Posts Tagged ‘telephone’

The Art of The Phone Conversation…

January 31, 2011

I’ve often stated than much like other serious responsibilities in this life, i.e. driving, or possessing a firearm, we as human beings should have to obtain a license in order to talk on the phone.

A phone operating license if you will.

Being a telephone hater for many years now has allowed me to look at the process of talking on the phone from a more objective stance, and the self awareness that comes with avoiding telephone conversations is certainly an eye opener.

I’ve already discussed at length why I hate the phone (a blog you will find here), but now I’d like to address why certain people shouldn’t be allowed within a 100 yards of a telephone…(200 yards if on speaker phone). This is why I personally try and avoid speaking on the phone.

There is certain etiquette than comes along with the responsibilities of talking on the phone, and if you’ll indulge me, I’d like to address a few.

One on one conversation – Guy to Girl

This is by far the trickiest of all conversation scenarios. The age old tradition of a guy and girl speaking on the phone is a lost art these days, and many will consider it an ancient form of Facebook poking, but there still a lot to be said about talking to a girl on the phone. If done correctly it can be one of the most satisfying and rewarding things a guy and a girl can do together. (the other of course being playing chess together). All conversations should be kept light, and somewhat flirty, however they should never cross the line into sordid. If the guy and girl are in a relationship/married/ living together, a phone call should never be used to remind one or the other to “bring milk/cat food/toilet paper home”. A text message will do in that case. If the guy and girl are NOT together…well….that presents a whole new set of rules, with only one key rule that should always be observed: DO NOT SPEAK OF A THIRD PARTY YOU HOOKED UP WITH!

One on one conversation – Guy to Guy

Firstly, guys should never phone each other. Period, but I understand we live in a crazy world, and it’s bound to happen. If you are a dude who likes to phone other dudes, well then may I suggest keeping it short and too the point. None of this “so what’s news” chit chat. Never ask another guy what’s going on in his life romantically, unless you have a hot female friend (not necessarily single) you are about to set him up with, there is no reason to address love, sex and romance. Finally, never ever throw in the phrase “I miss you” during the conversation. Even if it’s followed by “dude”.

The “It’s been so long” call

The opening line is always some variation of “do you know who this is?” I hate that. I really don’t have time to go through the name of every person I have known over the course of 30 plus years on this earth. Is it so hard to start off with “this is so and so”? If the last time we chatted was longer than 5-10 years ago, there is a good chance life has changed for at least one of us, so stop holding on to the past, and embrace that is completely possible that one of us is a) at a new job b) married c) is now gay. Of course if all three have happened…it’s going to be a long call.

Conference Calls

These are the bane of my existence. Don’t get be wrong, I enjoy chatting with my international colleagues, and love the collection of cultures, accents and opinions…but…when it comes to work conference calls, the phrase that always comes to mind is “there’s always one…” There’s always one guy that’s louder than everyone. There’s always one heaver breather on the line, there’s always one person chewing, there’s always one person making lame jokes, there’s always one know-it-al, there’s always one who forget he’s on speak phone and of course….there’s always one who does all of the above.

Remember, Telephone Converstaions affect us all!

These are just a few observations…I may return to this blog in the future…I would still like to advise you in the rules for ”Chatting on a Mobile phone”, “Chatting to your parents” and of course “chatting to work colleagues” but feel free to share your scenarios too. Because the more we all know, the safer this world will be for all telephone kind.

Alexander Graham Bell Ruined My Life

September 27, 2010

There is possibly no other inanimate object I hate more than the telephone. (Lindsay Lohan’s firecrotch doesn’t count)

I seriously hate everything about it. The device, the sound it makes, even the way it stares at you.

I may have mentioned in the past how I haven’t even had a ringtone on my cell phone (or mobile phone for you international readers) for over four years. It’s been on silent. This means I probably quite simply miss your call, or plain ignore it.

Don’t take it personally. I just try and avoid the phone at any cost.

And of course to go along with that, comes the new conundrum of sms and chat. I love that…I really do, but I need to use the actual phone to do that…damn that mother truckin’ Alexander Graham Bell. This is his fault you know.

Anways, I’ve always knew why I detested the device so much.

It’s two fold really.

Back when I was younger, the ringing of a phone brought only bad news….death. That kinda thing traumatizes one, you know. Answering that phone and being told that someone had just died is probably one of the worst things you can hear (the other being “you should of said I need five to make a million sorry we can’t make you a winner”)….

The irony of my kryptonite was that my job for the next 8 years after high school would be working in a call centre. It breaks a person apart. They say only certain people can work on a helpdesk…I always thought so too…but looking back now, I know those 8 years will forever have me in its power….freak you Bell.

I feel for peopleon helpdesks…its not easy….so take it easy on em folks…they are human beings….except for those @sses over at FNB Loans.

I don’t answer my phone if I can help it, and recently I went a good few weeks without it and realized I didn’t miss it one bit. In fact I think my voice mail is full…

I wonder if that is the reason I don’t date haha….maybe….if you’re a girl…and you’ve received a phone call from me….like ever, well then i really like you….seriously. If you’re a guy…well then my car has probably broken down and sms will take too long.

It’s one of the hardest things for me to do…I become like an ADD victim when I even attempt to dial.

I dial, cancel, dial, cancel, and so on…

It’s so painful you have no idea.

I’m trying to slowly build up my phoning ability….but its gonna take some time, so bare with me ok?

That my friends is my phobia, so don’t judge me….there are other things you can make fun of instead….like my love for Wizards of Waverly Place.

Teen sitcoms rule!

Classic Burg: Vol.1

August 25, 2009

I’ve been blogging since before blogging was a word. Except back then we called it “writing”.

Tonight I delved into some of my old writing and came across some real scary blogs I did about 2 or 3 years ago… I truly was an emotional train wreck back then. I’d like to think i’ve become someone more pleasant since then.

Anyways, I’ve decided to revisit some of my older more enjoyable posts for the those who never saw them. So with that being said, welcome to
DUN DUN DUN
Classic Burg
January 10, 2007 – Wednesday
The Burg vs Alexander Graham Bell

There is possibly no other inanimate object I hate more than the telephone. (Lindsay Lohan’s firecrotch doesn’t count)

I seriously hate everything about it. The device, the sound it makes, even the way it stares at you.

I may have mentioned in the past how I haven’t even had a ringtone on my cell phone (or mobile phone for you international readers) for over four years (UPDATE: 6 years!). It’s been on silent. This means I probably quite simply miss your call, or plain ignore it.

Don’t take it personally. I just try and avoid the phone at any cost.

And of course to go along with that, comes the new conundrum of sms and chat. I love that…I really do, but I need to use the actual phone to do that…damn that mother truckin’ Alexander Graham Bell. This is his fault you know.

Anways, I’ve always know why I detest the device so much.

It’s two fold really.

Back when I was younger, the ringing of a phone brought only bad news….death. That kinda thing traumatizes one you know. Answering that phone and being told that someone had just died is probably one of the worst things you can hear (the other being “you should of said I need five to make a million sorry we can’t make you a winner”)….

The irony of my kryptonite was that my job for the next 8 years after high school would be working in a call centre. It breaks a person apart. They say only certain people can work on a helpdesk…I always thought so too…but looking back now, I know those 8 years will forever have me in its power….freak you Bell.

I feel for ppl on helpdesks…its not easy….so take it easy on em folks…they are human beings….xcept for those @sses over at FNB Loans.

I don’t answer my phone if I can help it, and recently I went a good few weeks without it and realized I didn’t miss it one bit. In fact I think my voice mail is full…

I wonder if that is the reason I don’t date haha….maybe….if you’re a girl…and you’ve received a phone call from me….like ever, well then i really like you….seriously. If you’re a guy…well then my car has probably broken down and sms will take too long.

It’s one of the hardest things for me to do…I become like an ADD victim when I even attempt to dial.

I dial, cancel, dial, cancel, and so on…

It’s so painful you have no idea.

I’m trying to slowly build up my phoning ability….but its gonna take some time, so bare with me ok?

That my friends is my phobia, so don’t judge me….there are other things you can make fun of instead….like my love for Hannah Montana, Lizzie McGuire and Zoey 101. (UPDATE: And Wizards of Waverly Place)

Teen sitcoms rule!

——————————————
2009- i still feel the same 🙂