It’s not often I taken the time to write a blog dedicated to someone in particular, but then again its not often I write these days either.
During my self imposed sabbatical over the last few months, I’ve sat back and watched everyone do the things I’ve dreamed of.
It seems like everyone has become a writer. Everyone has travelled (specifically to New York!), and it seems everyone has found love or contentment.
As I struggle more and more with making it through life, and as an overwhelming sense of sadness continues to engulf me, it becomes harder and harder to find things that make me feel good, or more so, inspired.
At times I feel like the forgotten. The guy that everyone only thinks about when something bad happens to me.
Of course, deep down, I know it’s not true. Still I am constantly searching for some form of happiness.
When I wake up each morning, I think of a reason to put in an effort in this world. It’s pretty hard
some most days, but when I’m in doubt, or when there is simply no clear reason, I think of this girl that inspires me.
I’ve never met her, but for some reason I was drawn to her …through so many twisting roads I stumbled across just to get to her.
Of course the knee jerk reaction is that this is just another one of my absurd crushes. And yes, on some level it probably is.
When I come online in the day, the first thing I do is try and see if she is online. When she is, I spend the next hour trying to think of something cool and breezy to say to her just to engage in conversation. Some days I simply just chicken out as I know I could never make her day as she makes mine.
She is beautiful in so many ways. Stunningly gorgeous, talented, witty as all hell, smart… you know…everything that makes her way outta my league.
Her way of life and more importantly the way she views the world, gives me hope in a hopeless world. I follow her career from afar and support every decision she makes – not that she needs it.
I don’t think she will ever realize how much of an impact she has on me, dare I say she probably doesn’t give me a second thought. My reverse ego wouldn’t even entertain that thought for a nano second.
This is sorta turning into a love letter to her isn’t’ it? Whether she ever reads it of course is something only she can decide.
I love the fact the people like her exist in this world. However, for her I’m sure she finds all of the above is someone completely different to myself.
She embodies the words I have tattooed on my arms – Dream.Desire.
Do I wish there could ever be something between us? Of course, that’s why it’s called Desire. Then again…that’s why it’s called a Dream.
As time passes I’m sure we will go our separate ways, but as that saying goes, sometimes in life you just gotta take a moment to stop and look at the scenery.
That is the saying right?