Posts Tagged ‘passion’

Global Musings – A return to writing

August 19, 2010


For weeks, nay, months now, I have perpetually opened a blank document and stared at it for hours before closing it by hitting that damn slap in the face “No” button when the prompt asks me if I would like to save Untitled. “How very dare you sir!”

I’ve been trying to find inspiration everywhere.

I’ve looked to old memories, (using the write what you know theory that us writers are supposed to adhere to) yet that well seems long dried up.

What about exciting new ventures? That’s always good food for thought right?

Nope, nothing, nadda.

Add to this that every unpublished piece of writing I’ve done over the last 12 years, including screenplays, short stories, and my never ending autobiography were literally taken from me at gunpoint….well, I guess that’s enough to prematurely call an end to my writing career.

It’s been an eight month drought, except for my angry blog about the above incident – (hey, I’ll take inspiration in any form and at any time it comes), and whilst I truly felt I may never write again, I did feel like there was something still burning inside this banged up ol’ pickup truck I call my brain.

Like a little child playing hide and go seek, it was there, just waiting for me to find it…every time I thought I knew what it was, I took a step back and said naaa that can’t be right.

However, in and amongst this horribly insane 12 months I have been through, there was one guiding light. One ipso facto (and there’s NO way I just used that correctly) that has remained a constant. A burning flame – something or someone that reminded me of why I am a writer. An embodiment of everything I find beautiful about the craft of writing. The hardships, the dreams, and most importantly, the impact even a simple word can have on a reader.

This intangible is indeed a person. A beautiful person who I watch from a far (a very far), but in a non stalker way of course, if there’s anything that last court order taught me, was that distance is important in a relationship.

Her work inspires me, her energy keeps me going through the toughest times, her attitude allows me to live vicariously through her. Her beauty brings me to my knees (you know because of how weak I go when I even see a picture of her). To me, she is perfection.

We have never met, and the odds are we won’t ever.
Heck, we hardly even talk, but in the weirdest way imaginable, she is the TRUE love of my life.

I don’t mean that in the relationship sort of way, I mean it in the way one person can truly inspire you to be the best at what you do, and makes you believe that your dreams and goals, no matter how foolish to others, are achievable if you yourself really believe in them. I mean it in the way that someone can change your life for the better by the mere fact that they simple exist in this world. She embodies the four elements i live by – dream, desire, passion, belief.

She goes about her daily business doing what she does, drinking her morning coffee, taking in her picturesque surroundings, never really knowing the impact she has on my life.

And I…well…

In a single word – I have found my Muse.

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Good(bye) blog!

January 19, 2010

Conspicuous by my absence, I was seriously considering just walking away from this blog cold turkey…heck it wouldn’t be the first time id walked away from a blog i’d invested so much time and effort it.

Last night however, i had a good think about it, and felt that i’d accomplished a lot in the short time I’ve been running this blog, and felt it deserved a proper send off. Explanation if you will.

The intention of the blog was to always speak the truth about the irritation and idiocracy (yes it’s a word…based on the movie of the same name) of people in general.

However, somewhere along the line it became a forum of anger and fruitless loathing. Each and every passing day I am in this country, I am becoming more and more hateful. That’s the truth. I am not proud to be a South African. The country is NOT getting better. I do not feel safe here, and I by no means see a future for myself here.

In truth. I checked out a long time ago. My mind and soul have been in New York for some time now, and I’m official on the path to get my body there.

There in lies the problem for a lot of you people (friends and haters). You question my decision, my dreams, my ambitions. As a South African you are naturally wrapped up in your own sense of self importance. Your narrow mindedness is something you unwittingly try and enforce on others.

There is a bigger world out there. There are bigger dreams out there.
There are dreamers out there. And I am one of the biggest.
I’ve become a much harder person over the last two years, and there is a reason for that, but ive also learned a helluva lot more perspective.

As I try and deal with my frustration of the people of South Africa and the country as a hole (pun intended), I find myself becoming a ticking time bomb. This blog has slowly become an easy way for me to complain and fester internally as a result.

This is unfair on both you and I.

I have thus made a decision to not let these irritations get the better of me. People are people. And if you don’t understand my stances on these things, I feel no need to converse with you.

This does not mean however that I will go about my daily business and fake a smile.
I will simply just cut those things out my life. People. Places. Situations.

I’ve distanced myself from social networks to a huge degree, and feel that I was letting myself because more about reactions to what I said, rather than about the point of what I was saying, because let’s be honest, most people are sheep who can easily be lead into a moral trap. Where is the fun in that?

Now before you naysayers jump on the “he’s being negative” band wagon, let me tell you where my focus is.

Through this blog I have amazingly been able to I recognize my gifts, my talents, my road to success. I will be turning my writing focus onto more creative projects, storytelling, projects that are both original and not influenced by hate.

I will however also continue my other blog, The New York one, because I feel very strongly about my journey to get there, and the obstacle that will try and stop me.

People say I write best when I’m angry and ticked off about something. I used to think that…but now I realize I write best when I’m passionate.

If you think this blog is simply an arrogant rant. You may be right…but the point is…i am better than this country and a helluva lot of people in it, and I deserve to be happier than this, but no longer will people dictate my happiness. The country and its people doesn’t deserve that power over me.

BurgNYC2010

Beautiful. Perfect.

November 24, 2009

I came across this image
I don’t know what its from or where it originates…but i love it love it love it…(presumably from a local publication?)

I’m thinking of converting it into a tattoo…just wrapping my head around how….

beautiful. perfect.

Write is Right

August 26, 2009

You’d think by 2am on a Wednesday I’d be fast asleep, getting some much needed rest for the work day ahead… but nooooo, here I am watching Angie Dickinson on dvd in the 70s cop show, Police Woman, and writing blog after blog.

I really could write all day long these days…in fact I could wax lyrical about certain topics, but I fear I may end up saying some stuff I really shouldn’t, so I’m trying to keep everything breezy. You know, like Monica’s answering machine message to Richard.

The more I write, the more I want this to be what I do all the time.
I got such a nice pick me up this evening when I stumbled onto a forum that was discussing one of my blogs at large (The Man Crush). Several people chipped in with “this guy is hilarious!”, which is the best thing a writer like me can see.

I pride myself on being able to bring out a laugh no matter how serious or sad my content is. If you’ve lived through the things I have, you tend to go one of two ways. (I’ll let you guess which ways they are).
I’ve always done that…and I’ve always felt I’m one of the best at doing it.

As any good writer, I’m ridiculously critical of my writing, and in order to stay focused on writing something, sometimes it takes hours of staring at a blank document before ….*holy cr@p…Angie Dickinson is going undercover in women’s prison in this episode! Sweet!!!*

…..dammit…now where was I?

.

…….
……….
Ah, now I remember, sometimes takes hours of staring at a blank document before inspiration strikes and the exact right topic comes to mind.

I occasionally write stuff I don’t publish. They can be about irritations in my life, family, or even love revelations that I don’t want people to see.

When something feels right to be shared, I share it. Sometimes I choose the wrong things to share and feel the “wrath” of those who take offense to it. I’m ok with that, because at the end of the day just like my words are my opinion…so too are theirs.

One day, and one day soon I’m going to have to make a big decision about my writing and where I take it.

Scriptwriting.
Travel Writing
Opinion pieces
Fictional writing.
Song writing (?)
Journalism
critic
Blogger for hire
Poet

Plus there’s still that Tell all autobiography that gets a little thicker every day…

Yeah… why not do all of those.

I’m so glad I’m a writer-slash-model and not the other way around.

Here’s a quick poll question….which of the above styles of writing do you enjoy most from me? And what would you like to see me try?

I’m so in love with…

August 24, 2009

I’m writing this as I watch Liverpool try and make a come back from 0-2 down at Anfield, so please excuses any outburst of anger and hate it what should otherwise be considered an upbeat blog.

Last Friday was our second of a two day “seminar” designed to bring work colleagues closer together. Despite the initial grunts and groans that usually follow events like that, the 2 days were pleasant and good natured.

The first day was a pretty standard “moving forward together” type effort, but the events of day 2 were kept a mystery which of course led to understandable fears of having to participate in a three legged egg whilst wearing a sack and blindfold.
Thankfully, this was not the case.
Upon arriving at the venue, we were all split up in two teams, I was decidedly happy seeing the names of some of my favourite people aligned with mine.
Off to a good start.
All was then revealed, thanks to an over eager presenter, that would make any children’s show host cringe with embarrassment, and all of us in the room tense up with irritation.

We were fortunate enough to be given the task of making movies.
Each team would be given a camera and the brief of making a 90sec movie depicting what music meant to us (because were are a record company…duh).

I immediately lit up. This was all my passions rolled up into one!

*YES!!!! TORRES YOU BEAUTY!!! 1-2!!!!!*

What followed was the creative process which I thrive off of.
The brainstorming of a script, roles being assigned, crew duties, and the eternal question of “how do we film this sum’beech”
Pure bliss!

As the time ticked away, the ideas flowed, our team gelled off each other brilliantly, and it was nothing short of a pleasure to be in their company.

*MOTHER EFFER!!! PENALTY TO ASTON VILLA! 1-3!!

By the end of the time allocated, we had put together something really special, and were damn proud of it.

As we watched our movie being put together in the editing process, I realized two things.

1. This was my passion… making movies, no matter how short or how small, was something that was like a drug to me. When I’m doing it, I am the happiest person alive; and when I’m not involved in it at all…I’m just in a permanent state of withdrawal. I crave making movies. I’ve been involved in 7 movies now, from small ones like this, the full length features that have been at the cinema.
2. I actually don’t think I can reveal the second thing here, it would probably ultimately be a bit selfish to do so. But it has to do with what inspires me and makes me want to be successful. All I can really say is while making that 90sec movie I fell head over heels in love. I remembered what it was like to have – Passion. Desire. Belief.

Anyways, the movies were screened for everyone to watch, and ours was a thing of beauty. (have I mentioned that already?)

The other team’s effort was a poor one. I blame new girl for that…

An awards ceremony followed, which in the end turned out to be one of those “we are all winners” affairs, and to avoid seething irritation, I’ll just say I’m happy with the awards we got (hey Simon, I got another Best Script!)

I now know what brings me happiness. I know who brings me happiness.
And it’s about time I surround myself with such things.

But don’t you worry… I still have enough anger and hate in me to keep the blogs you love to read going…

*HOLY MOTHER OF CR@PBALLS!!!! LIVERPOOL LOST AGAIN!!!! AT ANFIELD!!!! END THIS PAINFUL SEASON NOW!*