weeks that followed we eventually did have an argument because of our strong yet very different opinions on things (and yet i forget what the actual topic was).

Months later, we came into contact again, and just decided we had wasted so much not talking.

She invited me over to her place for lunch and a swim. I went, we had a great time, in the swimming pool of the complex we engaged in the usual “splashing fun” two people have in water, had a conversation with a drunk biker about the rules of the road, and genuinly had a good time. I don’t know if it was because she was soaking when (I had a thing for women glistening with water), or if it was just coincidence, but it was that moment where i knew I had genuine feelings for this girl. I didn’t know if she felt the same, because I saw no signs of it.

We went back to her place and changed, I had a shower (and secretely hoped she would walk in on me and shower too…damn those pornos).

Then the afternoon seems to come to an abrupt end.

Again a long while passed before we could actually see each other, she again invited me to her place, this time we had dinner, she treated me to nandos, and we sat together upstairs and watched a bollywood movie. It was simply a moment of pure bliss. We shared stories, joked and teased each other. As usual I didn’t know if I should make a move, but I didn’t want to ruin the evening, so didn’t even second guess not making move.

The evening ended, and that was the last time I saw her. There were many excuses why we didn’t meet up again, which left me ultimately hurt and confused.

Over time, I made my feelings to her clear, but this didn’t seem to make any difference. She seemed to be going through some personal issues, and eventually moved from Joburg back down to Durban.

When chatted again over the computer, where she revealed she had had feelings for me (which have obviously since been forgotten), but she had no intention of pursuing them, she said the day were went swimming she had invited me over to see if there was a spark between us.

I wasn’t angry with all these late revelations, I was just hurt that she said this when there was no way we would see each other again.

I tried in vain to try and make something of it, to try and convince her to give us a chance, but nothing. It just ended. I regret that we never kissed. Maybe that would of changed things. Maybe not.

We are facebook friends now, but thats the extent of whats left of the romance that never was.

4) Story – 18-15-2-9-14
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Ask any of my friends, I’m not really the party type, I very rarely go to gatherings or celebrations. It’s jus something I don’t feel comfortable doing anymore.

Back in the day however, I made the odd appearance at a braai (bbq) or birthday gathering, and this was one such occasion.

I went to a friends birthday braai, not really expecting to have a good time, even though he was the closest thing I have to a best friend, and I knew a lot of his friends, there was a always a chance I would make an excuse and leave early.

However to my surprise I ended up having a good type pretty quickly, and that was probably mostly due to the fact that I hit it off with his girlfriend’s neighbour. She was cute, fun and extremely young, yes three things I look for in a girl.

We chatted the whole time, and boy was I smooth, I even walked her home (yes next door), and managed to get her number.

That night we sms’d each other and quickly began flirting with her. I put on a pair and asked her out. To the movies, it was anything too hectic, but a nice way of spending time together.

The week after the braai, I drove out to fetch her, and of course as I arrived, my friend was leaving his girl friend’s house, he just laughed that laugh of his that pretty much says “busted!”

She invited me in to meet her parents, and her sister, and boy was it awkward, the parents barely responded to anything I said, and just spend their time staring at the movie that was playing on the TCM channel. I tried to make conversation about my knowledge of movies, but still no response.

Thankfully we didn’t stay too long. We headed out to the mall, and I gave her the choice of what movie she wanted to see, she wanted to watch Feddy vs Jason…(a girl picking a horror movie is normally a good sign, but all i could think of was – dammnit…I’ve already seen that).

The movie passed far too quickly, but we inevitably began holding hands during the movie, and didn’t let go for the rest of the night. This of course made going to the bathroom a bit awkward.

I didn’t plan on making a movie further than perhaps a goodnight kiss, but when we were driving home, I mentioned that I was due to film an episode of The Weakest Link the next day.

Just before we got to her house, she said to me, “Can I wish you luck for tomorrow?” of course I wasn’t going to turn that down.

We parked on the side of the ride a few blocks from her house and began to make out. It was very natural and very appealing, then she undid her bra, allowing me to put my magic hands to work. Her hands made their way to my gear stick, then she realized she had the wrong gear stick and proceeded to rub my other gear stick.

It was what we call a good session. We didn’t go too far but far enough to know there was an attraction.
I dropped her off and said good night, and we sms’d each other for the rest of the night.

The next day I filmed my episode of The Weakest Link, and the host asked me a question of “Shaun, I believe you’re single…why is that?”, I had the perfect response of “Well after last night maybe not, I had a date, a good date”…we all laughed, and I thought man, when that airs on TV its going to be a zinger.

The next day I sms’d the girl, and she didn’t reply, i tried again several times, and she eventually started replying with short sentences, finally saying we can’t see each other anymore.

Ergh…here we go again. She sorta eluded to the fact that her parents didn’t like me, which might have been true, I’ll never actually know. She was young, and maybe that played a factor.

For me though, it was just another unsolved mystery. I think she is now living in the UK, but I often wonder about her. Of course, when that episode of The Weakest Link aired…well that just hurt even more

5) Story – 16-5-1-18-12
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I haven’t kissed a lot of women in my life. This is true, but when I think of the best kiss I’ve ever had, this girl is by far the winner. Perhaps it’s because it’s something that should never have happened, perhaps it’s because it was a kiss that I wanted more than anything else, maybe my weakness for Indian women? or perhaps it was simply because it was just that damn good.

Many years before the kiss I had met this woman when her husband introduced us, we got along instantly, and I was immediately attracted to her. I’d never thought of pursuing anything with her of course, but she was always right up there what I daydreamed.

The years passed and we didnt’really see or talk to each other since for a long time, then through a common friend we got into touch again.

All the feelings I had for her instantly returned, we talked and flirted and I was happy I was able to make her feel wanted again. She has having some problems at home, and her husband himself had “made some poor choices”, she was angry at him, and was running low on self esteem. I by no mean’s took advantage of this, but I did make it clear how she deserved better, and deserved to be desired.

She was after all a… beautiful woman.

I was going through a rough time myself and was in a really bad place because of a variety of things. I had planned a road trip to disappear for a while, and it was going to start on my birthday.

She showed a lot of concern for me, and during our joking flirting she asked what I wanted for my birthday, I replied I just wanted a kiss from her. I didn’t know how my roadtrip would turn out, and I didn’t even know if I would come back from it, and the truth is, if I never kissed her, it would be my greatest regret.

To my surprise, she said she would like to give me that for my birthday, but for obvious reasons we needed a place to meet. Publically was too dangerous, her home was obviously out the question. She suggestion I come to her work for a “meeting”before I left for my road trip.

So on my birthday, I took my lunch break and drove to her work, this was the first time I’d seen her in a long time, and she was just as beautiful.

We went up to her office and she took me to a meeting room, where she locked the door, and said “well, happy birthday I guess”…

What proceeded was the single best kiss of my life, it was passionate, intense, a release of all our frustrations, but her lips so soft that its felt unreal…her minty breath was obviously the result of a lot of chewed gum, which made me smile to myself, I had done the same thing.

It ended all too shortly and all she could say was “Well, that’s officialy the first time I’ve cheated on my husband”… I guess I should of felt bad or guilty…but I didn’t. This was about me and her, nobody else.

We spoke awkwardly for a few minutes and then I left.
A day later I left on my roadtrip, thinking, well maybe I had something to come back for. I stayed in touch with her as much as I could during my abscence of 11 days, and she kept telling me how I must come back safely, and that she too had enjoyed the moment.

When I eventually came back, she immediately stopped talking to me, and ignored my emails. I guess she had felt too guilty about what happened. When we eventually made contact again, she was mean and cold towards me.

It hurt, bad. But what was I gonna do? Interfere with a marriage? a family? No. of course not, I respected that she wanted out, I just wish she had been adult enough to talk it out with me as we had before I left. I would not of made her feel guilty.

It was a beautiful passionate kiss shared between two people. There should be more of those moments in life, regardless of the circumstances.

We haven’t spoken for years, she has a new job and is closer to her family than ever before from what I can tell. Would I do that again? In a heartbeat.

6) Story – 2-18-9-7-9-20-20-5
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It seems a lot of my older stories somehow go back to the days of ICQ, as this next person I had also initially met a decade or so ago. In those days it was easy to just search for a female, 18-25, and strike up a conversation without any hidden agenda.

I was lucky enough to meet some pretty awesome people, some I still keep in touch with, and some such as this Queen B, have seemingly erased me from their existance.

She was based in Durban initially, and we had chatted for ages before we met up, she was the kind of girl who was as honest with her opinion on things as I was, I think that’s probably what stoked our friendship.

Things got even better when she got a job up in Johannesburg and decided to move up here, I couldn’t wait to see her in person for the first time.

I had also accidentally become friends with her sister, and seemingly chatted to her more often.

Finally the our schedules aligned and we decided to go to a movie together, you know to ease into things, that was perfect for me as I’m at my best when I have subject matter. The movie was Vin Diesel’s macho epic xXx.

As over the top as it was, we both had a nice time and decided to try and find a place to find coffee. Now, as this was in Midrand, there were no places open for coffee after 8pm, other than a Petrol Station…which I was willing to settle for.

She insisted we get some decent coffee and suggested I rather come back to her place. Which was a brave move on her part considering this was the first time we had actually met in person, but again, this was a different time.

We enjoyed said cup of coffee, and retreated to the couch where we put on the TV, and comfortable settled in snuggly next to each other.
The night was filled with playful teasing childlike sillyness as we “wrestled”over her hairclip…which was all a prelude to her comfortably laying against me on the coach, I began to massage her back and everything felt so natural…

We watched two movies on TV that night, in fact it was a Jim Belushi double feature…Made Men and Retroactive…two movies that make me think of her today still…

Again I didn’t have the balls to try and kiss her or anything, and about 3am she probably realized I wasn’t going to do it either, and suggested we call it a night, which I begrudgingly did.

I was worried that I’d blown it, but luckily a few weeks later, on 31 December 2001 she invited me around to enjoy a New Year’s Eve braai with her and her sister who was up from Durban.

We enjoyed some swimming (what is it with me and swimming with girls??), and the afternoon soon became evening, they invited me to come out with them to celebrate NYE, which I had little hesitation in accepting as I got to spend time with her, and hey, there was a chance of a New Year’s midnight Kiss!

I went with the two of them and her sister’s friend to a series of clubs as we up with even more of their friends, who were nice enough, as midnight struck at a club in Rivonia, we all hugged and kissed each other…standard fare I guess.
Then we proceeded to one of the friends house, where they all smoked some hubbly and I stood awkwardly in the kitchen with a bunch people I didn’t know as I watched her chatting with her friends, and her sister making out with a guy on the balcony.

For hours I stood there alone, thinking this wasn’t exactly what I had in mind.

The next days that passed, she stopped responding to my messages. Till eventually she disappeared completely.

For years I tried contacting her to find out what happened and why she didn’t respond to me…i asked her sister, and her sister was just as surprised as I was that she was ignoring me. From what I remember, she is now working in another country, and seems pretty happy.

I found her on Facebook, messaged her, she ignore me then blocked me.

Then about 8 years later, I was making my way through Cape Town airport and as I was rushing to catch my flight, I saw her and her family sitting by the check-in counter….and as if in slow motion, I watched her laughing and joking with them, and thought I couldn’t possible approach her.

I think about her every single day, wonder what went wrong 10 years ago today that made her not want to be my friend even.

ok guys, well, that’s the end of part 1. I have more stories, so let me know if you’d like to see a part 2 of this blog…

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Meeting Bret “The Hitman” Hart – Part 1: The back story…

July 10, 2011

It’s not easy being a Wrestling fan, even more so as an adult. But I’ve always proudly stood tall as a fan. Not just of the WWE, but wrestling overall. I’m easily the single biggest fan in South Africa, and for me its been a life long passion.

(If you still continue to argue I’m not the biggest fan click here for all the proof)

People always try and rile me into defending it, but I never get goaded into the arguments of the naysayers.

If you ask anyone who knows me well enough, they could probably share a wrestling related story with you. From the early Hogan days, right up to the current roster.

I’ve been a fan since 1986, and I’ve had many favourites over the years. I have a vast knowledge of the history of the business, and I have a memory that remembers ever moment, title change or significant piece of trivia.

Some people may share the stories about the oversized Bret “The Hitman” Hart t-shirt I used to wear as a kid. Or the pink pencil case (space case) I used to use in High School (and believe me it’s hard to justify pink when you’re a guy in High School)…but firmly stuck upon my pink pencil case were my stickers of Bret “The Hitman” Hart.

Noticing a pattern? Yup, my all time favourite superstar was Bret Hart. From the moment Bad New Brown turned on Hitman at the WrestleMania IV Battle Royal, and double crossed him only to have his trophy destroyed by Hart. I was hooked. In that moment Bret turned from “bad guy” to “good guy”/

Bret was one half of The Hart Foundation with brother-in-law Jim The Anvil Kneidhart, one of the greatest tag teams of all time. Back in those days, wrestling wasn’t on every day here in SA. And it was hard to keep track of storylines and matches. Especially since this was long before the invention of the internet. But I mad a plan. I have penpals across the globe who sent me tapes, I found magazines, I kept a scrapbook, I knew what was going on…albeit a few weeks late.

I bought merchandise with every cent I had. Everytime a wrestling video game came out, I was there to buy it on day of release, and of course, The Hitman was the first character I played with.

I had Bret Hart posters, flags, action figures everywhere! (and they still are!)

Wrestling was such a big part of my life that I always found solace in it. When my brother died, I remembered that Bret lost his brother Dean a few years before. When Bret’s brother Own tragically died, it was on the anniversary of my brother’s death. The Hart family went through so much loss and pain, similar to my family, that I felt even more connected to him as time went on. When I felt lost or angry with the world, the Hitman was there to show me how to keep going on.

When the WWE (WWF at the time), toured South Africa for the very first time in 1996, it was a very special moment for me. Leading the tour was Bret The Hitman Hart. He was the WWF champion and leader of the new generation. I did everything I could to try and find a way to meet him, but it never happened. I was however content in the fact that I got to see him in action.

The year that followed was a strange one. Bret went through an amazing feud with Stone Cold Steve Austin, that eventually led to Bret turning heel again (bad guy), and fans HATED him. The Hart foundation reformed, and they generated heat all through the US, but I still supported them.

Towards the end of 1997, Bret was involved in now infamous Montreal Screwjob, which lead to Bret leaving the WWF and headed for WCW.

Bret’s time in the WCW was miserable. And soon, thanks to more tragedy, including a career ending concussion thanks to that doofus Goldberg, Bret faded away into the history books, and stepped away from wrestling.

When I heard news of Bret’s stroke, my heart broke…but in typical Hitman style, he overcame that too. I always hoped he would come back in some way.

Bret swore he would never return to the WWE, and for over a decade the wrestling world was a lesser place without Bret in it.

My dreams of ever meeting my idol had all but faded into the distance…

Little did I know those fateful stars were only just beginning to align…

Happy Anniversary! (well. except for the happy part)

June 30, 2011

Anniversary is generally a term that’s used for celebration or a not so subtle reminder that an expensive gift is due. For people like me, the word is used several times a year for a more forlorn purpose.

I always hit a major funk during this second quarter of the year, in fact May, June and July in particular are heavy going.

In May it’s the anniversary of my brother’s death.
In June it’s my late dad’s birthday, and the anniversary of my cousin’s death.
In July it’s my brother’s birthday, and on the exact same day, the anniversary of my Gran’s death.

Sure there are more deaths and anniversaries spread out across the rest of the year, but for these three months, the world seems like one long cruel joke.

It seemingly gets more difficult as the years pass, I think particular because milestones start hitting.

Things like people being dead for longer than you knew them alive for. That’s always a hard one.

Sometimes for a split second I forget what my dad looks like, and that hurts a lot, of course I’ll never actually forget what he looks like, but for that brief moment I’m angry with myself.

I miss my Gran tremendously. She was always the rock that kept the extended family together. In truth I don’t really feel like I have any family anymore, apart from my mom of course. It sad, but it’s a reality. I maybe see certain family members once every few years, but there are no longer family gatherings like there used to be back in the day. True, we’ve all grown up now…well…those of us that are left.

My cousin’s death was a strange one. Particularly based on what the family went through with my brother’s suicide. There are perhaps more unanswered questions to his death than with my brother’s. I will always be thankful that I got to spend time with my cousin in New York. We all know about my desire to get back there. Andre was the only guy who saw how happy I was there and that for me it was perfect contentment. Nobody else has ever seen me that way. I miss him so much because he truly supported my dream and was proud of all my achievements. I’ve never felt anyone else being that proud of me,

I’ve been into detail about my brother’s death before, so I won’t touch on that now, but what I will say is that my brother’s death is what has put my life into the situation it is now. Both good and bad. I’m angry with him and always will be, but I don’t blame him for what he did. I understand, and I do feel him got the better deal outta all this.

Anyways…I know we all have our share of bad days. I guess in this case, it’s just best to fake a smile and waves boys….

A History of Girlfriends – Part 2: The High School Years

April 20, 2011

Well, I said I’d return with Part 2: The High School years…and I shall now share that with you.

In 1992, I entered high school with a personal life in tatters and a non existent love life. Little did I realize at that point, that was as good as it was going to get.

During the first few months, everyone was sorta feeling each other out, not literally of course, but there were no real cliques forming yet. Well except for those who had pre-existing friendships from Primary School.

Because I went to an out of town High School, I was one of only three people who came from my Primary school. They were both girls which meant I was fair game. A mysterious stranger who nobody really knew.

This worked in favour for…oh, about 1 month.

You see during my first few weeks I had a girl who liked me. Her name was Dee Dee. During English class she asked one of her friends to find out if I liked her. Which I did. She relayed the message, and we ended up “going out”. Awesome!

Just after English period we had second break, and when I went to go hang out with her, her friend told me she changed her mind. And we “broke up”.

That in a nutshell was my entire High School dating life.

My personal life got worse, and I lost complete confidence in asking anyone else out again.

I got along with all the girls, and was always fun to be around. I never actually had anyone like me back, and sorta just accepted that.

There was a younger girl who seemed interested in me once, I didn’t know her that well, so I convinced her my name was Carlos, and I was half Mexican. I think that went on for an entire term.

There were those I tried to get to know better, but for some reason I always tended to make things way too complicated in my head.

Another infamous moment…my matric Farewell. (or as the yanks call it – Prom)

You see, pretty much everyone had a partner, or willing cousin ready long before hand. But me, much like I am today, couldn’t find a single person to go with me. Everyone I wanted to ask already had a date…true I always set my sights too high, so I would never get Paula, Lana or Valanesse to go with me (three popular girls of our year). So the week before our Farewell, I literally walked up to someone I had never spoken to before and asked if she was free. She was a few years younger than me, but was a complete dear about the whole situation, and said sure why not. Her name was pronounced “shaan”…that’s right Shaun was taking Shaan to the dance. You could NOT make this stuff up.

The awkwardness continued through over the next few days, right up until I fetched her and met her parents. I think they actually felt sorry for me. But hey, I’d take a pity date over no date any day of the week.

The dance was pleasant enough…I have a photo to remember her by, but other than an awkward hello in the corridors, I don’t think we spoke again after that.

You know what I love about them High School girls? I get older, they stay the same age….yes they do…yes they do.

But yeah, that’s High School for you…part three will have some interest stories from my post High School dating life …if of course you want to hear it.

A History Of Girlfriends – Part 1: The Primary School Years

April 19, 2011

My previous blog was what the kids on the street call an epic failure, which is a damn shame because I felt it was good and original. I guess what it comes down to is that its just not something people care to read.

So I’ve decided to go back to basics. People seem to like hearing about something they can relate to. And what’s easier to relate to, than relationships!

I’d like to share with you my complete history of girlfriends…don’t worry, you’ll be done reading in 5 minutes.

I’ve always (and by always, I mean since this blog idea popped into my head earlier today), compared my resume of girlfriends to the Mel Brooks movie History of the World Part 1.

Its awkwardly funny, filled with innuendos, factually incorrect and had about a 90min running time.

I’ve mentioned before that I have a superb memory, but there may be certain inaccuracies here and there, which are simply a result of “the facts as I remember them”.

Now enough waffling, let’s get to the good stuff!

In primary school I was quite the stud, well as much of a stud as a 6-11yr old could be.

I was always getting Valentines cards, being flirted with at Saturday night birthday parties, and basically liked by the opposite sex. Probably for my maturity…and my skills at king stingers.

My first girlfriend came into my life in Grade 1. Her name was Gillian…yes, I’m going to name em and shame em!

I had many crushes during my early years, not unlike today, girls like Paula, Natalie, Claire, Kim…but Gillian was the girl I was brave enough to let know!

She was cute as a button, and we got on amazingly. Our junior love was the stuff of legends. Even both our parents were fond of the kids significant other.

Our first date was around Valentines Day, and we went to the ice rink with her Parental supervision of course. I’ll never forget when they came to pick me up from my house, she gave me a Snoopy mug with the slogan “you’re always on my mind” on it. (I still have that mug…and use it daily).

We were an item for a long time. And I never really had an interest in pursuing any other girls…and believe me we had some hotties!…again, as hot as 6-11yr olds can be.

However… As people get older they are influenced by many other factors when it comes to love. At that age, seeds can be planted from friends, family, status or moments in life.

Come standard 4, my life was a mess. With the loss of my dad, and a year before I lost my older brother, my priorities in life changed, and Gillian and I grew apart.

During that year, we went in a school tour to Cape Town. I grew really keen on a girl named Robyn. She was an athlete, had an older sister who knew my brother, and we had a mutual liking for one another.

During the tour, we snuck off to a friends hotel room…and kissed alone in the dark for 5 minutes! The irony was, a year or 2 before, it was at Robyn”s birthday party a few years before that Gillian and I had our first French kiss behind the wall of her house…although that evening turned bad for me because everyone threw each other in the pool…and when I got home after the party I got a beating for getting my shoes wet, but I try and remember it for the kiss…

Anyways, back to the hotel room.
The next day, as kids do, they can’t keep a secret, and during one of the bus rides, someone told Gillian about the kiss, and she slapped me there on the bus. I deserved it, and always felt bad about doing that to her…I wonder if she even remembers.

That also pretty much ended things between Robyn and I. From hero to zero I guess.

A year after primary school ended, Robyn and I got into contact and we trying going out on a date. My mom took us to see The Mighty Ducks.

We never really saw each other after that…but we did have a telephone conversation a few years later which featured the memorable line of “hey I see there is a sequel to the Mighty Ducks coming out”…I don’t think I got the hint.

I’ll be back with the High School years a lil’ later…

Tales From The Burgmobile: Part 1

April 14, 2011

Sure. The Burg is my driver….but we’ve never really seen it that way. To us, for the last four plus years, we’ve been best friends. We’ve seen it all, and been through more (a burgism he always likes to use).

In fact, its exactly 4 years ago today that the two of us embarked on the first of what would be a series of adventures.

You see, when we were assigned as partners…it wasn’t just a job for us. We both had a spirit of adventure, and of course, a heightened sense of drama.

Back then, the roads were a different place for The Burg. They were just a means to get somewhere, but together, being on the roads gave us both meaning. If I may, I’d like to share a few stories with you all.

Of course I can’t share EVERYTHING with you…because Burg would probably get fired…and I’d end up on the scrap heap.

As I mentioned, our first trip together was 1 year ago. We headed from Johannesburg to Sun City for our first ever SAMA awards. Burg was in a bad way then. He had no money and was in a bad depression. I felt bad for the guy…I was also worried about my own safety to be honest. We got hopelessly lost that evening as we made our way. Neither of us really knew how to get there, so we ended up seeing a bit more of the neighboring towns than we originally wanted to hehe. Burg had to deal with some demons that weekend, and I’m happy to say we both survived it. For three more years after that we did the annual trip there. In fact, one year he even brought someone along. That was the start of the end for that friendship. I think Burg still misses that friend, but he tries to act like he doesn’t…because it still hurts. This year it was announced that the venue was changing, but I think we’ll always have fond memories of that annual excursion. I know I will. Lord knows he needed that annual getaway.

Burg’s a crazy cat, but his heart has always been in the right place. I see a side of him a lot of others don’t. He cares so much for people, that why when he get his heart broken, it drives him to the point of insanity. He just loses so much faith in the world.

I remember when a girl he really liked, and I mean REALLY liked decided she didn’t want to pursue anything with him. It hurt him bad. I took them to a lot of functions, and I saw how he genuinely loved her. She was the one. They got on great and I thought maybe this time it would actually work out. He took a lot of pain out of that “relationship”. He yearned for her, her touch, her attention. He never wanted to give up. Many a days he drove him in tears, but would never let anyone see him that way. When they finally stopped seeing each other…he was lost. This was where he went through his little emo face. Which to be fair, looked good on him hehe.

He was filming a short film at the time and had a role as a “mean looking guy”, perfectly suited. Anyways, one of the days he got his filming day wrong and only realized it while he was on the way to the location. Never one to let a good day out go to waste, he made a spur of the moment decision to take us to the beach. He had the idea of writing the name of the girl he was pining for’s name in the sand and watching the ocean wash it away. This would be such a bad decision except that the nearest beach was 7 hours away. And he had never driven there before…and it was 10am in the morning. He had his video camera with him and filmed the entire trip down. In fact, all videos are still on Youtube if I remember.

The most amazing part of it was, we drown all this time and he simply walked onto the beach, wrote the name, watched it wash away, and got back in the car, and we drove right back. It’s the most amazing experience, and boy was it scary being on those dark rainy road with trucks carrying logs swerving all over the place…but certainly wouldn’t be the craziest thing he did. That was to come a few months later.

We’ve had so many good memories. Of course every one is balanced by an equally sad story. In the early days, I had to take him to pawn shops as he sold off everything he owned just to survive and take care of his mom. That took its toll on him. That’s why it was an absolute pleasure to take him shopping when he can into some luch. And boy can the kid and his mom shop! We went everywhere! Every bit of space I had was packed to the brim with stuff. From dvds to furniture. Hahaha, I remember the two of them actually holding stuff on the roof just to get it home.

I’ve just got to go put in some petrol (or gas to those American readers out there)…but I’ll be back with some more stories about The Burg and The Burgmobile you won’t wanna miss….

What’s in a name? Well it depends how it’s spelt…

March 9, 2011

It’s safe to say I’m getting progressively crankier in my old age…I don’t deny this. There are a lot of day to day things that irritate me…some more than others, but there is one thing that never fails to get me seething just at the mere sight of it.

My name is Shaun Myburg. (Burg to my friends.)

I’ve always had a big problem with my name being spelt wrong. The most common mistake is Shaun being spelt wrong…or an extra “h” being thrown onto the end of my surname…when people assume I’m Afrikaans.

Sure it happens. It’s no big deal right?

Well, when your entire career (and future career) depends on the cachet of you name…it’s darn important.

Ever since I was a kid, I was lucky enough win competitions on a regular basis, which by proxy, meant my name appeared in magazines or newspapers for the whole country to see. I loved that feeling of seeing my name “in lights”…it always just felt right.

It was a naturally stepping stone for my name being on a byline or in film and TV credits. I was a star in the making…ok…ego aside, who doesn’t get a rush from seeing their name in print? After all, that’s why we all Google ourselves these days.

That being said…every time there was a misprint of my name in the paper, it was equally there for the world to see…

A double edged sword if any.

All through school, when certificates were handed out I loved seeing my name spelt in that almost-old-English-font for achievement in this or that. I cleaned house in primary school with certificates, but as High School came around and my personal life took a tumble, the certificates stopped coming.

In fact, through my 5 years of High School, there was only one certificate I ever got…however it was a big one.

You see, I had the pretty remarkable record of never missing a single day of school. EVER. Despite everything I went through, I always went to school.

So come the end on my 12 year schooling career, I was to be acknowledged for a PERFECT attendance record. Some may be impressed, and others may think it’s the nerdiest thing ever…well newsflash, there were only two of us who got that certificate, and neither of us were anywhere close to nerds.

At the awards evening, when my name was called, it was all slow motion as I walked up on stage to receive this mark of achievement. In my head there was a standing ovation, there were people chanting my name and there was a beautiful girl awaiting to hand me my award. Of course, none of those existed in reality, but there was that piece of paper that made it all worth it.

I collected it, flashed my million dollar smile to the paparazzi and made my way back to my seat.

Then it all came crashing down as I noticed not just my first name, but also my last name were spelt wrong on the certificate.

So my 12 years of schooling is perfectly captured in that incorrectly spelt certificate.

The years that followed had their moments of frustration.

Like this one time when I was working at a computer expo for my late cousin, and the name tag they had printed out for me read

Shawn Mabuna

Every person who came to my stand asked my about my strange surname (especially for a white guy living in South Africa…). Of course I spend the whole time explaining it was a major typo instead of actually getting any business for our company.

As I entered the corporate world, things became even more tense.

From computer login names to my email address, EVERY first day was met with an incorrect spelling of something or the other.

On the first day I starting working at one call centre, they had a digital display board that not just had the stats of how many calls were answered, holding and dropped, but also a welcome message for the new staff…which would have been cool if it didn’t read: “Welcome to new staff members Sahun Myburg”….I was called Sahun for the rest of that day.

When my film, TV and print career eventually took flight, I became even more pedantic about having my name spelt right. This was easier to manage as it’s an expected concern within these fields. And thank you lordy lord, my name is correctly spelt on IMDB!

In my current job, I’ve been here for 5 years, so there’s really no excuse for spelling my name wrong in emails.

It still happens though.
I hate it, and speak up about it, which probably makes people think “geez, relax guy its just a typo”…but after working with someone with 5 years, there’s really no excuse to spelling their name wrong in an email or document…right?

I’m very protective over my name…because one day I do believe it will be a brand. It may just be a pipe dream…but it’s really my most valued asset.

Burgsworld: The Essential Collection – Part 2: The Weird, Whacky And Wise!

February 24, 2011

By the time this blog has been posted, I will have achieved an amazing personal milestone on Burgsworld of 75, 000 views! It’s something I’m very proud of. Sure, most people stumbled across this site by accident, but there are so many loyal readers I’m immensely honored to have visit here on a regular basis.

That’s why now felt like the right time do this retrospective blog.

Today’s “best of” features my best select of the weird and whacky blogs that provide not just the highest traffic to the site, but also helped people understand my humour and creativity. With mostly positive comments and feedback, these provide a true thumbs up collection.

Part 2: The Weird, Whacky And Wise!

The Burg List – 101 Things to Do Before I Expire

Everybody has a bucket list. I, naturally have a Burg List. From the awkwardly honest, to the crazy person goal, to the most outlandish of needs, this list personified what I want to do in life, and made a lot of people blush along the way. If you can help with any…you know where to find me.

The Man Crush

Responsibly for almost a third of my total hits, The Man Crush blog got a huge boost of traffic thanks to the controversies that surround the like of Adam Lambert and Kevin Smith’s airline fiasco. It was just the right blog up at the right time. One of the favourites amongst readers, even those guys who thought me just a tad gayer for writing it.

Seinfeld: The Lost Episode (Part 1)

I went through a phase of what like to call “pop-pseudo-reality”, where I took real life situations going on in my life at that time, and turn them into “fan fiction” pieces of writing around Pop culture.

Scrubs: The Lost Episode

Another beloved blog, that captured the magic of real life love troubles with the quirkiness of an episode of Scrubs.

24: The Lost Episode (based on actual events)

Never before has asking someone you like to the Christmas party been so life threatening. An akward situation turned into an episode of 24.

The Pact!

If we’re both single in 5 years….let’s reread this blog.

Dear Hawk Girl…

An open letter to a member of the Justice League of America? Or a declaration of love? Why should we have to choose.

There’s this guy who works at my BlockBusters…

There are few people I hate in this world…but the guy who works at my Blockbusters is at the very top of that list. Another fan favourite blog.

Dear New York…

An very personal letter to the REAL love of my life….

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Those are my picks for my quirkiest and more out there blogs…A bit of fantasy, a lot of humour but always 100% honest. Where there any blogs you feel I left off this list?

Lemme know!

Burgsworld: The Essential Collection – Part 1: Rants & Opinions

February 23, 2011

My original plan for my 100th blog was going to be a retrospect of my 10 favourite blogs over the last two years.

That failed to happen for a number of reasons, mainly that I couldn’t choose between so many important blogs, but the idea sorta evolved, and whilst I’m working on the draft for my book, I realized that my blogs could easily be used to tell my “story”.

What I’d like to share you now is a retrospective of what I’ve written, how the blogs came about, what the aftershocks were and a few other fun facts.

They are not in any sort of chronological order, but will be something that will benefit new readers to my blog who don’t know where to start, as well as those who maybe missed something, or would like to revisit a blog they last read ages ago.

This will be a three part retrospective piece broken into different “categories” for lack of a better term

I proudly present to you – Burgsworld: The Essential Collection.

Part 1: Rants & Opinions columns

You know what I Hate? (The 3rd in a series)

I’ve always had a phobia about public toilets, and a severe case of “stage fright”, combined it made a perfect entry into my You Know What I Hate Series.


You know what I hate…(the 2nd in a series)

Driving on our roads is dangerous enough, but through in our street vendors and you have a new entry into this series.

Not that there’s anything wrong with that…
Am I gay? Or just a nice guy? Throw in a strip club story and I’ll tell you…

Did I ever tell you about…
Ever heard the same story one too many times? I have…

Me & My Mug – A Love Story
The blog that made me a global phenomenon, got featured on the WordPress homepage, and turning me into the third fastest growing blog on WordPress, Ladies and Gentlemen – the blog you want to be turned into a movie.

Movies Ruined My View On Life
I hate movies, but only because I love them.

10 Reasons I Hate Going to The Movie Theatre-Slash-Cinema
There are many reasons I avoid going to the cinema, but you only need to know 10.


Alexander Graham Bell Ruined My Life

I hate the telephone, and now you know why.

Five Rules To Surviving An Office Kitchen
Another one of those blogs that everyone can related to. Yet nobody seems to do anything about.

5 Reasons I hate South Africa & South Africans
This is the blog that almost turned me off writing forever. In fact no blog has stirred up as much emotion, hatred and debate as much as this piece, which is ironic as I still haven’t actually finished it. The comments continue on a daily basis.

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So that’s Part 1, What do you all think? Any favourites? Any blog you feel should be revisted or expanded upon?

How To Leave A Job – The Burg Way (Part 2)

February 17, 2011

When we last left our hero, he was wallowing in unemployment for around 8 months in 2004. The odd job here and there, (working as extras on well known TV shows and adverts) but nothing permanent and certainly nothing that brought in nearly enough money to survive. Remember the stale ice cream cones for dinner period? Well, the journey was certainly epic, but a change of career was on the horizon.

After getting booted out of a career in IT, I took this time to really go for what I wanted, I wanted to be a writer, I wanted to be in media and most certainly I wanted The Burg to truly become a brand.

I lost a lot of friends during this period as my resistance to starting from the bottom working in a call centre ever again was met with criticism and anger.

I begged, borrowed and sold to survive, repercussion of which I still feel today.

During mid 2004 I worked on a reality show and met some important people who helped me show my worth. It was a contract job that allowed me to be a writer for a website. (In my interview, when asked how much I was looking for, I replied “I would even work for a bucket of chicken”…this got me the job). For 3 months I lived the dream, I was writing, I got “The Burg” attention, I developed a character – who was pretty much an extension of myself, I got massive exposure, I was on TV and eventually when the 3 months was up I had succeeded in making a name for myself.

I was offered a role as a weekly TV show presenter for text to TV chat show, which I embraced, and despite what may come out later in this blog – will always truly be thankful and appreciative for the gentleman who gave me this opportunity and effective stated the ball rolling on “The Burg” that you all know and love today. (or love to hate).

Come the close of 2004 I was desperate for more permanent work. Things at home were at there worst, I had debtors knocking on my door, even cars parked outside my house waiting to serve me with summons for accounts. I had to do something.

I made the heartbreaking decision to give up the dream and go back to IT.

Another Call centre…I forget the name anyways -> Beat Magazine (Circa 2005)

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An old friend of mind (who put up with a lot of miserable crappola from me), organized an interview for me with the company that was essentially the evolution of my first job at Micon. I got the job. Duh. Even being way over qualified, I started at the bottom and committed myself to the job, even though my heart was never, and would never, be in it.

A few weeks later I got the break I had been looking for, a position with Beat magazine, SA’s newest entertainment gossip magazine had opened up. I organized an interview for late in the day so I could shoot through after my call centre job and interview for it. The interview went OK, and for once my nerves and desperation probably got the better of me.

A few days later I got the call from Beat magazine. I didn’t get the position I applied for. I was crushed. For a few seconds at least, because during the conversation I was offered another role – that of a TV writer for the magazine. DREAM JOB ALERT! I accepted without hesitation, and the only problem was they wanted me to start the next day. Uh oh…tricky.

The next day I explained what had happened to my old friend and boss, and thanked him for what he did for me and explained this was what I had been working for my whole life. I knew he understood, but was disappointed that I had let him down after he went to bat for me. The company insisted that I work my 30 days notice first…and being a 24 hour call centre I cleverly organized to work grave yard shift. So basically I worked grave yard shift, raced home at about 7am, freshened up and went to my new job at Beat Magazine. Put in a full day of learning, when home, freshened up, and then went to my evening job at the call centre.

On top of this, I was still hosting a TV show twice a week, which thankfully both jobs allowed me to do. (of course neither job knew I was working for the other)

This lasted for a few weeks before they eventually allowed (read: asked) me to leave. Of course at this point I was a zombie, but living the dream.

Beat -> Always Look Up/ N-Net (Circa 2006)
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Officially starting in February of 2005 I spent a wonderful year at Beat magazine, and it was by far the best year of my life. Despite increasing personal issues and playing catch up financially, I gave EVERYTHING to the job. I was happy career wise. I met so many people, made so many contacts and met the people who would shape my life.

After that year however, the reality that I needed more money played on my mind heavily.

Eventually my bosses from the TV show made me an offer to come on board permanently, and while the financial offer they made me was never great, it was enough not want to turn down (plus it was more than that bucket of chicken I never got). Plus I always felt I owed them for giving me my start. I had clashed with one of the bosses fairly often during my time on the reality show and the TV show, and I always worried that this would be magnified if I worked permanently with him.

I explained this to my boss at Beat magazine and said I didn’t want to leave, but I just couldn’t say no to the money. To their credit Beat magazine tried to put together a counter offer, which simply wasn’t enough. With tears flowing I turned it down and handed in my resignation…

It broke my heart to leave Beat, and its one the biggest regrets I have in my life, but it was a necessary action to get me where I am today.

My farewell email is considered EPIC, and is completely honest and heartfelt.. I’d like to share it with you, if I may. (excuse the horrendous spelling and grammar…i was young)

Always Look Up/ N-net-> Pony Music Circa (2006…also)
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I joined the company on a full time basis in March of 2006.

The first few days were great! I was treated with respect; I had a nice reputation with my coworkers because of “The Burg” and all he had accomplished. But soon enough things changed.

What followed was the worst 6 months of my life.

Essentially I had three bosses.

One who truly believed in me and the potential of The Burg as a character, and I would work for/with him again in a heartbeat.

One who had all my respect and while firm with me, allowed me many opportunities.

The third, became the man I clashed with on a near daily basis. Perhaps some justified, and some just purely ridiculous.

Once I wore track pants to work. I got pulled aside and told I was being disrespectful and hadn’t earned the right to wear track suit pants to work and to never do it again.

Another time I got up to got to the vending machine…my boss ran after me and told me that can’t I see everyone else is plugging away working hard and I should do the same.

A third time, after a miscommunication in an email I was dragged out into the courtyard and humiliated, sworn at and lambasted. I later got an apology. But by then I was seen as the rebel. The one guy who stood up to the powers that be. I never did this deliberately, it just sorta came with “being me”

I was eventually suspended from my TV show due to a few mistakes of letting certain messages deemed “inappropriate” on air. Of course this was likely just a way of working me off air. It was ok though, while I loved what I did I at peace that I had done all I could with the show, and was happy for someone else to get the chance.

When I was given creative freedom, I shined, but ultimately I was held on a leash and used as example for anyone who tried to be an individual – which I was and always will be.

After handing in my resignation (for a second time in six months), I was told that I would never make it out there without them.

On a side note, during my time with Beat magazine, I had made friends with a famous local idols judge who worked for a music company. At the end of one of the Idols competitions, I wrote him a letter saying “I will work for you one day”. During my time at Never Look Up, he contacted me and said there was something opening up he thought I would be perfect for, nothing however had been finalized until two weeks into my resignation period, so I took a massive chance by quitting my job after only 6 months.

My resignation was kept quiet for a while, and eventually I was told they needed the space and I was welcome to work my last month from home.

The funniest/saddest story out of all this, and I’m sure this may upset a lot of people for revealing this, but on my last Friday there, me and a few of my close allies wondered if there would be farewell drinks for me. Well, thanks to some ingenious trickery and computer hacking, we were able to find out more than we should of. There were indeed drinks for me, except I wasn’t invited. The email was sent to a few key people who would be meeting up after work, I just happened to have been excluded on that list. A final slap in the face after 6 months of regret.

So after being told that I would never make it out there without them, the very next day after being told I could work from home…I started at Pony Music.

The Here and Now (Circa 2011)
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I have now been here for 5 years, and will NEVER leave for another local company.
My time here has saved my life, its allowed me to fix my personal problems, recover from my financial woes, and even given me the freedom to film a few movies on the side. I found a home within Pony Music.

The day I leave here will be for overseas. Which you all know is what I’m pushing for big time now, and I do very much see this as my final here.

But this decade plus long journey has had its ups and downs, its bad decisions and good.
I have made and lost many friends.

In the end however…this is all the journey to where i am meant to be…