Posts Tagged ‘heartache’

Cut From The Heart: Episode 9 – The Call Centre Girl in the Heels and The Black Dress

November 21, 2013

Well, this is it…my final deleted story from my upcoming book. And to be fair, this was a very hard decision to cut from the stories. I really battled with the decision, because I felt when compared to the other stories, it really felt like it held up strong enough to form part of my story. But in the end one more needed to be cut, and this unfortunately got eliminated.

So here is:

Bonus Story # 9 – The Call Centre Girl in The Heels and Black Dress
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The story has become a bit of a running joke between a friend and I because it’s one of those that probably made sense to begin with, and just as fittingly had an equally nonsensical ending to it.

My book details my career quite well, but for the purpose of this story, what important to know is in 2004 I made the break from the IT industry into the entertainment industry. However, I made an unexpected return to the IT industry in January of 2005.

It lasted all of a month, before I suddenly quit to take up a dream job writing for a well-known magazine.  That month was a very low point for me mentally as I felt I had failed in my quest to change my life around.

Being back in the call centre was different this time round. I didn’t really bond with anyone,  even though I was good at the job I had zero interest in doing it.

There was one perk however…there was a cute Indian girl who worked there who I was attracted to.  She came to visit our section quite often, and because of low self-confidence, I was never able to really be my charming self (and we know what a huge success rate I have when I’m confident).

I remember one lunch time sitting outside with the younger guys and they were talking about the girls in the office. One guy spoke about the girl I liked and began to list the problems with skinny girls, which mostly related to uncomfortable sexual position.  What am I doing here with these idiots I thought to myself.

When the job with the magazine came up, I was told I had the job…if I could literally start the next day. I explained the situation to my manager (who was my friend as well, so that made me feel extremely guilty), but he understood it was a dream job for me.

However, I had to work in my months’ notice. Which, I did. So for a month I worked the graveyard shift at the call centre, went home to freshen up, and then raced to try and make it to my new job on time.

Part of my role there, was to cover industry events during the day and evening.

So effectively, my schedule was, work 9-5, cover events in the evening, go work the graveyard shift, home for about an hour and then repeat.

Of course, this meant I didn’t get to see the girl who I liked. However, I managed to get her number and we began texting each other.

There seemed to be some sort of interest from her side, which gave me a bit of hope. So when an awards function came up, (The Channel O African Music Awards), I thought this was the perfect opportunity to ask her out.

Much to my surprise (and absolute fear) she said yes.

The night of the awards came up, and I went to go and fetch her, ironically from the same building I was working just a few weeks prior to that. When I picked her up, we ran into my friend who just laughed when he saw us together.  (I know right, what is it with friends laughing at me when I fetch a girl?)

I drove her home so she could get ready for the evening (it was a bit of a glam do, so she wanted to put in the effort, which I really appreciated).

As I waited for her in the living room, I found myself surround by a rather large Indian family and an even larger awkward silence. I sat there in my long black jacket looking as uncomfortable as this all sounds.

She eventually came out to rescue me, and she looked amazing in her heels and elegant black dress.

Thankfully the conversation seemed to come easy, and we got to know each other quite a bit and she found my jokes to be rather entertaining. I even braved holding her hand as we made our way to through the social scene. And for me, there is nothing better than holding a pretty girls hand. For me it’s about the simple things in life, and if I’m being honest. It’s the one thing that hurts me even today – that I don’t have someone to even hold hands with.  Every day when I see couples holding hands, I feel a great sense of sadness and loneliness overwhelms me. This happens at least once a day.

The evening went so well, that I couldn’t help but feel a sense of excitement for the potential of where it could go.

I made a seemingly good impression, and having some of my musician friends come up and greet me and my date just added to good impression.

She even got a goodie bag. I took her home and we hugged and kissed goodbye (relax guys, just a peck)

Now that’s a date I thought.

The next day I texted her to say thanks for the good evening and we should do it again. She agreed.

Then…suddenly…she began to avoid me.  Invites to other outings went unanswered. Not even as much as “sorry I’m busy”.

This is where the awkwardness began. Without reasoning, how does one know when to stop making a fool of one’s self.

Eventually I just stopped messaging her, as it seemed like that’s what she wanted.

Then about year later, I mailed out a joke wedding invite to a bunch of select people, one of which was her, (yup, THAT story is covered in my book), and she replied with the friendliest email in the world asking me how I am and we must catch up sometime.

So I replied with sure, let’s do lunch. Which she replied yes to, and we ended up setting up a lunch date at a place just outside her work so that she wouldn’t have to go too far.

The lunch went surprisingly well, and just like that night a few years ago we got along great. I thought well, maybe we just needed a second chance at this.
Until of course, I said we should do this again. Then she said but I thought you were in a relationship now (don’t worry, I laughed just as much as you are laughing right now).  I said, no, I am as single as I have always been.

She avoided me since that lunch ended. Once again with no explanation.  I had twice made a complete fool of myself, without even realizing it.

I’m not sure what she’s up to these days, but I seem to remember seeing a while back she had a kid since then.  My friend and I often try to understand what exactly happened with her, but it’s just another one of those stories that hurt to try and figure out.

Mmm…I wonder if she’s free for dinner this weekend

Cut From The Heart: Episode 8 – The Gamecube Girl & Excessive Blood Loss

November 20, 2013

During my call centre days, most of my social outings were with colleagues as we were all quite close. So things like movies, or dinners or parties would involve a lot of familiar work faces.

That’s probably the only thing I miss from that period of my life, so social aspect of it.

One such time was:

Bonus Story #8 – The Gamecube Girl

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Back in 2002, a bunch of us decided to go to the launch of the Gamecube gaming console which had an event at one of the local malls.

Since my tattoo artist happened to be in the same centre, I decided to get go get my second ever tattoo that morning and then spend some time with my mates playing games.

When we arrived, we all met up and decided how the day was going to unfold. What I wasn’t planning on, was the hot promo girls that were working the booths.

One in particular caught my eye, her name was Lorna (of course, I didn’t know this at the time, but my epic research skills would figure this out later).

Suddenly I was second guessing spending time getting a tattoo, while all the other guys got a head start with her in the queue.

But since  I had an appointment I didn’t wanna be the guy who didn’t pitch for a booked time. So I went to get my tattoo. It was to be a Roman numeral five on the back of my leg.

I took my rough design to the tattoo artist and gave told him to work his magic in magic it look good. However…things didn’t quite go as planned.

The tattoo artist was going through a divorce, and during my entire session he kept taking breaks to argue with his soon to be ex-wife on his mobile phone. It was probably the most uncomfortable tattoo session I’ve ever had. And the worst part was because of the placement of the tattoo, I spent about 90min standing on one leg.

Eventually the guy wrapped up the tattoo. And said he was done. As it was behind me, I couldn’t clearly see it, but trusted he took my rough sketch and at least added a bit of artist’s discretion to it. (He didn’t by the way…he literally inked it on as the rough sketch it was.)

At the time however, I was more concerned about getting back to the gaming expo to try my luck with the promo girl

When got back to my friends, they all asked to see my tattoo, and I’ll never forget as one guy said “dude, is it supposed to be bleeding so much?”

When I looked down, I could see the blood seeping through my tracksuit pants.

Anyways so began the 2o minute queuing sessions just so we could play 2 minutes of video games , of course these 2 minute session for me where about trying to win over the promo girl.

Each time we queued I was getting dizzier and dizzier as I continued to lose blood.

Finally my mates had said they’d had enough and were calling it a day. Pale as a ghost from the blood loss,  I tried to encourage them for one more round.

They didn’t stay.

So with no wingmen left, I called it day too. Disappointed in my effort.

2 weeks later however, I saw an advert saying the Gamecube expo was going to be at another shopping centre.

I managed to convince my friend Jared to come with me, and we headed out to Pretoria that week.

She was there!

But I think this time she avoided me a little more. I ironically ended up chatting more to her friends than to her, one of which was a former kid’s TV show host who ended up dating a friend of mine for a while.

I spent the next few weeks trying to make contact with her, eventually figuring out her email address and casually mailing her.

She showed no interest and the whole thing eventually died out rather quickly.

Every now and again I go see what she’s up to on Facebook.  As of last check, it seems like she’s living a happy life in London with her long term boyfriend.

However, every time I see the giant V on the back of my leg, I can’t help but to think back to her and that day I wouldn’t let a little excessive bleeding stop me from getting to know a girl.

I also found a new tattoo artist after that.

 

Cut From The Heart: Episode 7 – The Writer…No, Not That One, The Other One

November 19, 2013

There haven’t been many times in my life where I’ve met someone who I can connect with on another level in terms of personality, humour, views on life etc. So it always saddens me when I do and then they suddenly disappear on me, only to resurface years later with a whole new life. This was such a story…

Bonus Story #7: The Writer…No, Not That One, The Other One
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During my time in the magazine industry, I met some great people, and one of my favourite persons I only got to know once I had left. The year was about 2006.

We had worked together briefly, and always gotten along, she had a breezy vibe about her, the sort of vibe that made you instantly at easy and comfortable.

At this point we had both moved on from our jobs though, and just less than a year after I had left, we starting chatting again on Facebook, instantly got on and decided hey, let’s meet up again.

I was a bit nervous about doing it because I was going through my personal hell year, and couldn’t really afford to wine and dine her or do anything too fancy.

Thankfully she was a pizza kinda of girl, which fit my non-existent budget to a tee.

I spent the whole day nervous about was this a date or not (as is common practice with me), and didn’t want to assume too much, but I really hoped it was one.

The hours of course, took days to pass, but eventually our time arrived.

We met at a pizzeria just a few blocks up from my work, and as luck would have it, this was no ordinary pizzeria, it had tables and candlelight which screamed date to me.

She arrived and immediately greeted me with a comforting hug that was simply part of her breeziness.

The night passed all too quickly, but the conversation that night was revealing, intimate, honest and hopeful. I will never forget her last words of the conversation – “I can’t believe there has been this amazing, wonderful, honest person in front of me all this time”….

Oh yeah…being myself had finally paid off.

As night’s do, they come to an end, she kissed me goodbye and said we must definitely do this again soon.
Hell yeah! You don’t have to ask me twice.

If that was a date, it was pretty much a 10. The first actual date I had had in a very long time, and it went near perfect. It might also actually be the last date I was on. Well, at least where we both considered it a date.

Then…. my attempts to setup a follow up date were in vain. The excuses started slowly, till the point where any attempt I made to contact her were met with silence.

It seemed like she had disappeared completely…eventually I got the dreaded Facebook deletion.
How did I mess this one up?? I’m still not sure to this day. It just stopped. Ended. Ceased to exist.

A few years later she added me on Facebook again, this time, with a new surname and baby boy. She seems to have been through testing times, but ultimately she seems happy, so how can I be upset with that?

We haven’t chatted in a long time now, and I follow her work on social media …but not one mention has ever come of that night she had that amazing guy sitting right in front of her.

If you’re enjoying this series of postings and are looking forward to my upcoming book, please visit me on Facebook and follow me on Twitter @theburg

Cut From The Heart: Episode 6 – The Drunk Dial

November 18, 2013

This following sorry was one of the last stories I decided to cut from the book, I liked how everything played out, but ultimately I just felt because of how things ended it wouldn’t bring much to the overall journey of the book. That however doesn’t mean I won’t always wonder what might have happened if I ever got a chance with the story I like to refer to as:

Bonus Story #6: The Drunk Dialer

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Over the years, I was lucky enough to act in several movies and do some extra work in tv shows and commercials, a lot of those experiences I cover in my book, but I did take a break from it all for a couple of years. In the middle of 2012 I got the chance to do some extra work for a commercial for a well known reality show. It wasn’t anything that would rocket me to the fame moon, but it did give me the chance to work with some old friends and just enjoy being in front of the camera again.

When I’m in set, I always seem to light up and become more myself, the funny charming guy who has no problem flirting with makeup artists, producers and other cast members.

This was no exception.

It was just a one day shoot for me, so I didn’t have much time to really get to know anyone, but there where one or two ladies that caught my eye. The one I chatted to quite a bit, and the other was a very business like lady who was from the creative agency. We said nothing more that hello. But I really couldn’t stop thinking about her.

Thankfully after my scene was filmed I was told I’d be needed for the final scene of the day as well. As the crew setup the shot and waited for the sun to set, I pulled out all my best “cool guy” material. She laughed, but I was never sure if it was at my jokes, or the guy behind me dressed in a gorilla suit.

We wrapped up fairly quickly after that, and before I knew it, she was gone. I casually tried asking some indirect questions to see if anyone knew her name, but alas nobody did. I thought that would be the end of of.

But by now, I think you’ve figured out my stories are never over that quickly…

As luck would have it, a few days later I was told there was a problem with my footage and it would need to be redone. Not only would I get paid for an extra day, but I’d have a chance of seeing the mystery woman again.

I deliberately arrived on set extra early that day, made obvious by everyone saying “we won’t need you for a bit if you’d prefer to come back later”…I’m a patient guy so I just hung out in here green room. And by green, I just mean the table in the cafeteria where the other actors (and their moms) were.

Eventually she showed up. We exchanged pleasantries and that was it. The whole day I kept trying to find a way to engage in conversation, but we never did, she was in work mode the entire time, except this time instead of heels she was wearing pink sneakers. It was after all, a Saturday. But she was still just as beautiful.

After we wrapped I left feeling slightly defeated. But, I never, ever give up.
I hit the internet trying to find any clue as to what her name might be. She wasn’t on any of the call sheets, but the name of the advertising firm was. So I started there, and began searching employee profiles on social networks, going through their friends to see if I recognized any of the pictures (yes, not unlike a witness trying to find a killer at the police station) , news articles, pictures from company events. Anything that would give me a clue to her name.

Now one thing my book will teach you is, I am gooood at this. Even before the days of Google. If someone existed. I would find them.

And I did. Of all things I found a picture of her on a football fan club page from some function, which had her first name listed below.

The rest was easy, and I emailed her some lame email asking how the rest of the shoot went and when we could see the final product. We began emailing back and forth, and I could tell she was very guarded in her replies. Understandably so.

As I worked at melting the ice, I eventually found my way through by talking soccer, as we supported opposing teams. So the traditional football banter began.

As her phone number was listed on her email signature I thought it was fair game and added her to a chat program called Whatsapp.

Come game day we began chatting footy, and eventually I felt comfortable to start flirting. I invited her out to coffee, which she turned down because of her busy schedule. So I took the hint. And invited her out to milkshakes instead. Nobody can resist that.

The more we chatted, the more she revealed. That she had a son, and I she couldn’t understand why I’d want to get involved in all that baggage. Now let me make one think clear, I do not consider children baggage. I never have and never will. They are no baggage, they are a package.

In fact, my attraction is not diminished by race, religion, age, children or even history of mental illness. This is not necessarily a good thing. (Especially the last one), as it’s often made things more complicated. I just happen to be more attracted to women of Indian decent. I always have been, and always will be. That is a preference, not a determining factor.

Anyways, where were we. Oh right, mental illness.
Mmm. No wait, sorry.

We began talking more often, and more casually now, it was hard work but she was eventually even occasionally messaging me first. Not often, but often enough to think maybe she was actually thinking about me. She talked about how her day was and how she wished she didn’t have to go out with clients in the evenings. She would even send me pictures of what she was going to wear for the evening.

We spoke about out jobs, and she mentioned that they were looking for someone and I should apply. I had just started a new job and didn’t plan on leaving so soon, but I thought I could at least see what they had to offer. So I sent it. That was a Friday.

On the Saturday, we spoke a lot on chat. All day. Then in the evening she was feeling depressed after a hard week of work. I did what I would always do and helped build her up. Eventually her responses were becoming more and more illegible. She did like her evening wine, and this night she was clearly enjoying it. We kept flirting via text…and then…at about midnight…

Ring. Ring. (Ok my phone is on silent, so it only vibrates)

Vbbbbbrrrrr. Vbbbbbrrrrr.

She was calling me.

I answered. Her first words were something along the lines of
“What do you want. I don’t understand why a guy like you would want to get involved with a woman with a kid who has no time for her own life”

I told her not to overthink things (rich coming from me!) and to just enjoy what was going on.
She told me I was so wise and always said the right thing. I am. And, I do.

This call went in for about and hour, between the slurring of the words and the clanging of the glass against the phone, I only actually understood about 25% of the conversation.

Then she said, she was going to take a shower but expected me to call her back in 10min.
I said ok cool, and we ended the call.

Then, I realized I didn’t have airtime in my phone. And I happened to be broken than broke that night so couldn’t even top up.

It was a horrible feeling. And I message her some lame excuse about how my phone was giving trouble and we’d have to chat in the morning.

On the Sunday morning I got an email from her.
Thanking me for applying for the position within the company, but unfortunately they won’t be considering my application at this time.

A few weeks went by before we chatting again, it was awkward and whatever magic was there before, was gone. I tried reigniting it, but she didn’t give me an inch. Even casual conversation wasn’t all that casual.

She sent me some message about how some big black guy was harassing her at the office and her brother was there to calm her down. Then just like that, she changed her phone number.

About a year later we chatted on Facebook, she was concerned about some messages I had been posting (more on that in my book), and suggested I stop as it could have an impact on my professional career in the future. Then she asked me if I needed some professional help. Then she deleted me.

And that’s how it ended. Much ado about nothing in the end, but that nothing was hard work. Perhaps if she just said yes to a milkshake, we would of seen if there was really anything there.

Cut From The Heart: Episode 5 – The Hot Train Girl Diaries

November 17, 2013

So here’s a little scoop for you all. The title of my book was originally going to be called The Hot Train Girl Diaries.

Over the last year, I’d met a few girls on my morning train I found myself attracted to. In fact, there were 4 in total.

I affectionately referred to them as

Hot Train Girl #1
Hot Train Girl #2
Hot Train Girl #3
And
Hot Train Girl Original.

Here’s another scoop for you.
My book starts with the story of Hot Train Girl #2, and sets off a series of events that would go on to change everything about me.

For now however, I would like to share the story of Hot Train Girl #1 with you, in what I shall call:

Bonus Story #5: The Hot Train Girl Diaries – Book 1

It was February 2013 and I’d been taking the train for about a year. As I mentioned, I’d seen a number of girls on the train I was attracted to, and since Valentines Day was coming up, I thought, what the hell, let me do something typically me and give gesture or romance to them.

Now, its not a given than I would see any of them on that day as we sometimes take different trains. I thought I would play it by ear, and if I saw someone either in the morning or the evening, I would write a Valentines day poem and give it to them.

I had these little plastic eggs that came with the old Kinder joy chocolate eggs, so my plan was to write the poem, fold it up in the egg and give it to the girl to open up at work.

That day, when I got to the train station, I saw HTG#1 get on the train, so I sat a few cars back and wrote my poem to give to her when we got off.

I came up with:
“There once was a girl on the train
Who from admiring I could not refrain.
She had style, she had grace
She had beauty upon her face
I can only hope tomorrow I’ll see her again.
Happy Valentines Day”

Not bad I thought, so when we got to our destination, I time my walk so that I met her on the escalator.

Awkwardly, I said I’d like to give her something, and I proceeded to hand her the egg.

I could see she was a bit taken aback, so I quickly reassured her by saying
“Don’t worry it’s not Anthrax or anything like that”.

Yup. I attempted to reassure her that my mysterious egg was not a toxic powder.

That same day I saw her in the mall. When she saw me, she literally dived into the closest store to avoid me. I pretended I didn’t notice, so she thought she got away with it. But I felt so horrible.

Over the next few months, we didn’t speak again, but as we almost always parked next to each other in the parking lot, we did exchange a smile near daily.

Conversation didn’t happen a lot, but in passing, I did promise her that one day we’d have a proper conversation. She said cool.

We would also see each other in the mall where I working during lunch time. In fact, one time, I met my friend for lunch, and she arrived with her baby in tow. As I kissed her hello and greeted her boy, HTG#1 walked past and saw this. I immediately wanted to say, I promise this is not what it looks like! You know, just in case she thought otherwise.

The exchanged smiles became less often.

Now, to my credit, one thing about me is, I notice the smallest changes a girl makes to herself. Such as changing their hair subtlety, or when they are wearing something new for the first time. Its just a case of paying attention to people.

So one morning, I noticed HTG#2’s hair was different, so I went up to her and said her hair looks nice.

She replied with a laugh and said “Yeah, we start fasting tomorrow so I haven’t washed my hair, but thanks”.

Yup, a smooth follow up after the anthrax.

The next day she started Eid. (Yes, she was a muslim Indian girl).

For about a month I didn’t see her. In fact, I didn’t even see her car.

Then suddenly, her car was back! That evening on my way home, I thought if her car is still there, I was going to leave her a note saying I hope she had a good Eid and I was glad she was bad.

I sat in my car in the parking lot, wrote the note and then went and put it in the side of her window. It was such a windy evening, I was worried the note would blow away, but I chanced it anyways. At the end of my note I included my email address.

The next day I was nervous what she might say about my note. But I didn’t see her. As I came home that evening, I walked past where her car was just 24hrs ago. And what did I see…a crumpled up piece of paper in the flower bed.

I thought to myself, surely she wasn’t a litter bug…so it couldn’t possible be my note.

I drove out the parking lot, as this ate away at me…I turned around the car and drove back. I went back to the parking and went to go pick up the piece of paper.

It was a Mcdonald’s receipt for a happy meal and a milkshake.

Later in that week however, I did see her. And we spoke. We spoke a lot, about our jobs; she worked in the same centre as me at a clothing store. We spoke about travel as I was going overseas soon. And of course, I asked her if she got my note. She said no, and suggested maybe the wind blew it away. I knew it. Dammit.

Anyways, she told me she had an interview for a new job at the airport the next day. I felt sad that I may not be seeing her again.

That day I was anxious to know how the interview went. I casually walked past her store a few times, in the hopes of bumping into her, but never did.

However, that evening I saw her car, so again I reverted to the note on the car idea. I wrote a note asking how the interview went, and wished her luck for the outcome. Again I included my contact details.

That night I sat waiting for a message from her. Foolishly so, I know, but I lived in hope.

I saw her once or twice after that on the train, and gathered that she had changed her parking spot. Till eventually I didn’t see her at all.

I went overseas at the end of October, and haven’t seen her since I returned. I assume she got the job she interviewed for.

Through all this, I still don’t even know her name.

Cut From The Heart: Episode 3 – The Cute Neighbour and The Weakest Link

November 15, 2013

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Ask any of my friends, I’m not really the party type; I very rarely go to gatherings or celebrations. It’s just something I don’t feel comfortable doing anymore.

Back in the day however, I made the odd appearance at a braai (bbq) or birthday gathering, and this was one such occasion.

The year was 2003. I went to a friend’s birthday celebration, not really expecting to have a good time, even though he was the closest thing I had to a best friend, and I knew a lot of his friends, there was a always a chance I would make an excuse and leave early.

However to my surprise I ended up having a good type pretty quickly and that was probably mostly due to the fact that I hit it off with his girlfriend’s neighbour. She was cute, fun and extremely young, yes three things I look for in a girl.

We chatted the whole time, and boy was I smooth, I even walked her home in the evening (yes next door, but still), and managed to get her number.

I felt like the heavens opened up pumped my fists, and rejoiced, exclaiming “I got a number!!!”

That night we texted each other and quickly began flirting with each other. I put on a pair of balls and asked her out. To the movies, it was anything too hectic, but a nice way of spending time together. To me, nothing beats an old school dinner and a movie.

The week after the braai, I drove out to fetch her, and of course as I arrived, my friend was leaving his girlfriend’s house, he just laughed that laugh of his that pretty much says “busted!”

She invited me in to meet her parents, and her sister, and boy was it awkward, the parents barely responded to anything I said, even my jokes, which were HIGHlarious were met with zombie like responses. They just spend their time staring at the movie that was playing on the TCM channel. I tried to make conversation about my knowledge of movies, but still no response. In retrospect, they may have been wax models of the real people.

Thankfully we didn’t stay too long. We headed out to the mall, and I gave her the choice of what movie she wanted to see, she wanted to watch Freddy vs Jason…(a girl picking a horror movie is normally a good sign, but all i could think of was – dammnit…I’ve already seen that).

The movie passed far too quickly, but we inevitably began holding hands during the movie, and she didn’t let go for the rest of the night. This of course made going to the bathroom a bit awkward.

I didn’t plan on making a move further than perhaps a goodnight kiss, but when we were driving home, I mentioned that I was going to be a contestant an episode of The Weakest Link the next day, so I couldn’t be out too late.

Just before we got to her house, she said to me, “Can I wish you luck for tomorrow?” of course I wasn’t going to turn that down.

We parked on the side of the road a few blocks from her house and began to make out. It was very natural and very appealing, and then she undid her bra, allowing me to put my magic hands to work. Her hands made their way to my gear stick, and then she realized she had the wrong gear stick and proceeded to go for my other gear stick.

It was what we call a good session. We didn’t go too far but far enough to know there was an attraction.

I dropped her off and said good night, and we texted each other for the rest of the night.

The next day I filmed my episode of The Weakest Link, and the host asked me a question of “Shaun, I believe you’re single…why is that?”, I had the perfect response of “Well after last night maybe not, I had a date, a good date”…we all laughed, and I thought man, when that airs on TV it’s going to be a zinger.

The next day I texted the girl, and she didn’t reply, i tried again several times, and she eventually started replying with short sentences, finally saying we can’t see each other anymore.

Ergh…here we go again, I thought. She sorta eluded to the fact that her parents didn’t like me, which might have been true, I’ll never actually know. She was young, and maybe that played a factor. There was never a clear reason given

For me though, it was just another unsolved mystery. I think she is now living in the UK, but I often wonder about her. Of course, when that episode of The Weakest Link aired…well that just hurt even more.

For the record, I went out in the third round.

Cut From The Heart: Episode 2 – The Knife Store Girl & The Magic 8 Ball

November 14, 2013

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I’ve always lived my life by the rule of random, or at least when it comes to meeting people I take a fancy to. And I know what you’re thinking…

“That’s just silly! Who still uses the word fancy!?”

And you’re right, it’s these sorts of old school words and mentality that make dating that little bit harder for me. However, there is just something wonderful about someone catching your eye and evoking the romantic in ones self.

One of the prime examples of this was…

Bonus Story #2: The Knife Store Girl

During one of my more sociable years circa 2002 I was actually spending a lot of time hanging out with friends, engaging in hobbies and actually enjoying the happenstance of life.

I had a very good friend that I did most everything with named Jared. Jared had somehow convinced me to take up kickboxing. Which is one of the things I still miss to this day. The class was quite varied and included a much younger crew as well, and therein lay another story I will share with you later down the line.

Jared and I shared a lot of common experiences when it came to women, so we always encouraged each other. Being the nice guys in the friends zone is slightly easier when there is a buddy waiting for you there.

One of our many outings involved a trip to an armory store in one of the major shopping centres called Sandton City. I tagged along with Jared and another friend as they were looking for some collectors knifes. As guys do I assume.

As we browsed through the display cases of weapons, the guys oohed and aahed as they perused through the vast selection of items designed to cut someone’s heart out.

Me on the other hand saw something just as effective to do that. The blonde who was working behind the counter at the ammo section.

Now yes, I’ve often said how blondes are not my thing, so maybe it was the allure of a guns and ammo type of girl that somehow made her appealing to me. Or perhaps I was simply envisioning what she may look like in a bikini firing a bazooka. I guess we will never know.

To my own credit, I am very good at spontaneous small talk and making people laugh, so it was easy to start a conversation with her.

Now if I remember correctly, we had actually ordered boxing gloves from the store for our kickboxing class, which meant we would have to come back to collect them the next week. Awesome! A second date!

When we returned a week later she wasn’t there, and I found myself feeling somewhat stood up, which led to a number of ridiculous, yet not unexpected, decisions.

I made numerous casual trips back to the mall over the next few days (riding out more fuel than I could afford as the shopping centre wasn’t exactly close) till eventually I bumped into her again.

This time, I actually had the guts to ask her out. Of course she said no, saying that she didn’t know anything about me. (Presumedly going out with someone is the WORST way to find out about them? Discuss).

Of course, that type of comment to me is like a red flag to a bull and it became my mission to let her know as much about me as possible.

So dejected, but inspired, I went home that evening and put together a list of 101 facts about myself. When I had finished, I read through the list with pride. It was funny, honest, emotional and pretty much exactly how I am in real life. This was a sure fire winner! No girl could resist giving a guy with these credentials a chance.

The next day, I made my way back to the store and lo and behold, she wasn’t there. Thankfully, she was just at lunch however and instead of waiting, I said I would just come back later. As I waited aimlessly in the shopping centre, I literally bumped into her in the food court. She was talking to some muscle bound guy who she introduced to me, he worked in another store in the centre. I grumbled something that probably sounded nothing like “nice to meet you”, and proceeded to give her the list, explaining that if she still didn’t want to give me a chance after that, then I’d stop, but if she did my contact details were written down. Of course, douchebag jones stood there with us the entire time. She replied with an awkward ok and took the letter. Which I’m not sure if she even ever read.

Days went by and I never heard a thing from her. The usual foolish panic of “did I write the correct phone number” started to go through my head as I stubbornly tried to justify that I still had a chance here.

Then came one of my now infamous ideas. The magic 8 ball idea.

The new plan was to go see her one more time, and let her ask the magic 8 ball if she should go out with me. It was charming and purely dependent on fate.

Jared and I spent the next weekend scouring shops for a magic 8 ball which proved to be impossible. So I gave up in the idea.

Then, the Tuesday evening after that – during our kickboxing training session, the 8 ball idea came up in conversation and one of the people in the class said she had one. Suddenly the idea was back on. I literally made her go home and fetch it.

As we sat waiting for her to return with the ball in the parking lot, I couldn’t help but be excited.
Best. Idea. Ever.

That next weekend, we set out one last time to win this girl’s heart.
Excited about my brilliant idea, I had all the confidence in the world.

When we got to the store she was busy, so we had to wait to see her. Tick tock, tick tock.
While we were waiting, douchebag jones suddenly arrived. And she told me that he was her boyfriend. It clearly wasn’t, but she had obviously called the guy to come pretend they were together so I would leave her alone. Ouch.

I never even got to unleash my magic 8 ball idea on her. I just walked out as the guy who finally got the hint. Double ouch.

As life would have it. I now work in that same shopping centre and walk past that store every day. Triple ouch.

Hey some guys collect knifes, I collect fragments of my broken heart.

Ps. I also now own two magic 8 balls, and became well known for it on a segment on a tv show I hosted where viewers would send in their questions for the ball to answer.

There is a funny irony to my life sometimes.

It’s The Way…

June 6, 2012

It’s the way it feels when you say hello and good morning
It’s the way your emoticons are always yawning

It’s the way you look when you wear a dress
It’s the way you fold your scarf, never in a mess

It’s the way you put one finger on your lip when you’re concentrating on reading
It’s the way you lean to the left when with a pen you are writing

It’s the way you hold your sleeves in your hands
It’s the way your hair falls on your face, just the way it lands

It’s the way your jersey falls off your shoulders, the most attractive sight in the world.
It’s the way you are so unassuming, but never overly bold

It’s the way you shuffle when you’re in a hurry,
It’s the way its not a run, but more of a scurry

It’s the way you secretly love reggae
It’s the way you say the word honey, (a word I generally hate hey)

It’s the way your knife and fork clink against the plate when you’re eating
It’s the way you feel about going into a meeting

It’s the way you laugh when telling a story 
It’s the way you could never bore me

It’s the way it feels when you high 5 me
It’s the way it feels when you hug me

It’s the way it feels when we talk
It’s the way it feels when we don’t talk

It’s the way it feels when you walk away,
It’s the way it feels when you say goodbye or leave for the day

It’s the way my heart feels about pretending
It’s the way this list could never have an ending…

100,000 Views on Love: My Own Greek Tragedy

May 22, 2012

It’s been a strange 7+ days for me…in fact my emotions have been off the chart for a variety of reasons, so I find myself wondering how much has actually been real and what’s been a result of my silly little self imposed head games.

Those around me, and I guess to a point, complete strangers, have been subject to the “new me”, with dare I say it, spectacular results.

I have provided moments of pure happiness for a variety of people for a variety of reasons, by simply being unselfish.

I’ve also found myself drawing out a lot of kindred spirits out the wood works and as a result, meeting new people who I actually like!

Therein I guess lay the problem…

You see, as much this new found confidence and way of viewing the world has shaped me into the best version of myself I have been in many a year, if not ever, I find myself tripping up over the same stumbling blocks that I’ve always had a problem with. New me…same result. There is a saying about what defines crazy that seems rather apt right about now.

Let me explain a bit…

If you’re a long time reader, you’ve loyally followed my luckless adventures in love and matters of the heart, and probably accidentally or on purpose used one of my many hated cliches on love, destiny etc.

I also mentioned in a previous blog about an unrequited love I had come across…

Then we also have a few unexpected surprises that crossed my path in the last few weeks.

Add all these elements together and you have the making a typical Burg heartbreak blog…with my emotions being pulled all over the place.

Let’s examine the players in this Greek tragedy of mine…and ask some rhetorical questions about what the next steps are.

In no particular order…

Player one is someone I met last week during my whirlwind trip to Durban. While I was waiting outside a conference hall for my seminar to start, this beautiful girl and I made eye contact and exchanged a smile. The old would of just watched her from afar, never having the courage to walk up to her and engage in conversation. The new me however walked up to her and started a conversation. I immediately felt there was something special about her. After the conference I asked her to coffee later in the day where we met up again and used the little time we had to get to know each other. The day ended with a hug. It was just one of those moments at will stay with me forever, I may never see her again, but boy do I hope we do..there is something there…something special. Every time I close my eyes I see her smile…and these eyes that just sparkle…STATUS: Taken

Player two is an interesting choice. She actually someone I noticed on my very first day at my new job, because she was the only person who smiled at me when I was introduced to everyone. It took us a good while to eventually start talking, however I soon realized my instincts about her were right. We had a lot of similar issues and she found it easy to talk to me about problems. I have that effect on people. They find they can open up and share things with me they can’t tell anyone else. I don’t mind being there for her in the slightest. Lately however we have begun flirting each other. All very innocent, and as she’s currently involved, I doubt it will go much further than that. I admit, I think we both like the attention and just enjoy it for what it is. Sometimes it hurts that it is so fleeting, and its not the type of relationship I have with someone else…but for now we just enjoy each others time. STATUS: Taken

Player three just has such a special place in my heart. It’s one of those situations where in a different time and place I could totally see myself with her. I think we both have so much love in our hearts that if our paths had crossed before she was so deep into a relationship, I would of liked to think we could have been something special too. I look at her with such admiration at the lengths she is going to for her love, and think how lucky that guy is. To find a love like that is rare, I know because I am like that with how far I would go. I’ve been so fortunate to spend some time with her away from our daily routine, and I am just so damn lucky to have the bond with her that I do. Its one of those “if only” friendships. STATUS: Taken

Player four is a girl who caught me by surprise, that being said, I knew we had bonded from our very first conversation…as I said, I’ve been drawing out kindred spirits, and this particular lady is definitely such. We are in the early stages of understanding how the other works…but she is definitely intriguing me. There are what other may call obstacles, but to me they are nothing that frighten me away. I am after all, “the moments guy”, and quite honestly whatever happens, happens. We won’t see each other very often, but I think when we do, there will always be something special between us. STATUS: Unknown

Yup. Player five.
I’ve saved the most important one for last. However, it’s the most heartbreaking of them all.

Firstly, I’m man enough to admit it. I have fallen in love, and unfortunately as always, with someone who doesn’t feel anything for me. At first I thought it was just another schoolboy crush, and maybe I just hoped it was. I listen to everyone’s advice about how I should approach the situation. For every person telling me to just tell her how I felt, I had someone telling me to be a complete @sshole around her, because women never go for the nice guy. For every person telling me to make sure I’m clear I don’t want to be her friend, I want to be more, I had someone telling me to be her friend first.

At the end of the day I am me. You either love me for that, or you don’t, she unfortunately doesn’t.

I wondered to myself, I’ve changed so much, and yet this version of who I am is still not enough. Then the self confidence issues start to fill your head…I’m too short, I’m too fat, I’m not sociable enough. I don’t drink. Whatever. It’s a total mind game with myself.

Then I think well if she just spent time with me away from the office she would see the real me.

She is dealing with her own issues too, and I feel so selfish about feeling the way I do. I’m there for her 100%, always will be, but my greatest fear is that while I’m there, some tall, successful, square jawed bad boy will just sweep in and take her. Because that’s what always happens. Heck when I hear conversations about her and other guys my heart breaks into a million pieces, and I just stand there nodding and pretending to smile about how awesome said guy would be for her.

After thinking long and hard about, the only “solution” here is for me to walk away. My heart yearns too much for her, and while I would be prepared to wait as long as it takes for her….I know I would spend he next 5 years trying to convince her of why I am the guy for her, and miss out on the world around me. I’ve been down that road before.

Just touching her hand energized me, and a hug here and there leaves me with a smile on my face for days. People have started to notice how I am around her, and sometimes I feel embarrassed for her…because I always try and treat her like the treasure that she is.

So that’s what I need to do….walk away, give her space to sort her life out…and settle for a friendship.

…….
……………………
……………………………………..
…………………………………………………..

No.
You know what…not this time.
I’m going to give everything I’ve got….
I’m going to fight for this girl….I deserve someone like her, and dammit she deserves someone like me.

The timing may not be right, and we both have our own lives to sort out, she may meet 100 guys between now and then, but there will be a then and I will not give up on her.

I’m going to enjoy my life for now, for those who come in and out of my life, and above all, I am going to live for those damn moments. We meet people at the exact time we are supposed to, and I’d like to believe this has started a string of events that will one day lead us to each other.

Kind regards
Love’s #1 Bitch

P.S….who is player 6?….dun dun dun

Dear Hawk Girl…

August 29, 2009

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Wow…so this week has been weird huh?
It’s been killing me that things have changed suddenly here at the Watchtower… there’s nothing worse than have an awkward work environment.

We both know why, maybe it’s an embarrassment thing, or an ego thing, but I guess we just been trying to ignore the obvious.
Truth be told, I miss you. A lot! I miss my friend first and foremost.

Even Super Girl and Black Canary have been asking me what’s happened. So it’s become something that people have noticed – which I know you hate, because you just want to go about your daily tasks of helping the humans on earth, and not draw dagger stares from those in the league who like to toot my horn.

I blame myself for this situation.

Gotta be honest here Hawks, I really think I messed things up for myself, and I’m worried it’s beyond repair.

I have issues around women…especially those who…ok well; let me rather start at the beginning.
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I’ll never forget that day some 2 and half years ago…we were both fairly new to the Justice League, and you were sent down from your planet for one of Batman’s dreaded debriefings (sometimes they come across as damn sales meetings). I was asked to sit in to see how it all works…and there I noticed you sitting next to Power Girl… you were wearing an animal print outfit and a yellow utility belt, that’s when everything became slow motion and I just melted.

Then you went back to Thanagar. And I was left to go on with my life…I didn’t think we’d ever work an assignment together.

The boys here at the Watchtower mocked me about my crush on you…but it was never an issue really…how could it be right? Id only seen you once.

Over the years we became interplanetary email buddies, you on Thanagar and me here on Earth.

Then I overheard Batman and the Man of Steel talking about how your powers would be a great asset here on Earth.

You and I both bonded over this news. I felt an excitement in me, (which can be embarrassing considering my limbs can stretch at will!)

The thought of seeing you every day and getting to know you on another level, man alive…the Gods were on my side for a change.

I remember the “seek and observe” assignment we were both given back in April, you remember when we thought Animal Man had switched sides and was working for the Injustice League??
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Man the guy may have issues, but he’s on our side. And I know you had a thing with him back in the day…so I ended up being jealous, and couldn’t wait to expose him as a traitor. ( but deep down it was about making you happy that weekend)

When you finally got reassigned to Earth a few months ago, I was like a schoolboy again (see I previously had a thing for Catwoman, and while nothing happened, it was so draining, that I had become a bit cold to the *ahem* opposite sex).

We got along so well you and I.
Our private jokes about the other superheroes who thought their powers were better than ours…good times!

I knew something was changing however.
I tried to avoid it, nay stop it… I really did.
There was no denying it, and despite warnings (some out of concern, others out of jealousy), I began to fall for you.

I didn’t want that to happen, because hey, lets be honest here, Guys like me…they don’t get girls like you.

Last week of course we had our Super Villain seminar that The Flash put together in an attempt to get us all on the same page – Lord knows crime fighting has changed.

We spent so much time together, there was a definite awkwardness I could feel coming from you… I knew something was up. But then on Day 2 of the Super Villain seminar, all my fears were realized. When you were so close to me, and I looked into your eyes, I knew that was it for me.

That was the exact moment I fell in love with you.

When I watched the surveillance video of the seminar, I realized how absolutely perfect you were….and how flawed I was. Confidence plummeted. (yes despite you saying you can’t fit into your cape and tights some days, to me, I had never seen someone so beautiful).

Then earlier this week I heard you were going to see Animal Man again at the annual Superhero Convention…I panicked, what if he was setting you up…No…this couldn’t happen. You deserved better!

I tried to warn you against him and ended up coming across as a jealous A-hole. Then in a passing comment you said something which shattered me completely – you were seeing Aquaman.
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The world stopped…I didn’t even notice the attack by Starro on the Australian Reef…I was numb.

Being the guy who is always funny and keeping others entertained comes with a price behind the scenes. There is no place for personal hurt.

Plus as you know Wonder Women was leaving the Justice League this week, and she’s one of my dearest friends. I felt like I was about to lose everything in the space of a few days. I began to swing emotionally.

I closed up….and I’m hurting so badly because of my own silly heart and I know it’s not because of you’re actiona, you’re just living your life , and I don’t begrudge you at all…Aquaman is an awesome guy, and if he makes you happy… I really am happy for you. I did have a feeling your mates Red Tornado & Red Tornado II were trying to set you up with someone…but I didn’t think it would be Aquaman!

Deep down I know all the nice moments we shared, the little things like the ice coffee while we checked out super villains personal files, the stealing of Martian Manhunter’s candy coated sweets when we had a craving, and the gifts we gave each other, they were all just done because you are a genuinely nice person.

I’d never had that sorta attention before… I mistook it as the “signs” Green Arrow always talks about which women supposedly give us guys.

Hawkgirl – these last few days we have hardly said a word to each other and it’s killed me. You don’t visit, you don’t look me in the eye, and you don’t email me random things like we ALWAYS do…

So I’m writing you this letter…I don’t even know if you will read it…

What I do know is you don’t know how to react to me, and I don’t know what else to do.

All I can say is that I will lock away my feelings for you, I just want to be your friend again, your happiness is so important to me, and I don’t want to be the cause of any sorta tension here at the Watchtower, Bats would have my ass if I missed another invasion.

If you read this…and you want to talk. Please message me. You know where to find me. If you don’t…I guess I’ll just go on hiding in the men’s locker room every time you come past.

I joke, I joke.
The fate of the known world depends on us.

Yours always
Plastic Man
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