Posts Tagged ‘travel’

BurgStrong: a campaign of love

June 7, 2014

Hi guys,

So it’s been a while since I’ve posted here, but with good reason.
The last 6-8 months have been the most insane time of my life.

I couldn’t possible explain what I’ve been through, but if you’ve been following details on my official writers page over on Facebook, you may have an idea.

The reason I’m back though, is because I need your help to tell the next chapter in my life, and help me find a way to the love of my life.

I’m working on getting to her permanently, but for now, I just need the chance to spend some time with her.

I’d like to share my story with you though, and ask if you believe in love to try make a small contribution to my below campaign. If not, please at least try spread the news to your friends, colleagues and fellow bloggers..

The story will break your heart, but also make you believe in love again, and if that’s not with sharing, then what is right?

Thanks everyone

Burg

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From Cape Town With Love

September 16, 2012

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It had been over three years since I had last visited Cape Town, and each time prior to this visit, my travels here comprised of nothing more than a “Friday work day, and a weekend for myself”…So when I planned on coming down this time, I planned a little more, and managed to turn it into a “five working day and weekend for myself” trip

Well, the work side of it certainly took care of its self and I ended up being so busy that my devious little plan to take some time for myself during those working days, simply just didn’t happen…however, that turned to be the biggest blessing in disguise.

My trip here was always two fold.

Firstly, I quite simply needed to breathe new air for a bit. Joburg was getting the best of me in so many ways, and I felt the anxiety settling in big time, I needed to get out for a bit, for everyone’s sanity.
Secondly, I wanted to test the waters in terms of working out the Cape Town office. As part of my overall smaller dreams bigger wins strategy, I wanted to see how effectively working out the CT office would prove. And lo and behold, I got probably about three times more work done in this week than I would of done back in JHB.

Most of my closest friends are down here and I’m glad I got to see them, some people really went out their way to make me feel welcome, and that goes so far in my book, If I couldn’t make it to where people where, they came and fetched me. Gestures of friendship are not lost on me, and I ensured that while I was down here I reignited my #BurgMoments lifestyle in full force, in fact I have setup several of these moments to take place after I leave this evening, in the hope that I will have left some tiny part of Burg magic in the City that has been so good to me.

Of course, the trip was not without its typical “pulling a burg” moments, which so often define my adventures, so if you’ll indulge me for a few minutes, I’d like to share some of the highlights….
There’s nothing quite like a first day in a different city, as basic logic always seems to disappear and you seem to make the silliest of errors. Starting with my rental car…that took me 20minutes to start, because I couldn’t figure out how to switch on the damn ignition. So there I say quietly in my parking bay, trying not to look like a complete idiot, sometimes pretending to be on my phone with one hand, while the other frantically searched for some sort of switch or immobilizer that may be the trick to switching it on. Little did I realize, to start the car, it simply needed to be in gear. Pfff…technology.

That same night, I also managed to lock myself out the house, taking a walk down to KFC, and returning to the house only to realize I didn’t quite have all the keys I needed. I phoned a colleague who confirmed this to indeed be fact. As I waited calmly eating my chicken in the road, in the dark, and cold…she phoned me back with the genius idea of walking around the house and using the other door…which I had keys for.

One the Wednesday, I decided to take in preparation for my conference the next day, in order to see the venue beforehand and if it was walkable. I left with a colleague at about 5.30pm and took a breezy walk a few blocks down. Eventually spotting the conference centre from a distance, it was in fact walkable, but certainly not from the route I took, but happy with the fact that I know knew where it was, I headed back. Back where however, I’m not quite suite, as I didn’t realize I did not keep track of where I actually was. So what proceed was a looooot of walking to try and find my bearings. As the night got darker, and colder, I ended up being followed by a homeless man, swearing at me constantly for no reason. Ironically we would both make our way to the local homeless shelter, he was happy, I wasn’t. If anything, my walkabout took me to places I wouldn’t normally see, including the recent World Cup stadium . From there I made my way to the V&Waterfront shopping complex where I eventually was able to retrace my steps back to the home office. Now, ordinarily, a two hour getting lost walk is a great thing for me. However, because I had only planned on popping down the block and back, I had made the decision to wear my slip slops (sandals), the devastation caused by this decision is still being felt as I type this. I have no skin left on the top of my feet, and bubble blisters underneath them! I still walked to the conference the next day, and did several Km’s over the proceeded days, which each and every pair of socks being drenched in blood that poured out my feet. And let me tell you, there is nothing quite like having to peel a pair of socks off your feet and getting to do it all over again the next day.

There is one last story I would like to share with you…

You see, I knew coming down here I would see a lot of old friends, however, I didn’t plan on making a new one…but boy oh boy did I.

I’m pretty easy to get along with for the most part, but every now and again I find someone I connect with on the clichéd “another level”. I can generally sense these people immediately, and just know that there is something there that needs to be explored. Such was the case with the person I met purely by chance I guess. We didn’t really talk much as first, but there was something lingering there. Something that needed to be tapped into, which we did, and much like her; it was nothing short of beautiful.

We did lunch, we chatted so much, we had so many revealing conversations about things we both loved and desired in the world, however the entire time there was this cloud of finality hanging over over…I would be leaving soon and this was all going to be over way too soon. She said she wished I could stick around longer, which just made my heart jump with joy. I wished that too. But the reality of our lives could not turn this into anything more. As the days went on, in typical Burg fashion, I found myself falling for her more and more each day, but not just her, rather the way she made me feel, and believe in my own dreams and desires again. The whole scenario played out much like an extended version of Before Sunrise/Sunset.

We spent most of Saturday together, where I got to meet some people in her life, including the reality check of the husband, who is one of those seemingly nice guys who makes you immediately think “well, there’s no way I can compete with this guy”. Then you immediately think well, I was never in with a chance anyways. Not that there was a chance of anything of course, but its just the head games one tends to play with ones self.

He eventually had to pop out for a while, and finally I got to just spend some alone time with her, we walked back to her place, and as much pain as I was in from my bleeding feet, it just disappeared when I was around her. We fetched a few things from the house then headed back to the beach, quite prepared for another painful walk, I was so happy that we were just together, then of course, that feeling was quickly replaced with disappointment as the honk honk of her husband in the car shorted our trip as he arrived to give us a lift back. My heart sunk, but my fake smile and humour came to my defence…

As the universe would have it, I ended up being stuck with him for a few hours, while she went surfing…. So here we are, two men laying on beach towels getting to know each other. I realized there is never a right time to say “hey, I’m falling for your wife, so just wanted to make sure that’s cool with you”…, so I just sat there getting more and more miserable, but never showing it, and instead offering genuine conversation and polite to the bitter end.

When she did return from the surf, a ray of sunshine brighter than the day’s sun that was beating down on me, they decided to call it a day and invited me to join them for dinner. Knowing I just couldn’t possibly torture myself anymore, I made an excuse to leave, and that I had someone else to see, then headed back. I didn’t have other plans.

Selfishly, I kept hoping she would send me a message asking if I was ok, or thanking me for coming or even “apologizing” for leaving me alone for so long, but none of that came…until about 2 hours later when I got a Facebook message asking if I had perhaps taken her phone. She had lost it….of course. The universe just loves playing these jokes on me doesn’t it.

As I sit here now typing this, I can’t help but wonder, was that it? Was that all I would be allowed with her? And as thankful as I am for the unexpected friendship, I find myself consumed with thoughts of “what ifs”, if I had said something else, taken a chance, just done something out of the ordinary…would it have made a difference? Would it have made a fool of me? I just don’t know. But for someone who lives by the words “Live For The Moments”, this is one that is stapled to my heart.

I’m a romantic, i’m a dreamer, but im also a realist and I know exactly how this story ends. I don’t begrudge these feelings at all, and I know that if our paths are meant to cross again, they will, in this lifetime or the next.

The truth is, I could write about her for hours, but the rest of the memories will be for me. So all that is left to say is…

Thank you Cape Town…we will do it all again in December…

Not Seeing The French Alps Changed My Life… (Part 1)

March 14, 2012

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It’s a sad state of affairs when you keep calling yourself a writer, yet the length of time between you actually writing something seemingly gets longer as the months and even years float by. I laugh at myself these days when I tell people I’m a writer. It almost seems like a lie. A well intentioned lie, but a lie none the less.

 

The most common question people ask me when I say I can’t write lately is “why?”

 

It’s such a layered question to answer. The simple answer is I’m not inspired.

 

That is the truth though. I’m not inspired in my life. In my career, in my friendships, or even in my dreams (so much for those dream & desire tattoos in my arms eh?). As a writer I should push myself to find ways to overcome that problem.

 

Finding inspiration is so difficult for me lately. Even my rant blogs don’t appeal to me anymore.

 

I have a hundred stories floating around in my head and yet can’t seem to translate them to paper. (or MS Word as the times would have it). The worst part is, I know those stories are good. Damn good.

 

It’s not hard to tell you what inspires me. It’s people. It’s person. It’s places. It’s place. It’s the impossible. It’s the dreams. It’s the desires. All wonderfully broad terms, yet their exact meanings are very clear to me.

 

When I was kid, I used to win the school book prize every year, (bar one or two), and the prize was always an amazing reference book of some sort, filled with history, places, people…things as a child you would only see in a book. I used to stare at those pictures, and touch them trying to put myself in that place or time and imagine a world so different from the one I was living. It brought me peace, and calmed me to the point of knowing exactly what I wanted out of life. I wanted to leave the place I was in. Be inspired by the world around me.

 

Fast forward 20 years…and I’m still in the same room. In the same house. In the same street. In the same neighbourhood. In the same country. I’m seeing the same person every day. I have the same conversations. I’m reliving the same drama over and over.

 

This week however, I felt a flame begin to burn inside me.

 

I can pinpoint it to seeing a picture someone posted on Facebook.

 

A picture of a particular friend (who I’ve never even met mind you) in the French Alps. It was so beautiful it saddened me…but as I looked at that picture, I touched it on my screen and I had that same feeling come over me that I had as a child. The want for a different world.

 

So I have a plan. A plan to breathe new life into my world…and perhaps even into those around me…it’s as outrageous as it should be from me.

 

Stay tuned…I will let you all know in part 2 of this blog how this effects all of us!

Tales From The Burgmobile: Part 1

April 14, 2011

Sure. The Burg is my driver….but we’ve never really seen it that way. To us, for the last four plus years, we’ve been best friends. We’ve seen it all, and been through more (a burgism he always likes to use).

In fact, its exactly 4 years ago today that the two of us embarked on the first of what would be a series of adventures.

You see, when we were assigned as partners…it wasn’t just a job for us. We both had a spirit of adventure, and of course, a heightened sense of drama.

Back then, the roads were a different place for The Burg. They were just a means to get somewhere, but together, being on the roads gave us both meaning. If I may, I’d like to share a few stories with you all.

Of course I can’t share EVERYTHING with you…because Burg would probably get fired…and I’d end up on the scrap heap.

As I mentioned, our first trip together was 1 year ago. We headed from Johannesburg to Sun City for our first ever SAMA awards. Burg was in a bad way then. He had no money and was in a bad depression. I felt bad for the guy…I was also worried about my own safety to be honest. We got hopelessly lost that evening as we made our way. Neither of us really knew how to get there, so we ended up seeing a bit more of the neighboring towns than we originally wanted to hehe. Burg had to deal with some demons that weekend, and I’m happy to say we both survived it. For three more years after that we did the annual trip there. In fact, one year he even brought someone along. That was the start of the end for that friendship. I think Burg still misses that friend, but he tries to act like he doesn’t…because it still hurts. This year it was announced that the venue was changing, but I think we’ll always have fond memories of that annual excursion. I know I will. Lord knows he needed that annual getaway.

Burg’s a crazy cat, but his heart has always been in the right place. I see a side of him a lot of others don’t. He cares so much for people, that why when he get his heart broken, it drives him to the point of insanity. He just loses so much faith in the world.

I remember when a girl he really liked, and I mean REALLY liked decided she didn’t want to pursue anything with him. It hurt him bad. I took them to a lot of functions, and I saw how he genuinely loved her. She was the one. They got on great and I thought maybe this time it would actually work out. He took a lot of pain out of that “relationship”. He yearned for her, her touch, her attention. He never wanted to give up. Many a days he drove him in tears, but would never let anyone see him that way. When they finally stopped seeing each other…he was lost. This was where he went through his little emo face. Which to be fair, looked good on him hehe.

He was filming a short film at the time and had a role as a “mean looking guy”, perfectly suited. Anyways, one of the days he got his filming day wrong and only realized it while he was on the way to the location. Never one to let a good day out go to waste, he made a spur of the moment decision to take us to the beach. He had the idea of writing the name of the girl he was pining for’s name in the sand and watching the ocean wash it away. This would be such a bad decision except that the nearest beach was 7 hours away. And he had never driven there before…and it was 10am in the morning. He had his video camera with him and filmed the entire trip down. In fact, all videos are still on Youtube if I remember.

The most amazing part of it was, we drown all this time and he simply walked onto the beach, wrote the name, watched it wash away, and got back in the car, and we drove right back. It’s the most amazing experience, and boy was it scary being on those dark rainy road with trucks carrying logs swerving all over the place…but certainly wouldn’t be the craziest thing he did. That was to come a few months later.

We’ve had so many good memories. Of course every one is balanced by an equally sad story. In the early days, I had to take him to pawn shops as he sold off everything he owned just to survive and take care of his mom. That took its toll on him. That’s why it was an absolute pleasure to take him shopping when he can into some luch. And boy can the kid and his mom shop! We went everywhere! Every bit of space I had was packed to the brim with stuff. From dvds to furniture. Hahaha, I remember the two of them actually holding stuff on the roof just to get it home.

I’ve just got to go put in some petrol (or gas to those American readers out there)…but I’ll be back with some more stories about The Burg and The Burgmobile you won’t wanna miss….

Burgsworld: The Essential Collection – Part 2: The Weird, Whacky And Wise!

February 24, 2011

By the time this blog has been posted, I will have achieved an amazing personal milestone on Burgsworld of 75, 000 views! It’s something I’m very proud of. Sure, most people stumbled across this site by accident, but there are so many loyal readers I’m immensely honored to have visit here on a regular basis.

That’s why now felt like the right time do this retrospective blog.

Today’s “best of” features my best select of the weird and whacky blogs that provide not just the highest traffic to the site, but also helped people understand my humour and creativity. With mostly positive comments and feedback, these provide a true thumbs up collection.

Part 2: The Weird, Whacky And Wise!

The Burg List – 101 Things to Do Before I Expire

Everybody has a bucket list. I, naturally have a Burg List. From the awkwardly honest, to the crazy person goal, to the most outlandish of needs, this list personified what I want to do in life, and made a lot of people blush along the way. If you can help with any…you know where to find me.

The Man Crush

Responsibly for almost a third of my total hits, The Man Crush blog got a huge boost of traffic thanks to the controversies that surround the like of Adam Lambert and Kevin Smith’s airline fiasco. It was just the right blog up at the right time. One of the favourites amongst readers, even those guys who thought me just a tad gayer for writing it.

Seinfeld: The Lost Episode (Part 1)

I went through a phase of what like to call “pop-pseudo-reality”, where I took real life situations going on in my life at that time, and turn them into “fan fiction” pieces of writing around Pop culture.

Scrubs: The Lost Episode

Another beloved blog, that captured the magic of real life love troubles with the quirkiness of an episode of Scrubs.

24: The Lost Episode (based on actual events)

Never before has asking someone you like to the Christmas party been so life threatening. An akward situation turned into an episode of 24.

The Pact!

If we’re both single in 5 years….let’s reread this blog.

Dear Hawk Girl…

An open letter to a member of the Justice League of America? Or a declaration of love? Why should we have to choose.

There’s this guy who works at my BlockBusters…

There are few people I hate in this world…but the guy who works at my Blockbusters is at the very top of that list. Another fan favourite blog.

Dear New York…

An very personal letter to the REAL love of my life….

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Those are my picks for my quirkiest and more out there blogs…A bit of fantasy, a lot of humour but always 100% honest. Where there any blogs you feel I left off this list?

Lemme know!

New Burg’s Resolutions…Doing It The Hard Way

January 27, 2011

While most people tend to set their goals (or is that resolutions) at the beginning of the year, I tend to give it an extra month or so to make sure I REALLY mean what I say.

As we approach the end of January, it’s easy to look back say “well, that’s a month wasted”…but…I like to do things the hard way, and play catch-up.

You all know about the big goals, because I’ve been waxing lyrical about them since you’ve known me….and longer than that for others of you.

I’m currently sick (again), and can’t help but think to myself oh no, not again – based on my health track record from the last 18 months. From tick bite fever, to mystery super bugs, to cancer scares and even a lacerated sphincter.

For those who are still reading after that last one, my first goal for this year is quite simply my health.

I’ve finally decided to join the gym, and making the decision is truly half the battle. When you look like Kung Fu Panda without the chi, joining a gym is perhaps the most intimidating thing you can do.

The only time I was ever in a gym was back in 2004 when I was on the fake gym set on a local soapie where I portrayed the troubled, but loveable “gym extra #4”.

Luckily I’ve found two ways to distract myself from the body issues that plague me. A) I’m joining the gym with the girl who I was in love with and haven’t seen since the day my heart was broken into a million little pieces. B) I’m joining a gym that was exposed on a recent consumer watch program, and has the worst reputation of all the franchises.

But I really do want to look good and be able to walk up a flight of stairs without sounding like Darth Vader.

Second on my list, is I want to do a new movie. I’ve missed the freedom that acting has allowed me over the years, and while my movie count only stands at five (two features and 3 short films), I’m still dying for something meatier.

That being said, if no movies come my way, I’m currently working on a screenplay I’m totally in love with (thanks to those who have shared their feedback on it). Of course I’m writing it with me in mind, but a promise is a promise, and I’m writing a bunch of roles which with certain people amongst you in mind.

When I’m done writing…then what? Well I don’t know…but maybe I could use all this money I’ve come into to fund the movie…that might be an option.

Thirdly, this will be the year I become a published author. I have started work on my key book, with several other’s in the stop start process, but I have the confidence to believe what I’m writing has a place in this world. Again, the question is what to do with it when its done. The plan is to try pitch it to some publishers when I’m over in New York – yeah I know, dream big eh? But fact of the matter is, I want the big time.

The book will essentially be a collection of my more emotional and personal blogs, structured together to form exactly what I preach about here…a guide to cutting through the stupidity of life. The end goal will be deal with a lot of personal issues that people go through in my honest and humorous way.

There is a lot of work ahead of me. As well as some impossible tasks, I may need some help along the way, and more importantly, I need to avoid the manic depression that has plagued me most of my life.

The destiny of course is that all this will lead me to a happy and successful life in New York City, perhaps the only place where I will find my peace and inspiration that I crave on a daily basis.

I mentioned in yesterday’s blog how I need a partner in crime. I goes far beyond what I spoke about then. I need someone who believes in what I do and what I want as much as I will believe in what she wants to achieve.

This has to be the year this all happens.

Oh…and I also would mind having sex for the second time in my life…that would be pretty cool.

I Fell in Like Last Week…

January 26, 2011

It’s been a strange ol time these last few weeks. I really have had more downs than ups. Now, I’m not one to complain, *cue audience laughter* , but I really have been in a ridiculous funk.

I’m going to use the excuse that its because of the 21st anniversary of my dad’s death yesterday, but I think the truth is much deeper than that.

Lately I’ve been searching for something …bigger than me.
Obviously it has something to do with my creativity, and when stunted, is when
Serious depression sets in.
Having thought things over,…a lot, I’ve come to the realization I need a partner in crime.
And that someone needs to be a person who has similar ambitions to me.
Now, she needs to be driven for success beyond here and now because you can have
Everything in this life, if you believe you deserve it.
Everyone may doubt you, everyone may say its impossible. But that should drive you.

I may have finally seen this in someone….truth me told, I always thought it was there, but circumstances forced us to separate for a few years, which in retrospect was the best thing as it allowed us to both grow and experience this world and all it has to offer, both good and more importantly, bad.

I recently met up with said person for drinks (or as I like to call it, Coffee or Diet Coke), and because of my hermit like ways, the hours leading up to this made me absolutely sick to my stomach. Nerves, self confidence issues, paranoia, you name it…now don’t get me wrong, this wasn’t even a date or anything like that, it was just two old friends catching up. Why do people always make so much more of me meeting up with a girl in the evening than it actually is? I sometimes think they are so desperate for me to meet someone that they get their own hopes up only to be disappointed.

Anyways, where was I.

Yes, before I met up I went though the usual procedure of self loathing. When we met up there was instant ease…as it should be right? And other than me admitting to her I was far too fat to pull off wearing a waistcoat (which I prompted me to loosen all the buttons), everything felt natural.

We chatted for hours, share very similar views on life, the world, ambition and struggles. Never before had I spoken with such freedom to someone, and more importantly, never before had someone accepted and shared my views like this. It was intoxicating. I didn’t want it to end. EVER….dramatic I know…but that’s what I am…dramatic.

I asked her if she would like to come to New York with me, which she accepted…
Ive always said i want it to be someone who appreciates it as much as i will, and put in some sort of effort to make it happen, there are others i asked before, but they never really showed the enthusiams nor put in and sort of effort to make it happen, but the instant I knew it was the right choice was when she said “I think when I arrive in New York, the first thing I would do is….cry.”

That’s exactly what I will do.

I fell in Like with her that night…

Happy New Year…Let’s Make Some Memories?

January 5, 2011


I gave a hobo 3 grand this morning.

….it was the most selfish thing I’ve done in a while.

Why? Well because I wanted to give him R10 000….but the atm would had a limit of R3000, and I felt that was more than enough for my experiment.

You see I did it for my own reasons…I wanted to see if I was the kind of person who could do that. (yes I know he probably bought R3000 worth of liquor)

Having come into a lot of money recently (I earned it the hard way in truth), I have been testing myself lately. Would money mean more to me than it used to?

I have learned the value of money, having lost everything and not even being in a position to buy a can of cooldrink if I wanted to tends to teach you a very hard life lesson.

I’ve been ok financially this past year, except for the odd unexpected expense.

But after losing 4 of my 9 lives in 2010, the year ended with promise….or rather a promise to myself.

I want to do good things with my life. I want to do good things for people, because that’s what makes me happiest…BUT….people need to be deserving of this.

Some people might be thinking I have a God complex, and I guess they wouldn’t be wrong (the controversial part of me wants to say God has a Burg complex)…but I do things because I can.

Looking through my material positions, I have everything I want. Except – a collection of happiness. I don’t have pictures of me smiling. I don’t have pictures of me with friends, heck I hardly even have my memories from the amazing things I’ve done in my life anymore – we have the hijacking at gun point to thank for that. Because those criminals clearly needed my external hard drive of memories from the last 12 years stored on it, more than I did.

I started a contest last year to take someone to New York …flight and accommodation paid for. There were those that I thought would immediately deserve it…and those that I thought could earn it. However as soon as I stopped blabbing about it…people stopped making an effort to show me they deserved it. I was disappointed to say the least…I understood they had other more important things going on, sure. BUT it saddened me that I didn’t really have the closeness with someone I crave. Its nobodies fault but my own.

We can’t buy friendships and relationships, we build them. Which is something I clearly haven’t done…and let’s be honest I’m not about to start now.

That being said, the New York trip is still very much on (as may a surprise second trip to somewhere cool)…and I may in fact end up drawing a name out of a hat…like I did with the hobo maybe. Right place right time?

Back to the said money I won. I’ve done everything with it. Paid off any debts I had, splurged on my hobbies, invested in Art, saved, given money away, stocked the house with food, spoilt people etc. etc. etc…

There are goals to accomplish this year, which i will address in a later blog, but for now….

…let’s make some memories!

Dear New York…

November 22, 2010

Dear New York

Can you believe its been almost 13 years since we last saw each other?

So much has happened that I don’t even know where to start.

I wasn’t sure if I should write you again because at times I doubted you would even remember me.

I’m still in South Africa. Which is killing me (almost literally some days!), but I’m trying to work my way outta here. It’s proving difficult though, and there are more days of doubt than days of promise. I’d say I cry myself to sleep some nights, but I haven’t had a decent night of sleep in almost 8 years – I kid you not.

The last time I was over there, I visited you with my cousin Andre. Do you remember him? He unexpectedly took his own life several years ago. That crushed me. Andre was the one guy (other than myself), who like to share my accomplishments. He always praised me to family and friends. I miss his support and guidance so much. Especially after my dad and brother’s death so many years ago, Andre became the closest thing I had to a male role model. I don’t have that anymore, and there are days I feel completely lost with out it.

Work is tough at the moment. I’ve been at my current job for almost 5 years now – a lifetime I know! I’m not happy there anymore. I’ve lost faith in the people, and worst of all in my future there. I’ve done so much for them, and am still not taken seriously nor given the credit or recognition I deserve. I feel like they still see me as “the new guy” and forever will. My ambitions are so much greater than the company allows. They all see that place as a job, whereas I view it as a career. I always felt they would be my way to a greater future overseas, but it’s clear they will never help me get transferred to an overseas branch. Plus I just can’t survive on the salary they are paying me anymore.

Things are home are always tense. I still live with my mom. Most people laugh at that, and they don’t understand why I’m still here. Neither do I at times. The reality is she lost her job back in 2004 when I lost my job, and has since refused to work. I get angry with the continual burden I have to carry. I’ve spent the last six years here taking care of her, paying off debts, fixing the house (which seems to be never ending…) and feeding two people.

We play the hands we are dealt I guess…but it crushes my spirit. My life should have been so different at this point.

I’ve been watching everyone else live there lives. I see them falling in love, getting married, having children…and perhaps worst of all I see them visiting you. It seems like everyone else is living a life while I’m living a lie.

Gosh, this letter has been all about me…I’m sorry about that. How have YOU been?

I was sorry to year about your loss in 2001. I cried so much that day.
I wanted to write you, but didn’t know what to say…

Anyways, I know you’re busy, so I wont take up anymore of your time…Do you mind if I write you again soon?

Please know that I love you, and have thought about you every single day. I can still close my eyes and picture you, smell your perfume, and feel you against me.
Is that weird? Probably.

I’m so lonely here, and I know you’re the only one who gets that.

Love Always

Burg.

Stand up for Burg: 4 Months later – Hijacked and Trapped

November 5, 2010

What I remember the most about my hijacking just less than 4 months ago, was the concern everyone felt.

Are you ok? That’s unbelievable! You’re lucky!

What the whole event did for me was simply confirm what I have been feeling for many years.

I want out.

Out of (South) Africa.

I vocalized this in many ways, and stirred all sorts of emotions from people.

There were those that said what happened to me was because I was so negative about the country.

There were those that supported my feelings and tried turning it into a racial thing.

There were those that used what happen to me as a catalyst to get out of SA themselves.

Once the attention died down from the incident, everyone went on about their normal lives (as they should), but for me, every day has been harder than the next.

I have nightmares at least once a week. Sometimes about what happened, sometimes they are more abstract.

While the crime aspect of the country is a HUGE deal, it’s not my main motivation for wanting out.

My greatest fear is dying in this country – sure, but not through an act of crime. It’s from allowing the country to kill me because my dreams are far greater that the country allows them to be.

I am now at the point where I feel trapped by my own ambition.

A while back I made a comment on Facebook where I said I had put feelers out to New York.

A fact that was known to most everyone, and something I was always vocal about. However it was misunderstood to be I was unhappy in my job and wanted out. This put me into a serious doghouse which I’m still pretty certain I’m not out of yet.

I LOVE WHAT I DO.
I have one of the greatest jobs in the world (yes, except for Halle Berry’s lover.), but this is something I could and would want to do for a very long time.

My problem is, my life needs to begin.
For over 30 years my life has been filled with loss, heartache, pain, and struggle.
The memories and reminders of my life follow me around daily. From the roads I travel, to the place where I live. Add to this the surmounting problems in the country, and each day I am dying a little bit more.

I want to leave the country. But I don’t know how. Other than a transfer in my job, which nobody seems to take seriously, there are so few avenues for me to use.

Dramatic much? Sure. But this might have been a more casual conversation 10 years ago. But not at the age of 32.

I’ve seen two friends give it all up in the last 2 weeks, to follow that dream, and while I am so happy for them, I am so unequivocally jealous of them that I feel guilty.

But I don’t have the luxury of qualifying for certain visas and what not. I’m fighting the odds as I have always done.

It scares me. Sometimes to the point of where I just don’t believe its possible to make it happening.

Yes, New York is my first choice. But at this point I would be open to any sort of forward movement, whether it be London, Toronto, or even Vietnam.

Having nobody in my life (Ed’s note: Oh stop with the sob stories), this is the lonliest thing I have ever done, and that alone brings me to tears.

I don’t often ask people for anything (well, except for that one time I was poor), but if you can help…I urge you to:

Stand up for Burg.