One of the easiest ways to turn a conversation tense, is when I start discussing how lonely it is being alone, especially with a member of the female race.
Her definition of being alone is always girl-power centric. Perhaps a reflex defense mechanism to prevent me from asking her out, she is quick to state that she is so much happier being alone than having to explain her ways to some overprotective jealous boyfriend. Of course, within a couple of weeks she has found herself a new overprotective jealous boyfriend.
I’ve been alone most all of my life. I don’t say that as a sort of “woe is me” statement, but rather as a life fact. We’ve delved into my personal history enough of the last few months to prove this, and won’t go down that road today.
Having grown used to being alone, one adapts. Through the years, I’ve had to make do with being the only child (through circumstance), the one guy who doesn’t fit into a clique, and of course being a likeable guy with an amazing personality (read: too nice a guy to get into a relationship with).
What follows now, is my definitions of being alone vs being lonely.
Of course the internet, and now subsequently Social Networks have been a double edged sword when it comes to being alone and lonely, but hey, at least they’ve ironically brought you to this blog.
Being alone has its perks. For instance, it’s easy to go grocery shopping. You don’t need to squabble over different name brands when it comes to toothpaste, air freshener or butter vs margarine.
Being lonely however, results in a much higher monthly expense bill. Over the years, I’ve found myself buying things like dart boards, a pool table and board games, in the hope that just in case I do in fact have someone over who happens to know how to play any of these games.
Being alone is a great way to avoid smoky clubs, loud music and arguments over whether to rent Bridget Jones Diary, or buy the latest Steven Seagal movie on Bluray. Dinner is also a pleasure, because in being alone, a packet of Big Korn Bites does truly qualify as a meal.
Being lonely however results in way too many hands of Solitaire – with real cards. You tend to miss almost all of your shows on TV because of constant channel surfing. Friday night porn just becomes another show with way too many ads.
Being alone is a blessing when going to the cinema ie. Viewers choice! Going out for a meal, whilst somewhat sad, means that there is nobody to pick on your plate instead of eating what they ordered for themselves.
Being lonely makes going to the drive in somewhat pathetic. Going to a concert highlights the fact that you’re the only person out of 10,000 people who is not there with someone.
Being alone is productive. You get more work done that most of the other staff combined.
Being lonely is noticeable when you’re the only one who attended work Xmas parties alone, year after years, after year, after year. People tend to notice you are the only person who never gets private calls, not even on your mobile phone.
Being alone is great, as you don’t have to quickly close your laptop to prevent anyone from seeing what you’re watching online. You have full permission to instant message anyone of the opposite sex and you can shop alone till you’re credit card is finally rejected.
Being lonely online makes you come across as need, attention hungry and somewhat creepy. Fueling you with the desire to explain yourself in a blog of some sorts…
So…which one are you? Alone or Lonely?
I definitely started my life off as alone…but I’ve undoubtedly succumbed to being lonely.