For weeks, nay, months now, I have perpetually opened a blank document and stared at it for hours before closing it by hitting that damn slap in the face “No” button when the prompt asks me if I would like to save Untitled. “How very dare you sir!”
I’ve been trying to find inspiration everywhere.
I’ve looked to old memories, (using the write what you know theory that us writers are supposed to adhere to) yet that well seems long dried up.
What about exciting new ventures? That’s always good food for thought right?
Nope, nothing, nadda.
Add to this that every unpublished piece of writing I’ve done over the last 12 years, including screenplays, short stories, and my never ending autobiography were literally taken from me at gunpoint….well, I guess that’s enough to prematurely call an end to my writing career.
It’s been an eight month drought, except for my angry blog about the above incident – (hey, I’ll take inspiration in any form and at any time it comes), and whilst I truly felt I may never write again, I did feel like there was something still burning inside this banged up ol’ pickup truck I call my brain.
Like a little child playing hide and go seek, it was there, just waiting for me to find it…every time I thought I knew what it was, I took a step back and said naaa that can’t be right.
However, in and amongst this horribly insane 12 months I have been through, there was one guiding light. One ipso facto (and there’s NO way I just used that correctly) that has remained a constant. A burning flame – something or someone that reminded me of why I am a writer. An embodiment of everything I find beautiful about the craft of writing. The hardships, the dreams, and most importantly, the impact even a simple word can have on a reader.
This intangible is indeed a person. A beautiful person who I watch from a far (a very far), but in a non stalker way of course, if there’s anything that last court order taught me, was that distance is important in a relationship.
Her work inspires me, her energy keeps me going through the toughest times, her attitude allows me to live vicariously through her. Her beauty brings me to my knees (you know because of how weak I go when I even see a picture of her). To me, she is perfection.
We have never met, and the odds are we won’t ever.
Heck, we hardly even talk, but in the weirdest way imaginable, she is the TRUE love of my life.
I don’t mean that in the relationship sort of way, I mean it in the way one person can truly inspire you to be the best at what you do, and makes you believe that your dreams and goals, no matter how foolish to others, are achievable if you yourself really believe in them. I mean it in the way that someone can change your life for the better by the mere fact that they simple exist in this world. She embodies the four elements i live by – dream, desire, passion, belief.
She goes about her daily business doing what she does, drinking her morning coffee, taking in her picturesque surroundings, never really knowing the impact she has on my life.
In a single word – I have found my Muse.